Psychological tips

Discussion in 'The Cat's Coffee House' started by Liona, Jul 25, 2017.

  1. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    F****** hell once again the do good eu protecting peoples rights, copious amounts of evidance but disregarded because he was ' shamed' for 1 week! Dont get me wrong i voted to stay in the eu but i have always wanted to have our own laws . I think this site is american based and this is why we can post names and details etc. If this site was english then we couldnt do it. Boils my p*** it really does
     
  2. Pancake

    Pancake Member

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    @Mango Chutney - Exactly "he stays with me so it must be love". "He loves me, so I allow him to pay with my bank card". "He admits that he and his family use people for papers and money, that he has been sexing around to get flous and a passport, but with me it is different. He loves me. He is so sweet. He has to do bad things with other people, but that is because they are bad, bad people. I am different. I forgive him. He will not do bad things to me. He LOVES me".
     
  3. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Time and patience, my lovely...time and patience :love:
    The truth will ALWAYS come out eventually :thumbsup:
    There is a saying "The truth will set you free".....for a rat victim....I can't think of more perfect words.
     
  4. Pancake

    Pancake Member

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    As long as there is money, there is love... ;) Never seen a person clinging so stubborn and so long to a romantic fairytale built on deception and lies. Victim knows the truth, but prefers to believe the rat "alternative facts", however contradictory they are. Swallowing the sugar coated lies of the rat is so much easier than actually using your brain and drawing conclusions. I heared through the grapevine that victim struggles with constantly having to push away the ugly truth about the Tunisian rat to keep the romantic fairytale intact - a poor, abused Tunisian who finally has found the love of his life. And no, the victim's well filled bank account isn't into it.

    Anyway. The rat is now the headache of someone else, my nightmares about the rat are gradually getting less, after years. I don't want the Tunisian rat horror back in my dreams. I only wanted to share my experience that online exposure of a rat may harm a good case (deportation because of immigration fraud).
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2018
  5. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    :whistle:
     
  6. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Well, you tell her

    0566904d85f6f78d5e9359cb0b9f5592.jpg
     
  7. Pancake

    Pancake Member

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    @Heidi No, no, no you got it all wrong. You don't understand... Something MAGICAL happened. A miracle. This Tunisian rat has only been screwing OTHER PEOPLE for flous. He has now turned into.... well.... let's just tell it how it is... he has become a saint. A hard working, caring man, always ready to help others. That is the power of True Love. Don't you know? True Love can turn sinners into saints. Especially when the love is for a person the age of his mother, with more money than a Tunisian rat can ever dream of. Let's switch off our brains for a moment and feel the love. A magical transformation took place through the power of love. A man who has been breaking every rule of his Holy Book for his entire life has now become a saint. Haram has become halal. A truly spiritual event. Let's just embrace that there is more between heaven and earth and that miracles really happen. Can I hear an Amen?
     
  8. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    giphy.gif
     
  9. Pancake

    Pancake Member

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  10. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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  11. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Narcissists Silent Treatment 6 Tips To End It FOREVER :)

     
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  12. Snuggle

    Snuggle Well-Known Member

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    Interesting Heidi. I do recognize a lot she is saying. I wonder why it took me so long to realize this. :(
     
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  13. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    Has anyone watched the movie "Not witout my daughter" (1991)?
    In this docudrama based on true events, a mid-'80s Michigan housewife finds her life turned upside down when a vacation to Tehran with her Iranian husband turns into virtual imprisonment for her and her young daughter. Betty Mahmoody is reluctant to visit the wartorn homeland of her doctor husband, Moody . But, depressed about the racism of the American medical establishment and pining for contact with his family, Moody convinces her to join him for a two-week jaunt. The Islamic fundamentalism and strange customs of Iran bewilder and frighten Betty and her daughter, Mahtob. But nothing prepares her for Moody's announcement that the family will be remaining in Tehran indefinitely. Despite beatings and more pervasive psychological control from her husband and his relatives, Betty makes it to the Swiss embassy (there is no American ambassador at the time). There, she learns that as the wife of an Iranian, she is now automatically considered a citizen and that she has absolutely no parental rights over Mahtob in this country. Betty then endures several years as a virtual prisoner, escaping only with the help of Westernized Iranian friends. Based on the book by the real-life Mahmoody and William Hoffer, Not Without My Daughter was coincidentally released during the long build-up to 1991's Gulf War.
     
  14. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    I haven't watched it. Will go to my Kindle store and see if there is a book though. The extreme differences in culture are something that have to be lived through to truly understand....so many people go to these hot, exotic locations as tourists, or just move over there thinking 'Oh, it will be fine, I like a slow, laid back lifestyle, it'll be fine' etc....with no understanding of what it's really like outside of tourism and their lack of freedoms, rights etc
    Thanks for the tip off....will look for the book now :love:
     
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  15. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
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  16. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    You are welcome. I am just going to watch it . I have known about this movie/ and book only today, and I think it matches our forum.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
  17. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Yes, I saw the film. Terrifying.
     
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  18. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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  19. Snuggle

    Snuggle Well-Known Member

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    I liked the book more than the film. But I think the same about the 50 shades series :D
     
  20. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Me too....sometimes the imagination is better than the visual :D The only books I've read that I'd put on an equal footing as the film, is Schindlers List and The Fugitive....but you don't get such a good character description.
    Books all the way for me....unless Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp or Robert Downey Junior is in it...then I don't care how shit the film is :D
    And Gladiator....phwoarrrrrr, Gladiator {swoon}....oh, and Lancelot in King Arthur...I wouldn't kick either of them out the bedroom :oops:
     
  21. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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  22. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    The Magic of Not Giving a F*** | Sarah Knight :)

     
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  23. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Can't work out how to copy and paste this article, due to the layout being a little strange, but this article is really worth a read....we've mostly all tolerated some form of abuse from these rats, be it physical, sexual, verbal or mental, each one different, but equally as damaging.....sometimes, it's comforting to know we are not alone, we are not stupid, people understand :)

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-sh/when_a_house_stops_being_a_home
     
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  24. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Omg...this is amazing! The description is so wonderfully, perfectly described! :eek:

    11 Signs Of Gaslighting In Your Relationship, Beware!
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    Have you ever heard of the 1938 stage play “Gaslight” or seen the movie by the same name from the 1960s? Gaslight is about a husband who successfully convinces his wife that she’s insane by destabilizing and delegitimizing her memories and beliefs.

    Since then, the term “gaslighting” has been used both colloquially and by psychiatric professionals to describe the manipulation tactic in real life relationships.


    What Is Gaslighting?
    Gaslighting is a power tactic where one person uses manipulation as a way to control another person by making them question their grip on reality and truths. On paper, it’s easy for people to say that they’d never be susceptible to the seemingly obvious methodologies of gaslighting, but in reality, gaslighting is often done so subtlety, slowly, and methodically that the damage is often already done before the target figures out they’ve been victimized.

    From politicians, world leaders, religious leaders, and corporate leaders, gaslighting is a tactic common among those in power positions, especially when the person is also a narcissist or sociopath. It’s also a common tactic employed by bullies to lower the independence and self-esteem of the victim. It’s a common theme in abusive relationships.

    How To Know If You’re The Victim Of Gaslighting
    Gaslighters frequently use these 11 manipulation techniques to achieve making you think you’re the one that’s crazy so that they can continue onward abusing you:

    1. They Have Lies Of All Shapes And Colors
    For most people, little white lies are an everyday occurrence. Your partner asks you if their makeup or tie looks good and you nod your head despite thinking it’s not so attractive. You do this to spare the person’s feelings, not harm them. In gaslighting, these small lies are malicious in intent and done to make the perpetrator, not others, feel better.

    Gaslighters intentionally lie, and they do so boldly and brashly. They can lie with a straight face as they tell you something they know good and well you don’t believe. These lies are designed to set a precedent. Once they have told the lies, they know you’re not sure if anything they say is true. This is designed to throw you off kilter, make you wonder why, and slowly chip away at your guard and judgment.

    2. Everyone Else Is A Liar
    Anyone that disagrees with a gaslighter’s philosophy is an automatic liar. From that point on, those people’s thoughts have no validity or truth. What can’t be rationalized is explained away by the people simply being jealous or wanting to tear the two of you apart. This is to isolate you from the competing ideas of others and those in a position to help you. When you’ve abandoned competing relationships, the gaslighter is now free to disrespect and abuse you uninterrupted.

    3. They Deny, Deny, Deny
    You’ll find that gaslighters are equally audacious in their denials as they are their lies. They’ll say or do something and then turn around and flat out deny it ever occurred. They’ll make promises and then vehemently deny they ever even had the discussion with you. Even in the presence of proof, they’ll find a fallacy to fall back on our way to discredit the evidence.

    Victims will find this irritating and frustrating at first. As it continues, though, victims will naturally begin to question their own perspective, judgment, and reality. Human nature is to recognize anything that becomes a pattern, and as the lies and denials continue, you’ll start to wonder if it’s you that’s wrong, misheard, or are just losing your mind. Ironically, the person’s word you once knew was so wrong becomes a replacement for your own reality. You begin to believe what they say as the truth.

    4. Their Actions And Words Are Incongruent
    When your partner is a gaslighter, their words and actions will never be congruent. This leaves you to constantly question their behaviors and motives. It’s a maze that you’ll never reach the end of, however. The more you try, the deeper you’re pulled in and the more lost you get. And, they’ll keep you trying with professions of love that are absolutely perplexing considering the actions they take that hurt you so much. Passive aggressive behavior is also common; it’s the beautiful apple filled with poison.

    5. They Orchestrate Attacks On What Defines You As You
    Gaslighters attack your family, parenting role, talents, goals, personality, and any of the other core elements that gives your existence meaning and purpose. Piece by piece, they’ll break you down by discounting anything that gives credit to your worth. This can be done by devaluing your core, such as by conning you into feeling that you’re worthless when it comes to the lives of your children.

    It can also be devaluing how you view your core, such as that you’re overly obsessed, selfish, or negligent in it.

    This cold and calculated method of breaking apart who you are as a person eventually creates a you without dignity, confidence, or self-preservation. Slowly, you’re becoming more and more unsure and unstable as a human being.

    6. They’re Energy Leeches
    Through potent, subtle, and routine application, gaslighting sucks all your energy away. It’s the lie here, the degrading remark there, the chip to your confidence today, and the crack in your perception tomorrow that all add up to you becoming too tired to fight the leech literally peeing the life out of you.

    Before you know it, you’re left standing there questioning where and who you are, and the only person with answers is the very person that took them from you. You’re now primed to be refilled with the gaslighter’s version of the answers - brainwashed. Those already suffering from energy-draining depression and low self-esteem are easy and quick targets for gaslighting relationships.

    7. They’re The Anti-villain
    Gaslighters aren’t going to be the evil villain 24/7. Part of the plan to keep you second guessing everything is to also throw you a bone of kindness every so often. They’ll sprinkle random acts of love, kindness, and devotion in so that partners lose their balance from the times of meanness, humiliation, and cruelty. You may get praised for a wonderful meal only to minutes later be degraded because the laundry wasn’t folded to a precise specification.

    Humans have a natural craving for stability. The end game is for their unpredictability to cause you to begin to question your ability to ever be fully right. You doubt your abilities and judgment, and then slowly you lose all faith in yourself. The gaslighter is then free to step in as the ultimate and final word of truth for you.

    8. They Thrive In Your Confusion
    For a gaslighter, confusion is a shotgun bullet. They’ll shoot it at you to leave your sense of placement and purpose riddled with holes. You’re vulnerable, weak. exposed, and emotionally bleeding. Then, the very person that shot you is the only one there to plug your holes. Bam, then you’re shot again and he/she is there again for you. It’s an endless cycle.

    They’ve attacked your worth and value. They’ve caused mass confusion to your mental and physical placement. Now, you turn to bonding to mend your broken and overcompensating pieces. It’s the ideal time for the abusive partner to sweep in and turn their reality into yours. It ensures they are the ones you continually turn to for comfort and guidance so that the manipulation can continue onward in its cycle.

    9. They’re Experts At Projection
    It’s your fault, not their fault. You’re the one doing the evil deeds, not them. When your anger, discontent, or questions arise, they always have some outlandish excuse like you’re the one cheating, you’re the one doing drugs, or you’re the one that’s being crazy.

    You’re so busy defending yourself that you don’t have time or energy to investigate what they’re doing. This not only gives them a projection for their own misdeeds, it’s also setting you up to be disbelieved by outsiders and hesitant to involve others. Plus, when something like “you’re crazy,” even when referenced with outlandish accusations like drug abuse, is stated on repeat, it leaves you to question if you are indeed really acting insane.

    10. You Keep Quiet And Think It’s Your Own Idea
    Just as the gaslighter has painted himself as the anti-villain, he/she is working to paint you as the true villain. It’s all about illusions and misdirection. They surround themselves with mock juries of ‘friends’ accepting of what they do and use those opinions to prop up their stories, condemn you as the bad guy, and cement your deteriorating sense of self.

    Gaslighters are pros at using such social connections as tools to shame and quiet you. They may threaten to tell someone about your “craziness” and all the embarrassing accusations they’ve made on why it’s happening.

    The end goal is isolation. You’re too anxious and fearful about the disgracing accusations to want help. You’re too confused as to how the entire situation became about you being crazy verses the crazy things they’re doing to you to even know you need help. The only source of comfort you’re left with is the very abuser causing the discomfort in the first place.

    11. They Publicly Destroy Your Character
    As you’re keeping quiet in your confusion and turmoil, your gaslighter is working to destroy your credibility publicly. Your image will be tarnished. You’ll be presented as someone incapable of making sound decisions. Your partner will come out smelling fresh as a daisy should you ever expose their gaslighting. No one will believe you, and you’ll be faced with yet again only one source of comfort in your isolation - your gaslighter.
     
  25. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    062AD670-82A2-473F-85AF-BEA7CA77A9C1.jpeg Sounds familiar.
     
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