Discussion in 'The Cat's Coffee House' started by Liona, Jul 25, 2017.
This is so so true!
well your not lying.. they are all going to hell - if there is one
Why You Need To Be A Bitch
God gives us only what we can handle. Apperently God thinks I'm a bitch
Mel B aka Scary Spice.....this girl was strong, she was confident, she was feisty, she was successful......she was the victim of a narcissist.
Nobody is safe.
Anybody is a potential victim.
https://www.thisisinsider.com/the-t...m=referral&utm_content=topbar&utm_term=mobile Interesting. 4 types of people Narcissists are attracted to.
I'm so happy you've put this on!!
There really is a very misguided conception that a narcissist targets vulnerable people, but it's not true....in truth, they will target anybody....but to bring down a strong, happy, accomplished person is much better for their ego.
I was really happy, I had a great job, I had my boys, I had freedom....I had it all and I did not feel weak or vulnerable.....but I was targeted still.
The idea that they only go for weak and vulnerable people has got to be completely knocked on the head, so that everybody knows they could be a victim.....regardless of their position in life....that's why I was so pleased to find that video I put on the other day
Nothing causes them more pleasure than seeing a successful happy person put down by their words and actions. Little by little in subtle ways they start putting the seed you are not worthy, your accomplishments ain’t that great. It begins as an apparent admiration or compatibility but in reality it’s envy and need of control. They need to destroy their victim’s identity, all that they have accomplished or loved will be targeted.
This is so true and they keep on trying. My rat hates it that I stand way above him. His envy is endless. Every time he sees me he keeps trying to pull me down again but thanks to this website it won’t happen again. I just laugh at him and give him the I don’t give a shit look.
Well done snuggle! I believe it’s crucial to understand their modus operandi in order to recover our freedom, integrity and strenght. Big hug!
Watch This ONLY If You're Ready To Confront Reality
Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person - Alain de Botton
Btw. He is not talking about Tunisian Love Rats
https://lovefraud.com/three-miserab...Y_qbDdBmOAPga-IfWKLVNAYu_zgXszH-1wXNpxiy1pQ1g We have talked about rats making a mess or sabotaging every special event (Christmas, Birthdays, Graduation, Promotion...) on random occasions/ threads, here an accurate read to know why they do it and most importantly how to heal from the memories.
Sounds familiar too.
https://kimsaeed.com/ Well I better post her site link, in order to search for articles of personal interest related to narcissism and recovery. Xx
This was quite an uncomfortable read.....it's actually describing me, and I know...other survivors too.
But it was kinda comforting too, because if they are able to describe everything so frighteningly accurately...I know I must be normal (ish)
The arrival of somebody in a room, the inability to cope with anything loud, the peaceful music, the confining yourself to one room of the house etc.....it's me!
The way the psychologist takes them away from actual specifics and makes them focus on feelings and responses....that's my counsellor
I have a grounding stone now....she gave me a selection to choose from on friday.....and my choice looks like a turd...but it was calling me
I'll pop a pic on tomorrow, when I have my phone
I think this is a good read to have on the thread....it helps people understand why myself and others are especially sensitive to remarks like those made by UKlady.
Doesn't bother me with rats, I expect it.....but it hurts from other people, especially women.
PTSD | Narcissistic & Psychopathic Abuse
By Rhonda Freeman, PhD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) following
Narcissistic & Psychopathic Abuse
You fall in love and want to build a future with someone that seems pretty special. But this person is nothing like your other partners. Suddenly you find yourself defending your thoughts and opinions to someone who used to understand you. A normal conversation feels like a competition. You have to walk on eggshells. You’re exhausted and hurt.
Then it gets worse.
They begin to make up stories where they place you in the starring role of aggressor. You begin to hear that you are controlling, you are manipulative, you are confrontational, or you are paranoid. And they are the victim of your relentless bad behavior.
and blame shifting become nearly impossible for your mind to keep up with.
Then it gets worse.
They begin to attack you (verbally, through manipulation, or both) and play with your emotions like a cat with a ball of yarn. They seem to be having fun with your pain. They set their sights on your self-confidence, beliefs, and self-esteem – these represent the core of who you are.
‘How dare you think highly of yourself! That has to be destroyed!’(Seems to be the philosophy of many abusers.)
For some people it will get even worse (e.g., assault, threats on their life, prisoner in their own home, their loved ones getting hurt, isolation, intimidation, not allowed to breakup, no food to eat, sexual violations, extreme control, or death).
It is no surprise that after a relationship with an abuser with pathological narcissism that someone can easily develop complex post traumatic stress disorder (cPTSD) or post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is the brain’s reaction to a severe stressor. And there is no finite list of experiences that are PTSD or non PTSD events. It can be any event that severely triggered your brain’s stress systems in a certain way. In a way that caused the brain to interpret what was happening in your environment as a threat to you.
Post traumatic stress disorder is a neurobiological disorder. All of the symptoms are a reflection of a brain that has been changed.
PTSD extends beyond an anxiety condition because it reflects a dysregulation of emotions in general. There is more involved with this condition than anxiety and/ or fear alone.
The range of arousal and emotions with PTSD can extend from
A). intense hypersensitivity to Z). emotional numbing – feeling minimal emotions or disconnected from certain emotions.
This extreme range can be experienced in the same person, however at different times. This is why PTSD is best considered a disorder of emotional and arousal dysregulation within the brain (Frewen & Lanius, 2006).
Therefore, it would not be uncommon for a person with PTSD to feel dysphoric, hypersensitive, anxious, unable to access feelings of joy/ love, irritable, agitated, preferring to be alone with minimal stimulation, lacking motivation, hypervigilance, unable to sleep, and isolating self to one room or within the house in general.
Many with PTSD also struggle with cognitive (thinking) symptoms such as difficulties with memory, concentration, and executive functions (e.g., organization, planning, task completion, task initiation, working memory, & motivation). This often happens because the brain is allocating such a tremendous amount of energy and attention to the emotional/ survival system, that cognitive processes are also hindered by the gross dysregulation of the system in general. However, some of the cognitive symptoms are the direct impact of neurobiological damage to certain brain regions (e.g., hippocampus).
The natural internal regulator of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, is often not onboard or not functioning at its’ usual status for those with PTSD. Recall, the prefrontal cortex (frontal lobes) are the regulation areas. They help to soothe and manage an overactive limbic system.
With that being said, there is one important fact you should know about the prefrontal cortex and PTSD. It is not the entire prefrontal cortex that is hypo-responsive – Only certain regions (Hayes, Hayes, & Mikedis, 2012; Brown & Morey, 2012). There are portions of the prefrontal cortex that are actually highly reactive and hyper-responsive for those with PTSD.
‘Ok – so what does all that mean for someone who has PTSD?’
For the PTSD sufferer who was traumatized through a narcissistic, psychopathic, or abusive relationship, it will be important for them to find a mental health professional skilled with PTSD.
Studies have found that (particularly in the beginning stages) repeated review of the details of the abuse and/or the specific traumatic incidents can actually hinder progress. It creates a more difficult situation for the brain to manage. Therefore, many healthcare professionals tend to focus their services upon emotional regulation techniques and training first(Frewen & Lanius, 2006). In that way, they help their patient gain regulation … soothing before they tackle the bigger issues.
You see, the brain has to be able to handle the more complicated psychological issues associated with the trauma. And a brain that is overly emotional and dysregulated is not in a good place to be able to do this. A brain under such stress and trauma will have a significantly difficult time taking on such a goal – emotional growth.
What can be done about PTSD symptoms?
Therapy with a skilled professional is often very helpful for someone with PTSD. The patient’s emotional regulation abilities are aided by the therapeutic relationship, presence of limbic resonance, and the trust that is typically built with the therapist during the course of treatment.
Therefore, most therapists skilled in PTSD treatment will not spend a great deal of time discussing the narcissists or psychopath’s individual offenses, transgressions, and the specifics of the abuse in the first phase of treatment. To do so would be to work in direct contradiction to the limbic (emotional) system of the brain (Frewen & Lanius, 2006).
Usually the focus is on methods to soothe the limbic system and strengthen portions of the frontal lobes more into action. It has to be able to handle certain emotions before giving it the task of moving forward.
This is done in many ways — 1) specific psychological approaches tailored to the trauma population will be implemented by a skilled therapist/ psychologist.
2) Tools and trainings are usually provided to the patient that can reduce dysregulation (e.g., Mindfulness).
3) Treatments outside the realm of psychology are often encouraged in conjunction to psychotherapy, as they can tie in the ‘mind-body connection,’ which is important to address after trauma. Examples include acupuncture and yoga.
4.) Exercise plan and healthy eating regimen recommended by a specialist.
5) Most psychologists and therapists work with a primary care physician or psychiatrist, who can make decisions regarding the need for medications and/ or specific supplements to help the brain along. As a team, they can guide the survivor through the process of healing and toward a more regulated brain.
On a side note, for individuals who struggled with self regulation/ emotional regulation and self validation difficulties prior to the psychopathic relationship – perhaps in association with a childhood history of abuse or neglect. It will be important to enlist the assistance of a skilledhealthcare professional who will be able to assist with teaching coping strategies to modulate intense emotions.
With treatment, does the brain return to it’s ‘old’ state prior to the abuse?
No, not completely.
In many ways, an individual will be stronger (e.g., recognizing a potentially disordered partner in the future). However, in other ways – weaker (e.g., some experience chronic anxiety/ heightened sensitivity).
The fact is, the brain is changed by trauma and it will not fully revert back to its’ pre-trauma state.
There have been numerous studies that support this phenomenon. This is how the limbic (emotional) system works – the amygdala will change based on the associations and connections it makes with certain stimuli and experiences. The limbic system ‘learned’ specific information through the abuse and therefore since it is its’ job to protect you, it will always hold on to that information and have a strong reaction if in a similar situation. Now mind you, you will not feel hypersensitive or triggered by nearly as much as during the intense PTSD symptoms.
After the Abuse – PTSD and moving forward
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(c) Can Stock Photo Inc. / bds
" data-medium-file="https://i1.wp.com/neuroinstincts.co...06/canstockphoto2915815.jpg?fit=300,199&ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i1.wp.com/neuroinstincts.co...06/canstockphoto2915815.jpg?fit=800,533&ssl=1" class="alignleft wp-image-2700 size-medium" data-cfstyle="border: 1px solid #000000;" data-cfsrc="https://i2.wp.com/neuroinstincts.co...nstockphoto2915815-300x199.jpg?resize=300,199" alt="" width="300" height="199" srcset="https://i1.wp.com/neuroinstincts.co...canstockphoto2915815.jpg?resize=300,199&ssl=1 300w, https://i1.wp.com/neuroinstincts.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/canstockphoto2915815.jpg?w=800&ssl=1 800w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i2.wp.com/neuroinstincts.co...nstockphoto2915815-300x199.jpg?resize=300,199" style="-x-ignore: 1">Let’s look at how a person changes, even after the primary symptoms of PTSD are treated. Here’s an an example of a couple – Karen and Joel. During ‘Karen’s’ relationship with ‘Joel’ (psychopath) they often went to the local mall. They ate at a little pub down the road on most Friday nights and they had a few favorite tracks they would play in the car on their road trips. For months after the relationship, when Karen was within the peak of her PTSD symptoms, she felt like she was falling apart. On one occasion she tried to go into the mall to buy a gift for a friend. The smell of the department store and the sound of her heels clicking on the marble floor sent her into a meltdown. She ran out and sat in her car crying for 20 minutes. The mall was triggering to her and she felt unable to handle going in. The same for the pub. Although she loved music her entire life, she felt overstimulated by the radio and was unable to listen to anything other than calm music or relaxation tracks. Karen decided to go for treatment with a psychologist to address her symptoms. She was diagnosed with PTSD and treated via therapy. Her primary care physician recommended an exercise routine, as well as a regimen of supplements, and a prescription medication. She discontinued her increased consumption of alcohol (which was started only after the breakup) and put her focus on healthy living instead.
After receiving treatment for her PTSD with the psychologist and physician, her emotional arousal level returned to nearly the same as before- she was regulated. Karen was able to blast music and sing along in her car. She enjoyed going to the mall again and bought herself a new wardrobe. She met up with a few friends at the pub down the road for dinner and started enjoying life again. A place she thought she would never be able to go to again. Her ability to feel the full range of emotions had returned fully. All the little environmental triggers were no longer triggers anymore – they were neutral again. The frontal lobes were able to do their job and extinguished those connections. However, it kept the most important connection in place: psychopaths = pain.
Although her brain clearly learned what it should have learned from the experience and her world was no longer one big overstimulating trigger, she noticed there was a difference. She was more sensitive now than in the past. She found it difficult to wind down after any stressful incidents, regardless of how minor. She would be easily startled if someone walked into the room, and quick to feel distressed and nervous when comparing herself to her status before the relationship. Karen was able to live with this and she was a very happy young lady. The sleep difficulties were gone and most of the time she felt calm. However she was aware she was changed by the experience and had to handle herself with more tender loving care than in the past. She was prepared, because her psychologist made her aware that this change can accompany treated PTSD.
As you can see, that heightened sensitivity (although you may not want to have it) is a part of the workings of the brain’s emotional system and usually remain – even after PTSD has been treated. However, most can manage this heightened sensitivity so long as they have done what is needed to treat any lingering trauma related changes that were treatable – such as PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, substance abuse, eating disorders, etc.
If one has done all they could for their brain and the remnants are the presence of hypersensitivity – due to the amygdala, then they can usually proceed with their life. They will have to put forth effort to live a healthy lifestyle BOTH emotionally and physically. True, they will have to give effort to avoid overstimulation and negativity (e.g., high stress jobs / toxic friends and family). But, a happy life can often proceed just fine! Unfortunately trauma changes a person usually resulting in a more sensitive individual prone to feeling easily distressed.
Rhonda Freeman, PhD
Wow, that was interesting viewing! To actually hear it from the narcissists mouth is quite distressing. To know they don't care and feel nothing is bad enough, but to hear them openly admit it, and feel no guilt, no shame? Just wow!
I want to focus on the part where they speak about recovery and revenge. It’s usless to try to get justice or revenge. It will be like feeding fire. Also keeping the victim as permanent hostage.
After six months of no contact with my rat, he sent an e mail just sayin he misses me. Got ignored and to spam carpet. Last night got other sayin why did you forget me?. Again went to spam but it triggered anxiety, belly discomfort and again lack of sleep. They can act as nothing happened after destroying the victim already.
Put his message into the trash, where he and they belong. I know it's hard, but try not to read them....you know how bad it makes you feel, you've written the words yourself
There is no place for him in your life, there must be no place for him in your recovery, and for as long as you even read his messages, your recovery is hindered.
With regards to revenge, you are right....no revenge is the best revenge....it hurts his ego more to get no reaction. Any revenge keeps us focused on the narcissist we need to remove.
He can rot
I will get rid of that e mail wich by now it’s crucial for me to have, I have international bank accounts notifications there that can’t be changed by phone, need to travel, present my passport then to change the email from there. School info gets there too.. so while I change it, I will keep ignoring but the feeling is like the lion is chasing me.
He is. Are you gonna let him catch you? Eat you alive?
I don't think so
You can change the email with time, it will take ages to change all that stuff.....but you can still ignore his messages, as you already are...just try not to read them too.
Is there a way to block somebody from emailing you?
Some providers have a setting where unwanted emails can go straight to spam and you don’t get notified. You have to rummage through the settings to find it.
I set as unwanted so it drops to spam. I did it from the phone, haven’t seen desktop version. Having a new email it’s easy, few mins. Notifying the bank is the issue. I have to travel and take my passport. It’s requirement for foreigners in order to avoid money laundry and illegal activity.
Yes, he sent from two different accounts. I already got the insurance notification and hope not to even check in a few days. Tho the sense he hasn’t forgot my email is scary.
No. Have been close to the forum to keep the strong mindset. Xx