Psychological tips

Brasilgirl

Senior Rat Expert
It’s easy to see why we were targeted. We are all good people and that is evident in the efforts we take to help others. I’m sure a lot of us felt really good being able to care for someone who, at the time, seemed to appreciate and love us. We weren’t pushed away or stepped on right away. That made us feel good. And making us feel valued is how the rats hook us.
I am no longer so quick to trust. I don’t show it, but I won’t go all in so quickly ever again.
I’ve had some people say they think I’ve matured a lot. But what they see is not maturity in the way they think. It’s the change in the way I protect my heart.
 

Heidi

Inactive
AmberHeart said:
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/reco...8RsexFrHbJnSw8zR7fkbyXvOe-MIvNj6Bdf-aCUyZxL-U It’s about how society gaslights survivors of narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths



Quote :
The Big Picture
Some abusers are more sadistic than others. Some lack empathy, while others also lack a conscience. If you want to help any survivor of psychological abuse by a malignant narcissist, you have to help them acknowledge the mindset of what it means to be a predator – not further gaslight them into believing that they are dealing with someone who possesses empathy or remorse. You have to extend empathy, compassion, and nonjudgment to the victim – not the abuser.
 

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member
Another great find, Little Miss AmberHeart!! :love:
I especially like this bit:
  • They are routinely recruited as spies for the evil-doers.
  • This is Penelope :thumbsup:

  • Most love watching from the sidelines while other people are physically damaged or socially destroyed by the Narcissist’s abusive victimization tactics.
  • This is MMClean :thumbsup:

  • All will readily proclaim, “There are two sides to every story!” as their excuse while fundamentally ignoring the dominant figure being the source of chaos, harm, and social dysfunction.
  • This is Miss Metal :thumbsup:

:eek::eek::eek::eek:
 

juicyfruit

Junior Rat Expert
Another great find, Little Miss AmberHeart!! :love:
I especially like this bit:
  • They are routinely recruited as spies for the evil-doers.
  • This is Penelope :thumbsup::Evil::Evil::Evil:

  • Most love watching from the sidelines while other people are physically damaged or socially destroyed by the Narcissist’s abusive victimization tactics.
  • This is MMClean :thumbsup:SPOT ON!!:mad::mad:

  • All will readily proclaim, “There are two sides to every story!” as their excuse while fundamentally ignoring the dominant figure being the source of chaos, harm, and social dysfunction.
  • This is Miss Metal :thumbsup:..."two faced" friend.:confused:
 

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member
I don't watch these videos anymore...I don't to go back to reliving 15 effen years of mental and physical abuse by my ex-h- narcissist:Cry:...NO THANK YOU!:mad:
I do watch them because I need to understand, I want to learn....and I want to help others.

I need to confront my own anger and self blame to move forward....and this lady describes it perfectly....right down to the moment during the final assault when something inside of her changed.....just as it did for me, when I flew up off that floor like a woman possessed.

On Wednesday, it is the three year anniversary of the loss of my baby....the baby I lost because of his assaults, so I will continue to watch, I will continue to learn and I will continue to fight....for other victims, for all those other innocent lives lost and destroyed.

We all cope differently. Some need to put it behind them and not confront it, some prefer to get an understanding, confront it head on and try to make changes.

I am of the latter, but neither is right or wrong....it's just how our subconscious decides we deal with such trauma :)
 

Brasilgirl

Senior Rat Expert
I believe that a rat is a criminal scammer, who sometimes happens to be also a narcissist
Not a narcissist, who became a rat because of his ailment

View attachment 53597
I beleive this too. My rat was not as bad as a lot of the rats I read about. He seemed almost normal, but he did have a temper at times. He followed the rat book to a T. He lied about almost everything and had many of the misfortunes designed to prompt financial help from his victim. But he wasn’t crazy like some of the rats out there. I think my rat was using me. He had a goal and for him it was just a job. I don’t think the rat loved me at all, ever. I’m not sure if he was a narcissist. But I am sure he was a rat.
 

Brasilgirl

Senior Rat Expert
I have a hard time imagining that a man who lies about his sexual preference and is using a woman doesn’t have some sort of personality disorder. But, what also makes it hard is they’re conditioned to see westerners as fair targets, and Bezness is largely supported by the community. So, it’s hard to know what’s a factor in addition to other more obvious causes.

Plus, women (except for the mother) are just looked at as somewhat worthless and half-brained and bad. The men really are being encouraged to hate women and look down on them. So, I wasn’t surprised to see so many men conditioned to only trust men, plus there’s a lot of closeted homosexuality.
If they are raised to not trust women or hold women in high enough esteem, then it does make sense that they would feel more attached to men they trust. I beleive that there would be a lot of closet gays in Tunisia. I think they have mental issues. That’s pretty obvious.
 

Brasilgirl

Senior Rat Expert
But how do you know this? Online, mine was practically a saint, but in the flesh...well....you know my experience.
There is no way of knowing that your rat was not like that too.....as none of us has ever met him....and thank the good freakin Lord for that!
You’re right.
I don’t know. He could just have more patience than some, who knows?
But you are right. Yours was good for a very long time before he cracked his mask. I’m just so lucky I never met him. Who knows where I’d be? I don’t even want to imagine.
 

Heidi

Inactive
I'm not ashamed! (The taboo subject or romance scams)

So many people treat romance scams as a taboo subject. Often making fun of victims and causing victims to hide the fact they've been scammed. The shame and the ignorance needs to stop. Talking openly helps yourself and helps other victims and non-victims alike


 
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