Psychological tips

Brasilgirl

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I believe that a rat is a criminal scammer, who sometimes happens to be also a narcissist
Not a narcissist, who became a rat because of his ailment

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I beleive this too. My rat was not as bad as a lot of the rats I read about. He seemed almost normal, but he did have a temper at times. He followed the rat book to a T. He lied about almost everything and had many of the misfortunes designed to prompt financial help from his victim. But he wasn’t crazy like some of the rats out there. I think my rat was using me. He had a goal and for him it was just a job. I don’t think the rat loved me at all, ever. I’m not sure if he was a narcissist. But I am sure he was a rat.
 

Brasilgirl

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I have a hard time imagining that a man who lies about his sexual preference and is using a woman doesn’t have some sort of personality disorder. But, what also makes it hard is they’re conditioned to see westerners as fair targets, and Bezness is largely supported by the community. So, it’s hard to know what’s a factor in addition to other more obvious causes.

Plus, women (except for the mother) are just looked at as somewhat worthless and half-brained and bad. The men really are being encouraged to hate women and look down on them. So, I wasn’t surprised to see so many men conditioned to only trust men, plus there’s a lot of closeted homosexuality.
If they are raised to not trust women or hold women in high enough esteem, then it does make sense that they would feel more attached to men they trust. I beleive that there would be a lot of closet gays in Tunisia. I think they have mental issues. That’s pretty obvious.
 

Mango Chutney

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My rat was not as bad as a lot of the rats I read about.
But how do you know this? Online, mine was practically a saint, but in the flesh...well....you know my experience.
There is no way of knowing that your rat was not like that too.....as none of us has ever met him....and thank the good freakin Lord for that!
 

Brasilgirl

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But how do you know this? Online, mine was practically a saint, but in the flesh...well....you know my experience.
There is no way of knowing that your rat was not like that too.....as none of us has ever met him....and thank the good freakin Lord for that!
You’re right.
I don’t know. He could just have more patience than some, who knows?
But you are right. Yours was good for a very long time before he cracked his mask. I’m just so lucky I never met him. Who knows where I’d be? I don’t even want to imagine.
 

Heidi

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I'm not ashamed! (The taboo subject or romance scams)

So many people treat romance scams as a taboo subject. Often making fun of victims and causing victims to hide the fact they've been scammed. The shame and the ignorance needs to stop. Talking openly helps yourself and helps other victims and non-victims alike


 

Brasilgirl

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You’re right.
I don’t know. He could just have more patience than some, who knows?
But you are right. Yours was good for a very long time before he cracked his mask. I’m just so lucky I never met him. Who knows where I’d be? I don’t even want to imagine.
I guess I feel like my rat was not that bad because I never really seen his temper explode. He did have a few moments, but he didn’t show unusual aggression. It’s really hard for me to imagine him being that mean. But on the other hand, now I know that he did show the scammer side many times. And, he did hurt me emotionally several times. Perhaps it’s the type of abuse that can vary?
His game fell apart before his mask cracked.
 

Epiphany

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I guess I feel like my rat was not that bad because I never really seen his temper explode. He did have a few moments, but he didn’t show unusual aggression. It’s really hard for me to imagine him being that mean. But on the other hand, now I know that he did show the scammer side many times. And, he did hurt me emotionally several times. Perhaps it’s the type of abuse that can vary?
His game fell apart before his mask cracked.
I can relate. I never seen the other side of my rat either as the only time he showed rat behaviour was when he gave me silent treatment.
I have no doubt that I would have seen the real him once I went to Tunisia and I believe the same for you
 

AmberHeart

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Thank you. I understand more now. If I would call out my rat for anything, I was crazy, insane or something was wrong with my head. I suffered from panic attacks. Now that I have cut him out of my life, I can finally sleep through the night.
Exactly it is manipulation and emotional abuse. Then silent treatment and lovebombing again.
 

Snuggle

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Manipulating is their hobby.
I have been in a bad place lately, never been feeling so low. Think the reality what has been happening to me for the last years with rat has sunk in.
The more I read here the more I realize that he never loved me for one minute, he used and abused me, he told me lie after lie.
I have been so low that I started crying when somebody at work asked a simple question and I just lost it. I think the poor man is still upset about it.
Normally when something happens I get back up, dust myself off and get on with real life.
Somehow my rat does sense this and tries to reel me back into his rat life.
Sadly for me he just lives around the corner so sometimes I bump into him.
 

Mango Chutney

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Great find....and so true, it’s pretty frightening! I found all those ‘Hi’ messages on his phone....he’d send about twenty/thirty a day and wait to see who replied. I wish I’d been like the majority of others he tried with....and ignored him.

Did have a little giggle at this though:

D8D89919-FB36-46EB-B5BC-53ED1F0ECC95.jpeg
It’s so true!! :rolleyes::D:D
 
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