Receiving money

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
Sorry to disappoint Croydon Girl. He will legally make it to England. He has no criminal record and we have all the credentials. The first plan was to marry in Tunisia and as that is not possible due


Please don’t feel sorry for me. Nothing is impossible. I have had legal advice. We’re on Lockdown now so more delays. Fiancé visa is the most difficult to obtain. If it fails despite my lawyers in future then we will consider other options. Like marrying in Seychelles with Foreign Office and Embassy permissions. Do you remember Heather from Eastenders? An actress. She took years to bring her Morrocan spouse to England. They are happy together despite age difference. I am a Romantic and yes my aunt has said I act like her teen granddaughters! I’ve never had responsibility of children and I never had to cook for same. I always had food made for me or bought. I can do little more than basics, but even Domestic science teacher at school gave up on me. I’m a dreamer and sometimes dreams come true. Will make a change from the nightmares I’ve experienced from western men. So yes I’m bowled over by Tunisian charm.

I will try and protect my assets. I learnt from my ex husband who held on to his!
Why telling us you never had responsibility of children or always had food made for you? Almost sounds like you’re gloating and bragging over the facts. You can have no children and not know how to cook and still be a responsible person. You say you’re a dreamer. Well, having dreams is good but we still have to stay down to earth. Same with being a Romantic.
No, I don’t know who Heather from Eastenders is. Are you living in TV shows and reality TV?
Visa lawyers can only do so much even when everything on paper sounds legal. At the end of the day, it’s up to the immigration people to decide who they grant visas to. They look at what immigrants can offer to the country. What will he bring to the Uk? He doesn’t have valuable qualifications or degrees. Make no mistake, they’ll see him for what he is : a freeloader taking advantage of a British citizen and who plans to get benefits and freebies from the Government while contributing nothing to the economy of the country. Parasites. Your age difference is a big clue to them. They became very strict twith this kind of couples this last couple of years after getting many complaints by women and men who brought a spouse from overseas. They aren’t stupid.
So because you have had bad experience with western men, you believe that Tunisian men can only be better? Bowled over Tunisian (fake) charm, uh? It’s unfortunate you have had a bad history with men but it’s surprising you haven’t learned to be more leery. Please, get a grip on reality, Pussycatz. I know he makes you “feel good” and it’s addictive but he’s deceiving you.
Glad you’re no longer willing to give him money. At least, you understand that and it’s already a big positive step.
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
My ex was an angel when i was at Tunisia,well he hit me one time,but as soon as he got his visa and entered my country,he showed his true colors.
I’m so sorry for what you experienced from this man. I’m glad he’s out of your life. So many women said that the kind man they met on line changed instantly as soon as they came to their country. They’re just fake asses. Disgusting individuals.
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
Sometimes it takes an even Stronger woman to weather the storm.
You’re kidding, right? Are you implying that you are actually stronger than these brave and smart women who cut ties with men as soon as they figured they were rats?
They loved them or at least cared a lot about them and they were extremely strong. They said no thank you even though these men made them feel good. You haven’t been able to let him go even though you saw many signs and red flags.
Weather the storm? You think it’s just a storm and you’re being strong (and not only that, you’ve been stronger than the women who left rats) walking through it. Seriously, Pussycatz...
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
Why telling us you never had responsibility of children or always had food made for you? Almost sounds like you’re gloating and bragging over the facts. You can have no children and not know how to cook and still be a responsible person. You say you’re a dreamer. Well, having dreams is good but we still have to stay down to earth. Same with being a Romantic.
No, I don’t know who Heather from Eastenders is. Are you living in TV shows and reality TV?
Visa lawyers can only do so much even when everything on paper sounds legal. At the end of the day, it’s up to the immigration people to decide who they grant visas to. They look at what immigrants can offer to the country. What will he bring to the Uk? He doesn’t have valuable qualifications or degrees. Make no mistake, they’ll see him for what he is : a freeloader taking advantage of a British citizen and who plans to get benefits and freebies from the Government while contributing nothing to the economy of the country. Parasites. Your age difference is a big clue to them. They became very strict twith this kind of couples this last couple of years after getting many complaints by women and men who brought a spouse from overseas. They aren’t stupid.
So because you have had bad experience with western men, you believe that Tunisian men can only be better? Bowled over Tunisian (fake) charm, uh? It’s unfortunate you have had a bad history with men but it’s surprising you haven’t learned to be more leery. Please, get a grip on reality, Pussycatz. I know he makes you “feel good” and it’s addictive but he’s deceiving you.
Glad you’re no longer willing to give him money. At least, you understand that and it’s already a big positive step.
Dear Southern Girl, I’m not bragging it’s not my nature, but stating facts. I thought in a humorous way as in Can’t Cook Won’t Cook another British TV program. I forgot you’re American so I apologise for you not knowing who Heather formerly from Eastenders the Sitcom. I take offence as to your assuming my Fiancé is a freeloader. He works hard and will do so with career opportunities in UK. In no way do Tunisians have recourse to Government funding for FIVE YEARS! That’s the Law and why the Spouse/Fiancé sponsors them and have to pass the financial criteria, accommodating and basically supporting them until they find work and/or Study. How dare you assume he is not going to do well in life. Not everyone has a University degree. I’m not going to accuse you of snobbery but you certainly are making assumptions about the underprivileged. Given the education and privilege we take for granted who is to say what can or can not be achieved. He went to College and got Computer certified but as you may know that field changes. He is also a Painter and decorator taught by a Master decorator and has done Hospitals, Hotels and private commissions. He’s interested in aviation but that sadly is for the privileged as Pilot Licence with training is around 95k. He self taught himself speaking 4 different languages as he worked in hotels when younger. I will reiterate I came on here seeking answers to my questions and was in turn asked questions which I honestly answered. How this is interpreted depends on the individual. I give credit where credit is due. I refrain from insults best I can. I’m fully capable of weighing up the pros and cons in my individual case and I abhor racism, sexism, ageism. I believe in the Justice system here. They deal with facts not assumptions. And age difference is not a factor in a LEGAL decision. Sure maybe if the application was attempted by the couple themselves and the Home Office has been called to Human Rights attention as to their supposedly 3 Tier system behind the scenes, where North Africans and West are rejected in the main, it is difficult to appeal but in Case Law and I have worked in Solicitors offices as PA/Admin there would have to be a legitimate reason to deny entry and not just prejudice against age difference! That’s non Negotiable. Anyway leave it at that. I have a right to make up my own mind about not dumping my Fiancé because the majority may think so. I’m not a lemming! And he’s not a rat. I’m not on the wrong website. I’m here looking for answers and avoiding pitfalls. Let’s leave it at that and advise others please. All that can be said has been. Repeatedly! I guess one reason is I gave TMI about my private life. I can take constructive criticisms not put downs.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
You’re kidding, right? Are you implying that you are actually stronger than these brave and smart women who cut ties with men as soon as they figured they were rats?
They loved them or at least cared a lot about them and they were extremely strong. They said no thank you even though these men made them feel good. You haven’t been able to let him go even though you saw many signs and red flags.
Weather the storm? You think it’s just a storm and you’re being strong (and not only that, you’ve been stronger than the women who left rats) walking through it. Seriously, Pussycatz...
Listen you assumed I was weaker than them. Don’t mistake my empathy for that. I’m pretty resilient. You can look at it both ways. Giving up half way up Mount Everest as being weak or strong depending on the weather conditions. Climbing to the top in perilous conditions being brave or ....whatever descriptive. There’s no pleasing everyone. Anyway I don’t have abandonment issues and neither am I going to reneg on my promise ring.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
Listen you assumed I was weaker than them. Don’t mistake my empathy for that. I’m pretty resilient. You can look at it both ways. Giving up half way up Mount Everest as being weak or strong depending on the weather conditions. Climbing to the top in perilous conditions being brave or ....whatever descriptive. There’s no pleasing everyone. Anyway I don’t have abandonment issues and neither am I going to reneg on my promise to him. Unless he does something drastic. He’s not a clone of all the rats here just because inflated prices which he justifies saying the exchange rate was different and that he was talking about all costs associated with the paperwork including transport to Capital. Yes maybe I don’t believe him and believe the women here but it’s not enough to dump him over a few quid.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
Yes they get worse - listen to the members on here.

They care about you and know what's going to happen.

MH x
I did listen to them and no one but God knows what’s going to happen. There are women married to Tunisians happily. Despite who paid for what. The person with higher income can pay to be fair. The rats who have no intention of staying married or getting married are the real rats.
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
Listen you assumed I was weaker than them. Don’t mistake my empathy for that. I’m pretty resilient. You can look at it both ways. Giving up half way up Mount Everest as being weak or strong depending on the weather conditions. Climbing to the top in perilous conditions being brave or ....whatever descriptive. There’s no pleasing everyone. Anyway I don’t have abandonment issues and neither am I going to reneg on my promise ring.
Didn’t assume you were weak. This is about self esteem and use of common sense. You called yourself stronger than women who refused to be taken for a ride and who cut communication with men as soon as they recognizes them as being cunning rats. These ladies call them out on their bs and saw right through their lies and said enough. You repeatedly said your guy lied to you, that he took advantage of your kindness many times and that he still does, but you’re still with him and you’re still here “looking for answers”. Yet you’re stronger than these women because you’re willing, unlike them, to weather the storm. Don’t you see the irony?
 

Jane

Major Ratslayer
Sorry to disappoint Croydon Girl. He will legally make it to England. He has no criminal record and we have all the credentials. The first plan was to marry in Tunisia and as that is not possible due


Please don’t feel sorry for me. Nothing is impossible. I have had legal advice. We’re on Lockdown now so more delays. Fiancé visa is the most difficult to obtain. If it fails despite my lawyers in future then we will consider other options. Like marrying in Seychelles with Foreign Office and Embassy permissions. Do you remember Heather from Eastenders? An actress. She took years to bring her Morrocan spouse to England. They are happy together despite age difference. I am a Romantic and yes my aunt has said I act like her teen granddaughters! I’ve never had responsibility of children and I never had to cook for same. I always had food made for me or bought. I can do little more than basics, but even Domestic science teacher at school gave up on me. I’m a dreamer and sometimes dreams come true. Will make a change from the nightmares I’ve experienced from western men. So yes I’m bowled over by Tunisian charm.

I will try and protect my assets. I learnt from my ex husband who held on to his!
By your own admission you’re useless at cooking and never had to do anything but the basics to run a household ! I come back to thr point, what do you really think he gains out of a marriage to you ? Tunisian men want women who can cook and are good housekeepers sexist thought it sounds it’s reality hahaha

Do you really thinks he’s in love with you cus you were an ex beauty queen goodness knows how many years ago ??
again i come to my point harsh though I sound ... there a teeny bit of arrogance in your absolute conviction of his adoration to you and that it couldn’t possibly be your visa or money ....

You were clearly raised with a great deal of self confidence which is good however sometimes a dose of reality is also good : the guy is after your money and the visa and he’s one heck of a lucky rat ... believe me, he will cling to you and won’t risk losing you cus you’re his lottery ticket !! He will be on his best behaviour til he’s drained you dry! Don’t confuse this fact for thinking it’s simply adoration of your wonderful self !!
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
Dear Southern Girl, I’m not bragging it’s not my nature, but stating facts. I thought in a humorous way as in Can’t Cook Won’t Cook another British TV program. I forgot you’re American so I apologise for you not knowing who Heather formerly from Eastenders the Sitcom. I take offence as to your assuming my Fiancé is a freeloader. He works hard and will do so with career opportunities in UK. In no way do Tunisians have recourse to Government funding for FIVE YEARS! That’s the Law and why the Spouse/Fiancé sponsors them and have to pass the financial criteria, accommodating and basically supporting them until they find work and/or Study. How dare you assume he is not going to do well in life. Not everyone has a University degree. I’m not going to accuse you of snobbery but you certainly are making assumptions about the underprivileged. Given the education and privilege we take for granted who is to say what can or can not be achieved. He went to College and got Computer certified but as you may know that field changes. He is also a Painter and decorator taught by a Master decorator and has done Hospitals, Hotels and private commissions. He’s interested in aviation but that sadly is for the privileged as Pilot Licence with training is around 95k. He self taught himself speaking 4 different languages as he worked in hotels when younger. I will reiterate I came on here seeking answers to my questions and was in turn asked questions which I honestly answered. How this is interpreted depends on the individual. I give credit where credit is due. I refrain from insults best I can. I’m fully capable of weighing up the pros and cons in my individual case and I abhor racism, sexism, ageism. I believe in the Justice system here. They deal with facts not assumptions. And age difference is not a factor in a LEGAL decision. Sure maybe if the application was attempted by the couple themselves and the Home Office has been called to Human Rights attention as to their supposedly 3 Tier system behind the scenes, where North Africans and West are rejected in the main, it is difficult to appeal but in Case Law and I have worked in Solicitors offices as PA/Admin there would have to be a legitimate reason to deny entry and not just prejudice against age difference! That’s non Negotiable. Anyway leave it at that. I have a right to make up my own mind about not dumping my Fiancé because the majority may think so. I’m not a lemming! And he’s not a rat. I’m not on the wrong website. I’m here looking for answers and avoiding pitfalls. Let’s leave it at that and advise others please. All that can be said has been. Repeatedly! I guess one reason is I gave TMI about my private life. I can take constructive criticisms not put downs.
I’m sorry if you didn’t like some things that I said but you said you came here for answers. Problem is you feel offended because you don’t like the answers you get. I didn’t insult you or put you down. I’m careful with my words as I believe you’re already wounded enough as it is and I will not hurt someone for the sake of hurting. I think you want support and attention, not really answers because you got all the answers you need and we’re still turning in circles with you. You do not listen and you do not hear. You tell us a lot of ... yes you’re right.. I see your point... yes it’s probably true etc etc.. but then you turn around and say that you believe in rat redemption, that people change, that you’re a dreamer, that dreams can come true, that this is true love etc... Many knowledgeable ladies in this forum answered you and you still say and believe the same. I noticed that some don’t answer anymore. They probably gave up but they’ll be here the day when you need real help and comfort.

You took offense when I called your dude a freeloader and when I said that’s how he will be perceived by the UK authorities if/when he applies for a visa. This is not me being judgy, pessimistic, mean, out of touch, cynical, negative.. This is reality. Get freakin’real for once. Stop living in your dreams. You said that lawyers get their opinions based on facts and not assumptions. Lawyers are not the ones who’ll make the final decisions. The immigration people do and they base their decisions on facts and numbers and the fact is there are more and more cases of marriage fraud in Europe and they see the same patterns and profiles. The kind of couple you two make, they saw hundreds before. They know why these marriages happen and they know the outcome of them. They aren’t racist or ageist when they refuse to give a visa to a 23 year old unemployed North African who claims he wants to live in England so he can be with his 50 year old new bride. Age is a big factor even though you don’t believe it. Him being a painter or a decorator, having a computer certification and having done some college will not help. Same with having worked with tourists and speaking 4 languages.

I know you believe in him and are so impressed by his credentials, but they won’t be. By the way, you know that everybody in the Maghreb speak at least 3 languages. They learn Tunisian Arabic (dialect) at home, then Arabic and French in primary school, then in secondary school, they learn English and sometimes another language: Italian, German... There is nothing impressive. I myself speak 4 languages and it’s no bragging matter. Knowing multiple languages is not a sign of intelligence. He didn’t teach himself 4 languages. I called him a freeloader because that what I call a man who can make his own money but takes it from others and lies about why he needs it. He even said you two should buy a house in Tunisia. You see it as helping someone who is underprivileged. All right.

I know telling you all that won’t change anything. I’m not telling you to leave him. You’re not my child, my mom, my sister. What you do is your business. I am not giving you advice. I’m just seeing a woman who puts herself in danger and who is on this site to get opinions and answers. You got them, you do what you want with them. You got constructive criticism but you don’t accept any of it. 3 years visiting this forum and you still maintain he’s not a rat. Or maybe he is or he was before, but he’ll change. In 3 years here, how many times have you heard of a rat who changed his ways? None but your dude is going to change. and of course you need to change too because you’re so tough on him. I cringe when I hear you say things like that. That’s what narcissists does, make others feel bad. How do you put up with that? You even said he has temper tantrums. At almost 30.

I’m done. Still hope you’ll see the light and protect your assets and your ass too from him. One day, you’ll say that all these short moments of fun and joy you had with him were not worth it and that it was a loss of time. Please don’t isolate yourself. See friends or make some new ones. See a shrink so you learn some tools to handle your anxiety. Take up a new activity. Anything, but don’t stay alone and wait all day for him to show up on line. Just suggestions. Hope you can find peace in your life.
 

simple

Major Ratslayer
@SouthernGirl all we can do now ,is be here when she needs us,,,Youve exhausted yourself ,but youve done your best,,The saying flogging a dead horse,comes to mind.Its frustrating i know ,because we can see where this relationship is going ,but theres nothing more we can do,,Hopefully ,she will remain a member ,as we will also worry if we dont hear from her.xxxx
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
@SouthernGirl all we can do now ,is be here when she needs us,,,Youve exhausted yourself ,but youve done your best,,The saying flogging a dead horse,comes to mind.Its frustrating i know ,because we can see where this relationship is going ,but theres nothing more we can do,,Hopefully ,she will remain a member ,as we will also worry if we dont hear from her.xxxx
It’s exactly that, Simple. There is no point trying more for now. What we say is misinterpreted or not fully understood. I think she knows we’ll be there when things turn sour and as you said, hopefully, she’ll stay here and will give us some news or we’ll worry. Thank you for your message.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
Didn’t assume you were weak. This is about self esteem and use of common sense. You called yourself stronger than women who refused to be taken for a ride and who cut communication with men as soon as they recognizes them as being cunning rats. These ladies call them out on their bs and saw right through their lies and said enough. You repeatedly said your guy lied to you, that he took advantage of your kindness many times and that he still does, but you’re still with him and you’re still here “looking for answers”. Yet you’re stronger than these women because you’re willing, unlike them, to weather the storm. Don’t you see the irony?
Oh stop twisting my words. You said it first, strong women have left their men etc insinuating I was weaker. It was YOU who implied this not me. I merely defended myself in that it takes a brave woman to not throw the towel in and face the consequences. The one who is comparing is me to other women is you. I merely stated that both staying the course and/or leaving takes a similar amount of bravery.
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
I’m sorry if you didn’t like some things that I said but you said you came here for answers. Problem is you feel offended because you don’t like the answers you get. I didn’t insult you or put you down. I’m careful with my words as I believe you’re already wounded enough as it is and I will not hurt someone for the sake of hurting. I think you want support and attention, not really answers because you got all the answers you need and we’re still turning in circles with you. You do not listen and you do not hear. You tell us a lot of ... yes you’re right.. I see your point... yes it’s probably true etc etc.. but then you turn around and say that you believe in rat redemption, that people change, that you’re a dreamer, that dreams can come true, that this is true love etc... Many knowledgeable ladies in this forum answered you and you still say and believe the same. I noticed that some don’t answer anymore. They probably gave up but they’ll be here the day when you need real help and comfort.

You took offense when I called your dude a freeloader and when I said that’s how he will be perceived by the UK authorities if/when he applies for a visa. This is not me being judgy, pessimistic, mean, out of touch, cynical, negative.. This is reality. Get freakin’real for once. Stop living in your dreams. You said that lawyers get their opinions based on facts and not assumptions. Lawyers are not the ones who’ll make the final decisions. The immigration people do and they base their decisions on facts and numbers and the fact is there are more and more cases of marriage fraud in Europe and they see the same patterns and profiles. The kind of couple you two make, they saw hundreds before. They know why these marriages happen and they know the outcome of them. They aren’t racist or ageist when they refuse to give a visa to a 23 year old unemployed North African who claims he wants to live in England so he can be with his 50 year old new bride. Age is a big factor even though you don’t believe it. Him being a painter or a decorator, having a computer certification and having done some college will not help. Same with having worked with tourists and speaking 4 languages.

I know you believe in him and are so impressed by his credentials, but they won’t be. By the way, you know that everybody in the Maghreb speak at least 3 languages. They learn Tunisian Arabic (dialect) at home, then Arabic and French in primary school, then in secondary school, they learn English and sometimes another language: Italian, German... There is nothing impressive. I myself speak 4 languages and it’s no bragging matter. Knowing multiple languages is not a sign of intelligence. He didn’t teach himself 4 languages. I called him a freeloader because that what I call a man who can make his own money but takes it from others and lies about why he needs it. He even said you two should buy a house in Tunisia. You see it as helping someone who is underprivileged. All right.

I know telling you all that won’t change anything. I’m not telling you to leave him. You’re not my child, my mom, my sister. What you do is your business. I am not giving you advice. I’m just seeing a woman who puts herself in danger and who is on this site to get opinions and answers. You got them, you do what you want with them. You got constructive criticism but you don’t accept any of it. 3 years visiting this forum and you still maintain he’s not a rat. Or maybe he is or he was before, but he’ll change. In 3 years here, how many times have you heard of a rat who changed his ways? None but your dude is going to change. and of course you need to change too because you’re so tough on him. I cringe when I hear you say things like that. That’s what narcissists does, make others feel bad. How do you put up with that? You even said he has temper tantrums. At almost 30.

I’m done. Still hope you’ll see the light and protect your assets and your ass too from him. One day, you’ll say that all these short moments of fun and joy you had with him were not worth it and that it was a loss of time. Please don’t isolate yourself. See friends or make some new ones. See a shrink so you learn some tools to handle your anxiety. Take up a new activity. Anything, but don’t stay alone and wait all day for him to show up on line. Just suggestions. Hope you can find peace in your life.
Great post - thank you for your never ending support.

MH x
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
I’m so sorry for what you experienced from this man. I’m glad he’s out of your life. So many women said that the kind man they met on line changed instantly as soon as they came to their country. They’re just fake asses. Disgusting individuals.
My sisters friend met a Turkish guy on hols in her twenties, he charmed her, charmed her family, parents etc...they all adored him without exception! Got him a visa, they married and he moved to UK. Within weeks began to beat the s h i t out of her and she quickly became a battered wife!
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
By your own admission you’re useless at cooking and never had to do anything but the basics to run a household ! I come back to thr point, what do you really think he gains out of a marriage to you ? Tunisian men want women who can cook and are good housekeepers sexist thought it sounds it’s reality hahaha

Do you really thinks he’s in love with you cus you were an ex beauty queen goodness knows how many years ago ??
again i come to my point harsh though I sound ... there a teeny bit of arrogance in your absolute conviction of his adoration to you and that it couldn’t possibly be your visa or money ....

You were clearly raised with a great deal of self confidence which is good however sometimes a dose of reality is also good : the guy is after your money and the visa and he’s one heck of a lucky rat ... believe me, he will cling to you and won’t risk losing you cus you’re his lottery ticket !! He will be on his best behaviour til he’s drained you dry! Don’t confuse this fact for thinking it’s simply adoration of your wonderful self !!
No those are
By your own admission you’re useless at cooking and never had to do anything but the basics to run a household ! I come back to thr point, what do you really think he gains out of a marriage to you ? Tunisian men want women who can cook and are good housekeepers sexist thought it sounds it’s reality hahaha

Do you really thinks he’s in love with you cus you were an ex beauty queen goodness knows how many years ago ??
again i come to my point harsh though I sound ... there a teeny bit of arrogance in your absolute conviction of his adoration to you and that it couldn’t possibly be your visa or money ....

You were clearly raised with a great deal of self confidence which is good however sometimes a dose of reality is also good : the guy is after your money and the visa and he’s one heck of a lucky rat ... believe me, he will cling to you and won’t risk losing you cus you’re his lottery ticket !! He will be on his best behaviour til he’s drained you dry! Don’t confuse this fact for thinking it’s simply adoration of your wonderful self !!
I never said he loved me for my past achievements or my cooking skills or visa for that matter. He can marry a Swiss French or British Tunisian woman more easily if he was after that. Europe is a gateway to rest of the World and he's blocked all women on his facebook. Including new friend requests. I'm the most difficult choice as I cannot marry in his Country! As previously explained. He loves me for me. The fact I competed in beauty pageants in the past does not come into the equation. Don't attempt to undermine me. Love knows the heart like he says not age. As for cooking it is not rocket science. He is a modern young man and he's learned from his sister how to cook certain Tunisian dishes. I never witnessed him doing it but I've avoided doing it most of my life. Who knows I might become Gordon Ramsey, swear words included! Or Mary Berry but I seriously doubt it. He wants a wife not a domestic Goddess. We can figure out the rest as we go along.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
I’m sorry if you didn’t like some things that I said but you said you came here for answers. Problem is you feel offended because you don’t like the answers you get. I didn’t insult you or put you down. I’m careful with my words as I believe you’re already wounded enough as it is and I will not hurt someone for the sake of hurting. I think you want support and attention, not really answers because you got all the answers you need and we’re still turning in circles with you. You do not listen and you do not hear. You tell us a lot of ... yes you’re right.. I see your point... yes it’s probably true etc etc.. but then you turn around and say that you believe in rat redemption, that people change, that you’re a dreamer, that dreams can come true, that this is true love etc... Many knowledgeable ladies in this forum answered you and you still say and believe the same. I noticed that some don’t answer anymore. They probably gave up but they’ll be here the day when you need real help and comfort.

You took offense when I called your dude a freeloader and when I said that’s how he will be perceived by the UK authorities if/when he applies for a visa. This is not me being judgy, pessimistic, mean, out of touch, cynical, negative.. This is reality. Get freakin’real for once. Stop living in your dreams. You said that lawyers get their opinions based on facts and not assumptions. Lawyers are not the ones who’ll make the final decisions. The immigration people do and they base their decisions on facts and numbers and the fact is there are more and more cases of marriage fraud in Europe and they see the same patterns and profiles. The kind of couple you two make, they saw hundreds before. They know why these marriages happen and they know the outcome of them. They aren’t racist or ageist when they refuse to give a visa to a 23 year old unemployed North African who claims he wants to live in England so he can be with his 50 year old new bride. Age is a big factor even though you don’t believe it. Him being a painter or a decorator, having a computer certification and having done some college will not help. Same with having worked with tourists and speaking 4 languages.

I know you believe in him and are so impressed by his credentials, but they won’t be. By the way, you know that everybody in the Maghreb speak at least 3 languages. They learn Tunisian Arabic (dialect) at home, then Arabic and French in primary school, then in secondary school, they learn English and sometimes another language: Italian, German... There is nothing impressive. I myself speak 4 languages and it’s no bragging matter. Knowing multiple languages is not a sign of intelligence. He didn’t teach himself 4 languages. I called him a freeloader because that what I call a man who can make his own money but takes it from others and lies about why he needs it. He even said you two should buy a house in Tunisia. You see it as helping someone who is underprivileged. All right.

I know telling you all that won’t change anything. I’m not telling you to leave him. You’re not my child, my mom, my sister. What you do is your business. I am not giving you advice. I’m just seeing a woman who puts herself in danger and who is on this site to get opinions and answers. You got them, you do what you want with them. You got constructive criticism but you don’t accept any of it. 3 years visiting this forum and you still maintain he’s not a rat. Or maybe he is or he was before, but he’ll change. In 3 years here, how many times have you heard of a rat who changed his ways? None but your dude is going to change. and of course you need to change too because you’re so tough on him. I cringe when I hear you say things like that. That’s what narcissists does, make others feel bad. How do you put up with that? You even said he has temper tantrums. At almost 30.

I’m done. Still hope you’ll see the light and protect your assets and your ass too from him. One day, you’ll say that all these short moments of fun and joy you had with him were not worth it and that it was a loss of time. Please don’t isolate yourself. See friends or make some new ones. See a shrink so you learn some tools to handle your anxiety. Take up a new activity. Anything, but don’t stay alone and wait all day for him to show up on line. Just suggestions. Hope you can find peace in your life.
Thank you. This advice is from the heart and straightforward. I dont need a shrink, I've seen one for PTSD in the past after a head on Collision. But maybe for the fact I can't sleep due to responding in depth on this forum. I need a hobby you are right. We all need peace. I wish you the same.
 

tutusandfrogs

Major Ratslayer
Where you muslim before you met your husband or did he persuade you to convert? Yes religious differences can complicate matters. However I think there is a lot of hypocrisy in most religious followers in that they pick an choose parts of the religion to follow and ignore others. Religion and Politics are my least favourite topics. My Aunt an ex airhostess married an Iranian Pilot and in those days it was more difficult to marry outside Christianity. My own 1st marriage in a Registry Office to an Atheist former British muslim was never recognised by Catholic Church. Dispensation from a Bishop is required. What really upsets me is that majority Muslims expect their partners to convert to Islam but are shunned and killed in some cases as in the documentaries if they leave their religion

Because to quote a cliche Life isn’t black and white. I’m here to explore the grey areas as most newcomers are looking for answers to their questions or maybe I’m wrong. Imagine a Court case where the Jury is out. That is my position right now. My Fiancé’s actions to date do not justify me leaving him. He hasn’t swindled me out of house and home, he hasn’t beaten me up and he hasn’t hit my credit ratings. What I mean is there’s no hard evidence he’s cheated either. Case dismissed. I think I bared my soul on here and was misunderstood and it’s hard to explain that I do appreciate the advice but the part where some suggest I leave him is non negotiable. l will not abandon my Fiancé through fear alone.
My husband didn't know I was Muslim for 3 or 4 months when I converted. He has never pressured me with religion, but he asks me about Salah, for support and encouragement. We didn't even talk about marriage until he knew I was Muslim. In the early days, when we first started talking he did ask me if I knew about Islam... but they were always short, casual conversations. I don't think this marriage would work for either of us, if we were not the same religion.
 

smiley

Major Ratslayer
I did listen to them and no one but God knows what’s going to happen. There are women married to Tunisians happily. Despite who paid for what. The person with higher income can pay to be fair. The rats who have no intention of staying married or getting married are the real rats.
There is a big age gap between you and your man,which is not acceptable in tunisia. More than five years is haram
 

Amira

Major Ratslayer
My husband didn't know I was Muslim for 3 or 4 months when I converted. He has never pressured me with religion, but he asks me about Salah, for support and encouragement. We didn't even talk about marriage until he knew I was Muslim. In the early days, when we first started talking he did ask me if I knew about Islam... but they were always short, casual conversations. I don't think this marriage would work for either of us, if we were not the same religion.
Marriage is like a roller coaster and you never know if it will work until some time has passed. It's just crossing your fingers for you really.
 

tutusandfrogs

Major Ratslayer
If you have problems, I think communication is very important and honesty is very important maybe more than religion .
Absolutely, I agree. He always encourages me to tell him what's on my heart. What I meant to say is that right from the start this marriage would not have worked based on religion if we were both not muslim. Not for him and not for me.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
My husband didn't know I was Muslim for 3 or 4 months when I converted. He has never pressured me with religion, but he asks me about Salah, for support and encouragement. We didn't even talk about marriage until he knew I was Muslim. In the early days, when we first started talking he did ask me if I knew about Islam... but they were always short, casual conversations. I don't think this marriage would work for either of us, if we were not the same religion.
I'm happy it works for you and the majority of converts to Islam. Personally I could never deny Jesus Christ as the Son of God. I would feel like Judas. My Catholism is ingrained in me though "Father Peter" a priest wasn't pleased at my confession I did not go to Church regularly. I know my Fiance doesn't go to Mosque every Friday. He would love me to convert but does not pressurize me. I explained he was taught his religion at a very early age and I know the teachings are very strict with severe consequences if the small minority leave Islam. They are hounded and given fatwas. Literally can be put to death in Pakistan, Iran etc. The latter Amnesty is forever campaigning for the release of women jailed for daring not to wear hijab including a British born Human Rights Lawyer Nasrin who was given 148 lashes of the whip public flogging. This is the dark face of Islam. I'm sure the Christian Crusaders were quite cruel but we live in the 21st Century now whereas human rights particularly of females are still being fought at the cost of their lives. Death of a Princess in Saudi for example. So Islam a religion of peace perplexes people when Islamic majority Countries treat their women do poorly instead of Queens. Having said that modern day Islamists do have the same level of freedom and choice or at least it seems until you notice some are shunned by their communities for "western practices". I learned two of my estranged nieces who married British born Pakistani muslims have or are converted to Islam recently and their sister not though married also to a Muslim. I can only conclude Muslim men are very charming but controlling on the whole. I have noticed I've stopped wearing low tops etc to please him well just because a woman wears a burkha for example doesn't make her more pious. I need to be true to myself. Zied says he respects my religion and a few years ago a friend of his married a Jewish Hungarian woman twice his age. They seem happy. Tunisia is more accepting of other religions. Your conversation was your own decision and whatever makes you feel safe and happy. Good luck. We have the right to choose to convert. Sadly most muslims don't. I dont understand why they burn down Churches including the one I was born in Islamic Countries when we have dozens of mosques here in UK. Seems that fuels religious hatred.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
There is a big age gap between you and your man,which is not acceptable in tunisia. More than five years is haram
Thank you for your opinion but it is not haram. Prophet Muhammad's first wife was 15 years his senior. The second wife a mere child. So I really don't care what Villagers with Pitchforks think or misinformed Islamists who hate foreigners anyway. Because we take their men, dress inappropriately and do the darn we please swishing our hair about and daring to catch vitamin D from the sun.
 

smiley

Major Ratslayer
Thank you for your opinion but it is not haram. Prophet Muhammad's first wife was 15 years his senior. The second wife a mere child. So I really don't care what Villagers with Pitchforks think or misinformed Islamists who hate foreigners anyway. Because we take their men, dress inappropriately and do the darn we please swishing our hair about and daring to catch vitamin D from the sun.
I know and its discusting,but ask another member snd they will say the same
 

Myriam1

Major Ratslayer
According to islam muslim men can marry up to 4 women from "ahl ul kitab" meaning "people of the book" (muslim, christian or jewish) and have as many women as they want from their "right hand possessions" (slaves).

In Tunisia the bride should be younger than the groom, if it's the other way around Tunisians don't accept it as a true marriage and only acceptable for rattery.
So I'm included in the last group as well.
 

Amira

Major Ratslayer
I'm happy it works for you and the majority of converts to Islam. Personally I could never deny Jesus Christ as the Son of God. I would feel like Judas. My Catholism is ingrained in me though "Father Peter" a priest wasn't pleased at my confession I did not go to Church regularly. I know my Fiance doesn't go to Mosque every Friday. He would love me to convert but does not pressurize me. I explained he was taught his religion at a very early age and I know the teachings are very strict with severe consequences if the small minority leave Islam. They are hounded and given fatwas. Literally can be put to death in Pakistan, Iran etc. The latter Amnesty is forever campaigning for the release of women jailed for daring not to wear hijab including a British born Human Rights Lawyer Nasrin who was given 148 lashes of the whip public flogging. This is the dark face of Islam. I'm sure the Christian Crusaders were quite cruel but we live in the 21st Century now whereas human rights particularly of females are still being fought at the cost of their lives. Death of a Princess in Saudi for example. So Islam a religion of peace perplexes people when Islamic majority Countries treat their women do poorly instead of Queens. Having said that modern day Islamists do have the same level of freedom and choice or at least it seems until you notice some are shunned by their communities for "western practices". I learned two of my estranged nieces who married British born Pakistani muslims have or are converted to Islam recently and their sister not though married also to a Muslim. I can only conclude Muslim men are very charming but controlling on the whole. I have noticed I've stopped wearing low tops etc to please him well just because a woman wears a burkha for example doesn't make her more pious. I need to be true to myself. Zied says he respects my religion and a few years ago a friend of his married a Jewish Hungarian woman twice his age. They seem happy. Tunisia is more accepting of other religions. Your conversation was your own decision and whatever makes you feel safe and happy. Good luck. We have the right to choose to convert. Sadly most muslims don't. I dont understand why they burn down Churches including the one I was born in Islamic Countries when we have dozens of mosques here in UK. Seems that fuels religious hatred.
Only extremists burn down churches. Do not think that ordinary Muslims do. Thank goodness Iris has lost a lot of power in Syria. Extremists are not good in any religion even when considering women's views.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
Only extremists burn down churches. Do not think that ordinary Muslims do. Thank goodness Iris has lost a lot of power in Syria. Extremists are not good in any religion even when considering women's views.
I know that extremists as in terrorists do damage to European Countries but locals can sympathize. Christians are being persecuted, tortured and are not being protected by law right now.
 
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