Sand Castles, nothing was real.

Discussion in 'Online Rats' started by AmberHeart, Jul 31, 2018.

  1. Judithlyn

    Judithlyn Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2016
    Messages:
    2,140
    Likes Received:
    4,709
    I do agree! I remember that feeling of being “owned” “controlled”.....he guarded me 24/7! It was horrendous! I was always breathing a feeling of freedom every time we were forced to part at airports due to visas! It was like a breath of fresh air! He was stifling!!!!
     
    Brasilgirl and AmberHeart like this.
  2. Judithlyn

    Judithlyn Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2016
    Messages:
    2,140
    Likes Received:
    4,709
    Yes, I overlooked so many things, but no more! Once the ladies on here sent me PROOF, how could I mentally think good of him anymore? OMG, it was so shocking though! I stayed up an entire week screaming at him! I was devastated to my core! I believed in that asshole and loved him so deeply! Never again! I’m wiser now! I have fixed his butt so well! I giggle to myself cause I’m really not a nasty person but I fixed that moron! I just hope he tries to leave Tunisia...thanks to another lady’s generosity....I hope that I can hear the outcome of his travels (con games)!!!
     
    AmberHeart and Brasilgirl like this.
  3. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2016
    Messages:
    882
    Likes Received:
    3,015
    I remember when you posted about him on the wives group judith, some of us tried to tell you this was not a normal relationship and we directed you over to here.
    My only problem that the majority thought it was all ok. Your story was the one that led me to leave that particular group.
    That group is the most brainwashed i have ever been on
    Its disgusting and shocking
     
  4. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2015
    Messages:
    9,162
    Likes Received:
    27,059
    Ain't it crazy!!!! How on earth did they get so freakin brainwashed that they believe a thirty year age gap and the spending of feck knows how much money on an unemployed nothing is normal?!!

    When I read this stuff....I can really understand why my real life friend believes the breakdown of her bezness marriage is the breakdown of a normal marriage.....it drives me to absolute despair!
     
  5. Judithlyn

    Judithlyn Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2016
    Messages:
    2,140
    Likes Received:
    4,709
    I left that group too! I could tell that a lot of people in that group were married to or involved with rats. They did not want to see the truth! They were staunchly against anybody even slighting upsetting the Apple cart, so to speak! Yes, many seemed brainwashed! I was one for a long time! Glad to be free of all of that emotional baggage now!
     
  6. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2014
    Messages:
    3,231
    Likes Received:
    10,549
    Thanks for sharing this @AmberHeart , did I read right? Did you ever go and meet him or was it planned but didn’t happen?
     
    juicyfruit and AmberHeart like this.
  7. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,803
    Likes Received:
    7,036
    @AmberHeart , it's nice you get rid of this ratty story. :love:
    The rats hook vulnerable women in 99,99 % of the cases. Even when a woman is speaking about herself as a strong person ( you know all this " I am strong! I am clever"), there is always some weak spot she could not see or don't want to see. At the end of the day such experience helps to know personal value.
     
  8. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2009
    Messages:
    12,624
    Likes Received:
    37,869
    So his sister and brother in law are dead?
     
    Mystery likes this.
  9. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2018
    Messages:
    2,739
    Likes Received:
    9,047
    Yes, what for a normal empathic person all is about how you cope with life’s issues, for rats those are windows to get advantage from.
     
    Liona likes this.
  10. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2018
    Messages:
    2,739
    Likes Received:
    9,047
    No, he wanted his sis to be my responsibility and to live with us. He said his parents were willing to give permission due to a better life.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2018
    Mystery and Heidi like this.
  11. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2009
    Messages:
    12,624
    Likes Received:
    37,869
    :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: how old are the kids?
     
  12. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2018
    Messages:
    2,739
    Likes Received:
    9,047
    ..... old, . Yes I asked him are you sure about this? Laws about children are very strict. And even that way I couldn’t see it was an open scam to get easier life. All the poor us stories, you know how they suffer, they need food, they don’t have chances here.... and i didn’t open eyes. Was thinking like my nphs they need to be protected. That’s all.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2018
  13. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2018
    Messages:
    2,739
    Likes Received:
    9,047
    By the way, when the ex girlfriend warned me she told me this rat also asked her to take the sisters To live with her. :rolleyes:
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2018
    Mystery, Laura2014 and Heidi like this.
  14. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2015
    Messages:
    9,162
    Likes Received:
    27,059
    I think though, that being vulnerable is different to having a weak spot.
    My weak spot was my children....but I did not feel vulnerable....I did feel strong, I was adjusting to a new life and was happy, so although yes, I did have a weak spot, inasmuch as I would do whatever it takes to ensure my kids safety....I never saw it as a vulnerability....and I still don't, it's just parental instinct.
     
    AmberHeart likes this.
  15. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2015
    Messages:
    9,162
    Likes Received:
    27,059
    Yes, mine did too....but with threats :Evil:
    Aren't they absolutely vile! I really just don't know how to put into words, the anger this targeting our loved ones makes me feel :Evil:

    I had not been single since the age of fifteen, so I was really enjoying discovering this new world laid at my feet, I felt happy and peaceful....I wasn't looking for a man, I have always been incredibly sociable and friendly with everyone.....so me and you as targets, were completely different people....yet we still both became victims.
    Nobody is safe from these desperadoes :(
     
    Mystery and AmberHeart like this.
  16. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2018
    Messages:
    2,739
    Likes Received:
    9,047
    I agree, they look for a commodity and they find chances everywhere.
     
    Mystery and Mango Chutney like this.
  17. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2018
    Messages:
    1,174
    Likes Received:
    4,609
    The worst part about falling in love with these individuals is that they have such a high degree of narcissism or sociopath psychology, that they're unable to see empathically that they're exploiting others without remorse. They are solely plugged into their own survival, at any expense. They see themselves as entitled to do anything and get anything, at any expense. I do believe they feel emotion, but it's not in any way connected to OUR suffering -- if they had a high degree of empathy, they would NEVER be so completely self-serving and brutal to any woman, at all. They would never start a relationship under loose terms or terms that allow them to exploit, abuse, use, and leave their partner.

    It's like dealing with young children who have charming behavior, but otherwise lack a solid understanding of someone outside of their own story. It's only their story that matters, and every loss, fault, or flaw is not because of them, it's because of someone else. They never step into their partner's story to see the suffering, pain, and needs there to understand it. This behavior is cute when you're dealing with children, but when you're dealing with grown men, it's not only extremely dangerous and scary, but completely emotionally brutal for the "other" partner.

    The rats know they're doing it, too. There is just no incentive for them to become responsible for the damage they cause -- and it's supported by their social sphere -- in Tunisia with many, many men who see women (inside and outside of their country) as toys. It's also so frustrating that they can't connect together cause and effect, or learn, or really challenge this mentality. But, I still tried with my own rat... so many times, and in so many ways to get him to consider my side, to be responsible with behavior and speech, to think of the marriage under responsible terms, to be open to giving to me. Never worked. The only thing that really got him going was when he perceived that he was losing control over his "cake" and was running out of better options. It was so sad and hopeless.

    It's hard to accept that your rat is literally incapable of having responsibility for their own behavior; and seeing that relationships outside of their country are just an open plate for them to come and eat from -- and, that this is extremely abusive and wrong to any woman or man. They actually need to GIVE BACK to their partners - to provide and protect. If it wasn't for their complete lack of responsibility to begin with, they would be seeking marriage INSIDE of Tunisia exclusively, regardless of any obstacle financially, and not running from the societal expectations of marriage set by their own religion and culture. They're weak in love.

    Relationships with rats are always one-sided, selfish and damaging, and completely pointless and destructive to continue to associate with, at all; even for all of the rat's momentary tears, momentary sadness, and pain. It's all superficial and all for themselves. And, when they're done getting their needs met, financially and otherwise, they're gone. Scavengers, rats, etc. That's exactly how they behave.

    I'll never get over how beautiful and charming men can be on the surface, and how good they are at presenting themselves as having high integrity and being safe and responsible -- knowing very well that they're just putting on a good show. And, how terrible it is to see that mask fall off and realize that you fell in love with a fiction. But, life goes on :)
     
    magic, Arkady, MaterialGirl and 5 others like this.
  18. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2015
    Messages:
    9,162
    Likes Received:
    27,059
    I've often thought of them as young children. I used my training with autistic children to help me to deal with my rat, as they too live in their own little bubble with no empathy....without the ability to see the world through somebody else's lens.

    I often told my rat (before really researching narcissism in detail) that he reminded me in many ways of my autistic son, in terms of behaviour....the immaturity, the lack of empathy, the meltdowns etc.
    He later threw this back at me....asked if I was autistic because I'd started walking funny....it was actually because I had two verrucas on the bottom of my foot....but it showed clearly his ability to turn the tables....so suddenly I was the one at fault :rolleyes:
    These were all huge signs within that first plastic year....that I really should have paid more attention to....the signs were there all along.

    The difference between a narcissistic rat and an autistic lad....is the autistic lad does not know what he is doing, and goes on to feel remorse.....whereas with a narcissistic rat...he knows exactly what he is doing....the crime was pre meditated.....and he never feels remorse, because he refuses to accept responsibility....it's always the fault of others :rolleyes:
     
  19. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2018
    Messages:
    2,739
    Likes Received:
    9,047
    They even find justification like my rat said “God has been better to you than to me, you have been blessed more than me, but that’s ok, this is life” so he acted to achieve his goals solely. It can be even God’s fault. :rolleyes:
     
  20. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2015
    Messages:
    9,162
    Likes Received:
    27,059
    Ya, all the 'pity me, I have bad life, I am suffering because of my nationality, it's not fair. You are lucky, you have everything because you were born in the right country', blah, blah, blah, give me sympathy, pity me...my nationality is not my fault etc :rolleyes:
    Used to do my freakin nut in! I worked for what I have....it was not just handed to me because I am English :Evil: I got sick to death of those pathetic, pitiful tales of self woe :rolleyes:
    We had a video on here somewhere by 'The Minge' (named after the Chewbacca coat)....where he too says this crap :D
     
    Mystery, Heidi, Liona and 2 others like this.
  21. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2018
    Messages:
    2,739
    Likes Received:
    9,047
    Each word expressed it correctly as it is. No sugar coating, agree with you, the most important is life goes on for us too. We can and must do better. Big hug! Xx
     
  22. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2014
    Messages:
    3,231
    Likes Received:
    10,549
    Safe and responsible, yes I heard that a lot. When you come here “ I will care for you”. I will look after you” “ no reason to be afraid here” then left me alone for hours and days on end in a foreign country.
     
  23. Arkady

    Arkady Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2018
    Messages:
    418
    Likes Received:
    1,039
    Eye drops work too.
     
  24. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2018
    Messages:
    2,739
    Likes Received:
    9,047
    Funny thing is once we were speaking on the phone and he started a drama as usual and I couldn’t take it anymore and started crying, feeling impotence of all twisted things he was accusing me. And he inmediately said “ohhh, if you’re gonna cry then better to leave you alone. Don’t want to waste time on this” and he hung up and got lost for a week. But when he was supposedly to feel sad, depressed or worried. Sending pics or videos crying or suicide attempts I was supposed to be there 24hrs trying to cheer him up. They expect the victim to leave everything for them but they ain’t gonna waste their time. He gave me hell and humiliation. Tho I stayed having no reason for it, except the hope he would be again the person I knew at the beginning. I paid a big price for that worthless rat. Self esteem, sleep time, anxiety, stress, feeling trapped.
     
  25. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2018
    Messages:
    1,466
    Likes Received:
    5,252
    I think they are big spoiled babies that cry whenever they don’t get their way. Turning on the tears is second nature for them. My rat cried a few times. In my culture a grown man crying in front of a woman is a sign of weakness. And who wants a weak man? It’s different in some cases. Like grieving. But little things, any man with a backbone won’t cry to his girl. I can tell you that He didn’t get the expected response. I just ignored the crying because I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed. He only tried the crying a few times. The last time he cried he told me he was crying. He’s such a wimpy guy. Needs to find himself a big man to take care of him. He definatly does not have enough man in him to take care of a woman.
     

Share This Page