Sand Castles, nothing was real.

Mango Chutney

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My only problem that the majority thought it was all ok.
Ain't it crazy!!!! How on earth did they get so freakin brainwashed that they believe a thirty year age gap and the spending of feck knows how much money on an unemployed nothing is normal?!!

When I read this stuff....I can really understand why my real life friend believes the breakdown of her bezness marriage is the breakdown of a normal marriage.....it drives me to absolute despair!
 

Judithlyn

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I remember when you posted about him on the wives group judith, some of us tried to tell you this was not a normal relationship and we directed you over to here.
My only problem that the majority thought it was all ok. Your story was the one that led me to leave that particular group.
That group is the most brainwashed i have ever been on
Its disgusting and shocking
I left that group too! I could tell that a lot of people in that group were married to or involved with rats. They did not want to see the truth! They were staunchly against anybody even slighting upsetting the Apple cart, so to speak! Yes, many seemed brainwashed! I was one for a long time! Glad to be free of all of that emotional baggage now!
 

Laura2014

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I am member since three months ago, have gotten more confidence to reveal other details about my rat experience all over the site except here, like my original trip was to visit Star Wars locations in Tunisia as a prom gift for my teen nephews. It changed to a trip to just meet his family and stay at their home and my nephews were cut from the picture until the second time. The topic changed into a marriage oriented trip, to learn all requirements to own a home and a business. Also the everyday routine isn’t mentioned on my first post, I was being love bombed even during office hours, had to set always my phone Cam open for him to watch everything, even private time as showering. Wich I accepted his request under the “long distance” argument. We are too far etc so we have to stay closer the only way we can, I had also same close contact with his family and watching them randomly on their everyday duties. That made me not doubt of any of them. I made important changes to fit my life into the new one, tho I never leave unprotected my teens who practically are my sons. He asked me to put on sale my home in the city, therefore to look for other in Djerba. I didn’t, instead I fixed my papers to make my two nephews co owners of the house. I would check after two years when the rat accomplished at his late age a diploma and my two teens completed high school to take that step. Meanwhile I was willing to rent a place. And to open a small business. I already own a business wich enables me to earn money not needing to be in person at the office. Rent deposit goes directly to my account. I also didn’t mention the fact of belonging to a Diplomat family, was a bigger reason to be a target, not only my own achievements. My personality as an introvert was other weakness to be a target, eventually the abuse he was setting on me ended up in lack of confidence, low esteem, indeed I was accepting what at first were his request to not speak to anyone because of Islam, to I don’t want to speak to anyone because I feel odd. Over other threads I speak about my appearance as if I was too confident: I’m not, I’m forcing myself into not allowing anyone to discard me or hurt me because of looks or any other reason imposed by the rat. Writing these little facts help me to focus on healing and setting an objective perspective, and hope it helps others who are going trough similar situation. At the end of the day all rats follow same tactic.
Thanks for sharing this @AmberHeart , did I read right? Did you ever go and meet him or was it planned but didn’t happen?
 

Liona

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@AmberHeart , it's nice you get rid of this ratty story. :love:
The rats hook vulnerable women in 99,99 % of the cases. Even when a woman is speaking about herself as a strong person ( you know all this " I am strong! I am clever"), there is always some weak spot she could not see or don't want to see. At the end of the day such experience helps to know personal value.
 

AmberHeart

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@AmberHeart , it's nice you get rid of this ratty story. :love:
The rats hook vulnerable women in 99,99 % of the cases. Even when a woman is speaking about herself as a strong person ( you know all this " I am strong! I am clever"), there is always some weak spot she could not see or don't want to see. At the end of the day such experience helps to know personal value.
Yes, what for a normal empathic person all is about how you cope with life’s issues, for rats those are windows to get advantage from.
 

AmberHeart

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:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: how old are the kids?
..... old, . Yes I asked him are you sure about this? Laws about children are very strict. And even that way I couldn’t see it was an open scam to get easier life. All the poor us stories, you know how they suffer, they need food, they don’t have chances here.... and i didn’t open eyes. Was thinking they need to be protected. That’s all.
 
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Mango Chutney

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The rats hook vulnerable women in 99,99 % of the cases. Even when a woman is speaking about herself as a strong person ( you know all this " I am strong! I am clever"), there is always some weak spot she could not see or don't want to see.
I think though, that being vulnerable is different to having a weak spot.
My weak spot was my children....but I did not feel vulnerable....I did feel strong, I was adjusting to a new life and was happy, so although yes, I did have a weak spot, inasmuch as I would do whatever it takes to ensure my kids safety....I never saw it as a vulnerability....and I still don't, it's just parental instinct.
 

Mango Chutney

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As a weak spot would add my boys too and family. That’s where he attacked when blackmail.
Yes, mine did too....but with threats :Evil:
Aren't they absolutely vile! I really just don't know how to put into words, the anger this targeting our loved ones makes me feel :Evil:

I had not been single since the age of fifteen, so I was really enjoying discovering this new world laid at my feet, I felt happy and peaceful....I wasn't looking for a man, I have always been incredibly sociable and friendly with everyone.....so me and you as targets, were completely different people....yet we still both became victims.
Nobody is safe from these desperadoes :(
 

AmberHeart

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Yes, mine did too....but with threats :Evil:
Aren't they absolutely vile! I really just don't know how to put into words, the anger this targeting our loved ones makes me feel :Evil:

I had not been single since the age of fifteen, so I was really enjoying discovering this new world laid at my feet, I felt happy and peaceful....I wasn't looking for a man, I have always been incredibly sociable and friendly with everyone.....so me and you as targets, were completely different people....yet we still both became victims.
Nobody is safe from these desperadoes :(
I agree, they look for a commodity and they find chances everywhere.
 

Mango Chutney

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It's like dealing with young children who have charming behavior, but otherwise lack a solid understanding of someone outside of their own story.
I've often thought of them as young children. I used my training with autistic children to help me to deal with my rat, as they too live in their own little bubble with no empathy....without the ability to see the world through somebody else's lens.

I often told my rat (before really researching narcissism in detail) that he reminded me in many ways of my autistic son, in terms of behaviour....the immaturity, the lack of empathy, the meltdowns etc.
He later threw this back at me....asked if I was autistic because I'd started walking funny....it was actually because I had two verrucas on the bottom of my foot....but it showed clearly his ability to turn the tables....so suddenly I was the one at fault :rolleyes:
These were all huge signs within that first plastic year....that I really should have paid more attention to....the signs were there all along.

The difference between a narcissistic rat and an autistic lad....is the autistic lad does not know what he is doing, and goes on to feel remorse.....whereas with a narcissistic rat...he knows exactly what he is doing....the crime was pre meditated.....and he never feels remorse, because he refuses to accept responsibility....it's always the fault of others :rolleyes:
 

AmberHeart

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They even find justification like my rat said “God has been better to you than to me, you have been blessed more than me, but that’s ok, this is life” so he acted to achieve his goals solely. It can be even God’s fault. :rolleyes:
 

Mango Chutney

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They even find justification like my rat said “God has been better to you than to me, you have been blessed more than me, but that’s ok, this is life” so he acted to achieve his goals solely. It can be even God’s fault. :rolleyes:
Ya, all the 'pity me, I have bad life, I am suffering because of my nationality, it's not fair. You are lucky, you have everything because you were born in the right country', blah, blah, blah, give me sympathy, pity me...my nationality is not my fault etc :rolleyes:
Used to do my freakin nut in! I worked for what I have....it was not just handed to me because I am English :Evil: I got sick to death of those pathetic, pitiful tales of self woe :rolleyes:
We had a video on here somewhere by 'The Minge' (named after the Chewbacca coat)....where he too says this crap :D
 

AmberHeart

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I'll never get over how beautiful and charming men can be on the surface, and how good they are at presenting themselves as having high integrity and being safe and responsible -- knowing very well that they're just putting on a good show. And, how terrible it is to see that mask fall off and realize that you fell in love with a fiction. But, life goes on :)
Each word expressed it correctly as it is. No sugar coating, agree with you, the most important is life goes on for us too. We can and must do better. Big hug! Xx
 

Laura2014

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Each word expressed it correctly as it is. No sugar coating, agree with you, the most important is life goes on for us too. We can and must do better. Big hug! Xx
Safe and responsible, yes I heard that a lot. When you come here “ I will care for you”. I will look after you” “ no reason to be afraid here” then left me alone for hours and days on end in a foreign country.
 

Arkady

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Mine did it in front of me! The noise, omg....the noise!!! It was like insane wailing at a funeral! Sat on the floor with his arms round my lower legs, wailing, saying "sorry, sorry, sorry" ....tears and snot running down his face :sick: I used to be terrified in case it fell on my feet!
Honestly, I look back now at those Oscar performances....and I literally laugh :D
It's embarrassing how low these desperadoes with no pride will stoop for a visa :rolleyes:
How can they just produce tears at the drop of a hat? They can literally just make themselves cry on demand!
I put a post on here somewhere, whereby the rat confessed he ate a raw onion before a video call....to make his victim believe he was missing her or something...I can't remember now, but it's on the forum somewhere. Pathetic creatures :D
Eye drops work too.
 

AmberHeart

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Eye drops work too.
Funny thing is once we were speaking on the phone and he started a drama as usual and I couldn’t take it anymore and started crying, feeling impotence of all twisted things he was accusing me. And he inmediately said “ohhh, if you’re gonna cry then better to leave you alone. Don’t want to waste time on this” and he hung up and got lost for a week. But when he was supposedly to feel sad, depressed or worried. Sending pics or videos crying or suicide attempts I was supposed to be there 24hrs trying to cheer him up. They expect the victim to leave everything for them but they ain’t gonna waste their time. He gave me hell and humiliation. Tho I stayed having no reason for it, except the hope he would be again the person I knew at the beginning. I paid a big price for that worthless rat. Self esteem, sleep time, anxiety, stress, feeling trapped.
 

Brasilgirl

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Eye drops work too.
I think they are big spoiled babies that cry whenever they don’t get their way. Turning on the tears is second nature for them. My rat cried a few times. In my culture a grown man crying in front of a woman is a sign of weakness. And who wants a weak man? It’s different in some cases. Like grieving. But little things, any man with a backbone won’t cry to his girl. I can tell you that He didn’t get the expected response. I just ignored the crying because I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed. He only tried the crying a few times. The last time he cried he told me he was crying. He’s such a wimpy guy. Needs to find himself a big man to take care of him. He definatly does not have enough man in him to take care of a woman.
 

Epiphany

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Funny thing is once we were speaking on the phone and he started a drama as usual and I couldn’t take it anymore and started crying, feeling impotence of all twisted things he was accusing me. And he inmediately said “ohhh, if you’re gonna cry then better to leave you alone. Don’t want to waste time on this” and he hung up and got lost for a week. But when he was supposedly to feel sad, depressed or worried. Sending pics or videos crying or suicide attempts I was supposed to be there 24hrs trying to cheer him up. They expect the victim to leave everything for them but they ain’t gonna waste their time. He gave me hell and humiliation. Tho I stayed having no reason for it, except the hope he would be again the person I knew at the beginning. I paid a big price for that worthless rat. Self esteem, sleep time, anxiety, stress, feeling trapped.

I feel you, this is deranged behavior. I noticed that they like to bring the drama but can't handle confrontation (In other words dish it but can't take it). It's easier to slither away and hide like the cold snakes they are. Mine would do that too. I am the kind of person that is direct and blunt and if I am feeling a way about something believe me you will know it, and I don't think he was use to that. He too would disappear for days or a week in the hopes that I would forget about it and move on, but nope I brought it right back up again first chance I would get until I was satisfied. They count on us for our kindness but there isn't much that can happen if we are looking for emotional support from them, it's a one-way street with them
 

AmberHeart

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1C5B494B-4304-424F-9835-BA6FB3BBCD1E.jpeg Forgive and Forget, a successful formula. Done trying to figure out if he has successfully scammed someone else. Done focusing my energy into a worthless and egoist individual, done losing sleep, he doesn’t deserve that much from me and I do not deserve to become his shadow. Hope someday Justice knocks his door and all other rats that have caused pain to their victims.
Hope and wish all victims recover from the nightmare and find exclusively worthy people through their journey. ❤All of you are an inspiration. Xx
 

Mystery

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View attachment 53708 Forgive and Forget, a successful formula. Done trying to figure out if he has successfully scammed someone else. Done focusing my energy into a worthless and egoist individual, done losing sleep, he doesn’t deserve that much from me and I do not deserve to become his shadow. Hope someday Justice knocks his door and all other rats that have caused pain to their victims.
Hope and wish all victims recover from the nightmare and find exclusively worthy people through their journey. ❤All of you are an inspiration. Xx
Well done you, he messed up big time with you.
He could have been happy if he wasn't a loser.
The word loser to a muslim is a big insult
So he was the biggest LOSER.
Sending big ♥♥
 

AmberHeart

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Well done you, he messed up big time with you.
He could have been happy if he wasn't a loser.
The word loser to a muslim is a big insult
So he was the biggest LOSER.
Sending big ♥♥
❤ ❤ Sending more hugs back my dear friend. Can not be thankful enough for your friendship and understanding. You deserve the very best along with your children, may all doors open and have a peaceful life, blessings My Friend!!
 

Brasilgirl

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I think they are big spoiled babies that cry whenever they don’t get their way. Turning on the tears is second nature for them. My rat cried a few times. In my culture a grown man crying in front of a woman is a sign of weakness. And who wants a weak man? It’s different in some cases. Like grieving. But little things, any man with a backbone won’t cry to his girl. I can tell you that He didn’t get the expected response. I just ignored the crying because I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed. He only tried the crying a few times. The last time he cried he told me he was crying. He’s such a wimpy guy. Needs to find himself a big man to take care of him. He definatly does not have enough man in him to take care of a woman.
I guess he found his big man.
Having a photo of him and his new boi sent to me. :eek: It’s actually made me feel like a weight has lifted. I’m feeling so done with him. I don’t even feel the slightest bit of attraction or jealousy at this time. No missing him. It’s weird, but he just turned me right off with that photo. I can’t inagine anyone thinking he’d be a catch. I’m just done.
 
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