seven years of horror...

Discussion in 'Tunisian Love & Relationships' started by Daisy2510, Mar 30, 2014.

  1. Daisy2510

    Daisy2510 Member

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    Hi everybody!
    First: Sorry for my english, I am from Austria.
    I was married 7 years to a tunasian, now, 4 years after divorce, it seems to me like a nightmare. A long one. I met him here, he didn't has papers, so he pressed me to marry him. Me, 19 years old, not sure about myself, easy to manipulate was stupid and did it. So, 2 months after I met him, we married. The biggest mistake of my life. Don't tell me, I was stupid, I was, I know.
    He did al. He hit me, cheeded on me, he sold drugs (was in prison), he took a credit here to buy a house in tunisia, he never gave the money back, of course.
    What still makes me so angry is: WHY I waited 7 years to end? I lost my energy, I gave myself up, tryed to be enough and never was good enough in his eyes.
    So, my job was: Make him happy. This should be my biggest wish. My needs were not important, this is how many relations in Tunisia work.
    Now he has the austrian money, a tunesian virgin and plays the cool guy.
    Me personally think, he will go on, cheeding, playing, he never will change. Funny is, that he is official not alowed to com to europe fo 7 years, but he still comes here. How? No idea....
    After a very difficult divorce (He didn't want of course), it was difficult to find back to life again. I think, many women who suffer at a relation like this really have a psychotic shock, it isn't a normal break up. Because the men often know very well how to destroy the partner to make him addicted, to lose any sense of selfconfidence.
    I think, even if he was just a terrible partner for me, he was a love rat at the same moment. He had sex with a switzer girl (planning to go to switzerland), had a relation with a tunasian (I messaged with her, he didn't let her to go, told her to tell all to his brothers), had another relation here with an austrian girl. This is just what I know. But also he was f.... everything, what couldn't run away. I am still happy not not have any illness.
    I always asked myself, why he doesn't love me. Untill I understood, that they don't know what the european love is. Or they know and play with it.
    So, the result: Even if you are also young, if you are pretty, mabye if he really likes you, a relationship is SO hard. You have to give up neraly all. But if you do this, you loose yourself.
    If you have questions, ask.
    Many greeting
    Daisy
     
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  2. simple

    simple Well-Known Member

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    Hello Daisy ,,,nice to hear from you . .I can understand why it can take some women a long time to finally say ,,ive had enough ,no more ,,,In some abusive relationships ,the woman can become a shell ,empty ,accepting everything ..7 years of your life is a long time ,but congratulations for finding strength to finish ,,,,,You can start again and make a good life now ,i wish you well .
     
  3. CUDDLE

    CUDDLE Well-Known Member

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    Hello Daisy and welcome

    What you write is so very true.....

    The experience of marrying a bad Tunisian man leaves plenty of scars...

    Why you waited so long to divorce him..well we always live in hope that the man we love and marry is a decent man..sadly more often than not the Tunisan man is in reality , a cheat and a liar..He is a love rat extraordinaire..

    They are so good at the games they play we just can not understand the lengths they go to in order to reach their goals..We marry
    for love,..they marry for gain..

    You are out of his lair now...Never look back now...

    You are still young and most importantly you are FREE...

    He is just a Rat and he will live in his rat hole all his life,,,

    Look after yourself Daisy ..xx You deserve a life free from this abusive Rat ..
     
  4. Amber

    Amber oo la la ;)

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    Hi Daisy ,
    I 'm sorry for what you went through ...you were so young ...but i hope you will protect and respect yourself from now on after this nightmare.
    Please consider giving his name and details to moderators to protect potential other victims eventually.

    Best wishes for your rat free life !
     
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  5. zanylady

    zanylady Well-Known Member

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    Hello Daisy & Welcome.

    Please don't beat yourself up about the length of time it took you to draw a line under your relationship and call it a day.

    I was once in an extremely abusive relationship for far longer than I should have been even when I knew deep down that I was on a highway to nowhere. I was constantly being accused of some mis-demeanor or other and I would fight my corner to the death. When I finally came to my senses and realised that it is impossible to reason with an unreasonable person I just gave up trying and whatever I was accused of instead of pleading my innocence I just used to say " If that's what you think" for me that was a turning point and then I became the most powerful in the relationship as he didn't know where I was coming from snd and he couldn't take it any further. The thing is some men will never be happy and as I said to my ex "If I shit Gold Bricks you'd still be unhappy- so get on with it"
    All that aside you are now at a point to get your revenge and that is by moving on and enjoying a fulfilled and happy life.
    This is a new and exciting chapter in your life....Enjoy the journey.

    Wishing All the best. X
     
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  6. Alien

    Alien Well-Known Member

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    Hi Daisy,
    I'm sorry for what happened with you, and I'm sending you many hugs. You are so strong that finally you have been able to quit from this marriage.
    Don't blame yourself, you were so young, and they are masters in manipulation.
    Why you waited 7 years to divorce? Because you loved him. When we love someone we think that one time he will change. We think he will be the same man again with who we were in love, when we met him. They are professional in that thing how to make girls addicted to them.

    Please read Wallah's coping strategy, it will really help you to process and for healing.
    http://www.tunisianloverats.com/threads/possible-coping-stratagy.2521/

    Don't turn around, you are young, and you have many chance to find a decent Austrian man who will really love you and care you.

    Best wishes! xx
     
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  7. marilyna

    marilyna Chocolate Connoisseur

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    Hi Daisy,

    Welcome to TLR. Thank you for sharing your story. You stayed with him because you loved him as Alien pointed out, and deep down it sounds like you thought things would change too. I am sorry that you had to suffer so much abuse, and am sending you healing.
     
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  8. Daisy2510

    Daisy2510 Member

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    Hi,
    thanks for your answers. I think, I already have my life back. My past with that rat sometimes plays a role. For example: My boyfriend and me are totally equal at home, we both do all works. So, everytime, he cleans up, I don't see it as a normal thing, he appears like an angel to me. Because I heard 7 years that all the things at home are my job.
    A little fact about religion. A lot of the guys like to play the big believer, the good moslem. But also here, there is soooo much fake. My ex an me were on hajj in mekka. I was payed by an sausi arabian, normally only for me, but my ex pressed the mony giver to pay for him too (as I "needed" a protection there). So, during the stay, which should be the most important time in a life of a moslem, he was calling all the time his girlfriends, telling them how mch he loves them and what a bad women I am. I learned this later though women, who heard this from their husbands (sharing the room with my ex). How stupid? What a character???

    And by the way: He was sooo simple at his thinking about hiding. He had photos of some girls on his phon (I found it - noooo it is my cousin). He recorded himself while having telefone sex, he forgot a condom in my (MY) car. And and and. And: ALWAYS good explanations, why this happende. He is a great manipulator.
    He was so good, that I didn't belive in the end my own eyes and ears. This was the worst part for me. I couldn't trust myself anymore, because somebody tells all the time to you, that you are crazy, he is soooo good.

    Puh... just came up now. Sorry

    I was thinking of putting him here. But: I have no more relation to him and I don't want. But I am sure, I will have it, if somebody find out, he is here. He knows, where I live, he can be dangerous, if he freaks out. So I don't feel save. I can tell, his name is Bilel R. and he is from Tunis. If somebody has more questions, through mail please.
    Many greetings
    daisy
     
  9. MissMetal

    MissMetal Well-Known Member

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    He's a sad piece of crap! Clearly not worth any womens time. Im so glad to hear that you got out of that. Love is truly blind...you were in love and he was not. Thats why you never believed your own ears and eyes.

    Well, try not to bring any of your bad history into your new relationship. Its great that you are treated as an equal in your relationship. That is how it should be.

    Im not a muslim, but I do know how important the hajj is for muslims and you were very privileged to get to do it. I do hope that you will have the opportunity to go again when and its a more positive experience for you.
     
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  10. Daisy2510

    Daisy2510 Member

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    Hello,
    thanks, but hajj is not important for me anymore. I converted to islam one year after the marraige. It seemed to me the right religion in this time, it was simple, showed a clear life. But this was in the beginning, with the years I found out, that also in this religion there are a lot of "grey" parts, not only black and white. Also I had a problem with a lot of rules that weren't logic or that things, where you mind or heart says, it is correct, islam says no.
    In the beginning, the religion was a thing, which made us equal. We were from different countries, but had the same religon as the center of our relation and this seemed to me to make me eqal. Ha ha ha
    Half a year after I finally could put him out of my life, I started to reorganize my life, to think and to plan new ways. And Islam didn't play any more role in this plans, because they were made by me and judged by me. I NEVER want again sombody or somthing else "creating" my life, telling what to do. I have a big need of freedom, that I only can define on my own. I don't bother anyone, but I don't let anyone to tell me what is right or wrong. I understand this on my own, by listening to my heart, beliving again what I see, hear and feel. :)
    Have a nice day!
    Many greetings
    Daisy
     
  11. ExNorway

    ExNorway Well-Known Member

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    So so much congratulations to you Daisy getting were you are and still just young and vaccinated for life against rats!
    I wrote you a long post earlier that disappered unfortunay but the other gierls or you your self have said most of the things I wanted to say - read wallah and add to the list post positive rat experiences !
    Thinking for your self and sharing house work.

    Being manipulated as long as you did and getting out of it makes you a 5 star women, non of the crap he said was true, simply he was going about his game not knowing what " love " is.
    But trusting your instincts and yourself again will take some time.

    He is a similar to my x in many parts and my head was twisted and turned, but know I am so happily free.
    All the best !
    xxx
     
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  12. crystal

    crystal The Punchy Scot

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    Great post Daisy... by posting this you have done a lot of good...without actually knowing it.. Many women compromise to make there marriage work or think that it will help to make the marriage work.. Changing religion for a Western women is huge and should not be taken lightly as you clearly pointed out by your point of view. it is admirable that you were committed to your marriage enough to do this to try and make your marriage work. You soon realized that it was not for you Islam.. and brave of you to admit it was a mistake and take control of your life and be free enough to make your own decisions.. this shows a strength of character.. i took went along the islam route and as much as i read the Quoran I quickly realized that no Islam would not be for me.. and did not convert.. I was married for me and my religion not to be changed in my thinking and ways.. Most Tunisian men as much as they stray from there religion when it suits them, they will always go back to it and expect there wives to convert.. this is my opinion there wives will always be Tunisian and follow Islam.. Marriage and Islam are one and the same and should be recognized that mostly all Arabic men feel this way..
     
  13. simple

    simple Well-Known Member

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    They never contemplate changing religion ,for their wives >Everything is so onesided .Most dont respect other religions ,they woudlnt see the importance of allowing his wife to go to church every sunday .
     
  14. Fern

    Fern Well-Known Member

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    Hi Daisy, how wonderful that you've gone through all this shit and come out wiser and stronger. And all at such a young age. Admiration and respect to you. Keep on enjoying, you're amazing! xxx
     
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  15. CUDDLE

    CUDDLE Well-Known Member

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    Most of them are very disrespectful to other religions ...mine would NOT acknowledge that a christian believes that Jesus died on the cross..or that we believe that Jesus is God's son...
     
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  16. simple

    simple Well-Known Member

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    They are quite ignorant to other religions ,,,I heard one say ,that Jesus has to be a bad man ,because he drinks alcohol !!!
     
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  17. Caramel

    Caramel Clairvoyante !!

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    Daisy, glad you are now finding happiness after those terrible stressful 7 years. Fortunately, you are young and can rebuild your life. Glad you are moving on. Good luck.
     
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  18. Daisy2510

    Daisy2510 Member

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    Hi everybody,
    thank you very much for your responses. I go on, I love my life, I enjoy it. :)
    This time is a part of my past, it made me to the person who I am now. I think the worst thing that can happen is, if other people (or a religion) control your life, this is what happen in a lot of these relations. It starts with small things, that are easy to deny to yourself. Like "Don't go out". Oh... he say this only because he loves me. Noe, he says this, because he wants to control.
    Through all those years he made it very clever to loose my friends who were critical at him. He always was claiming, everybody is against us. What a fucked up Romeo... But in the end I was close to die inside, mybe he was the horror version of Romeo...
    About religion, at the first christmas here, he thought my parents are praying to the christmas tree. Oh yes... those kefr... Ha ha ha, how stupid.
    Education is missing at too many of those man, they know it, that their victims are mostly on a higher standard of knowledge. But they also know how to cover ist, a lot of time with religious "knowledge". but you never should try to ask. If you ask, critiseze and he has know answer, it is HARAM for him and finish.
    Discussions: You always loose. Even if he had sex with somebody else. it is your fault. Because you weren't a good women. Clear.
    Sometimes I see people in relations like I was in. I want to scream: Nooooo, don't do this. But they mabye need the same time, I needed, or they never get out. I think, you have to understand on your own, what is going wrong and then take the last energy you have to do something, to get out.
    Many greetings
    Daisy
     
  19. simple

    simple Well-Known Member

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    The control ,gives them the power ,The verbal abuses ,takes away our confidence ..When a woman fights back ,they become useless and weak .Heres to your new life ,may you continue to be happy xxxx
     
  20. Eddie

    Eddie Well-Known Member

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    Well done you. Daisy2510 you are living proof "WHAT DOESN'T KILL US MAKES US STRONGER" xxx
     
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  21. marilyna

    marilyna Chocolate Connoisseur

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    Daisy,

    He probably believed you would not survive without him, and it is probably killing him that you are. The power goes to their heads.
     
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  22. lonelygirl

    lonelygirl Active Member

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    I feel u..i reallt do..and ur right..becos im in that stage of shock right now. X
     
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  23. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Wow, this Daisy describes things so well....and she was so young! Wish this thread had been longer!
     
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  24. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Hello, what are you doing today, Daisy :)

     
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