Christmas can be a lovely time to reconnect with family and friends but it can also be a horrible time when losses are felt so much more. My dad died when I was young and Christmas changed from then. Always someone missing from the table and with it an added responsibility to look after my mum and somehow fill the gap for her. I think losing a mum is different. They often hold the family together. I’m really sorry for your loss. Men find it harder to be alone and often fill the loss more quickly. Maybe he feels a mixture of guilt and regret and spending Christmas with you is a reminder of that. In my opinion, men compartmentalise their feelings and move on easier. They are avoidant of emotions which hurt. When I was first alone kind friends invited me at Christmas but to be honest I didn’t like being a visitor at someone else’s Christmas. Each family had their own different way of celebrating and I felt like a spare part. I’ve chosen to spend many christmases alone, preferring New Year. I have a few other single friends and we have made our own Christmas traditions and I’m more comfortable with that. You are young and lovely and will soon have your own family and you can make Christmas traditions of your own. In time you will meet the person you can do that with.