Something completely different

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Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
But he has a massive chopper :)
Who knows where he is? He may have made it out of Tunisia. I went back to her post and I saw the guy had the nerve to ask her for money to do his passport (and lied about the cost of it) The poor lady was sponsoring him.
He’s in Tunisia. I just returned on 31st March on a British Embassy Commercial rescue flight at a reasonable price as my airline cancelled. So our marriage plans on hold. I was 2 weeks in a hotel then his family took me in as we had nowhere to go with the hotel closing on my 3 week visit. It was scary with military curfew. But at least I got to see that he left me too much with his nice sisters so I will not live there as he changed in his home town n preferred to talk with everybody else more than me. Last time I visited the family home 4 days when we met for 2nd time in 2017 and it was a nicer visit but sadly their sweet mother passed last year n the siblings have to take care of themselves. Also despite the big house (14+ rooms)no adequate heating as lots of remodelling to be done. And we argued about money because I felt like a paying guest! He insisted it was just our expenses but I’m not that naive. I can’t fault the sisters hospitality and they gave me new clothes but I returned them as I won’t be wearing traditional clothes in U.K. They wouldn’t let me wash up or help in any way. I felt sad their lives revolves around looking after 6 out of 7 brothers. However they seemed happier then people in the West. It made me grateful for our freedom. I return to this site to remind me about the ladies who have been taken advantage of. He changed the game plan and wanted us to build a house next to his brothers! No blooming way. It’s not by the sea and besides that I don’t want to live in a Town Country where women stay in the house mainly! Like prisoners! Nothing like Tourist areas. And infrastructure so rural. Glad to be home. I don’t know when we will be together again with Lockdown at airports but see it as as a test of loyalty. We’ve been together on hols over 3 years but I saw a different side of him. He’s not so modern as I thought. England should open his eyes. He’s not a drinker, smoker, clubber and not much opportunity to bed the locals without marriage so he’s in no moral danger for now. He regrets his previous limited encounters when he was 22. He can count them on one hand. Just his attitude to European women as geese that lay golden eggs so as to speak and apparently mine weren’t big enough like the Germans or Swiss before (car gifts) but now he’s stopped comparisons. I’m mainly to blame for spoiling him every time we meet it’s like Christmas. I also learnt they share everything! Which peeved me. He denied it but I demanded to see my previous gifts of which he said were stored away. Maybe they’re right to do this but as an only daughter with bros I’m not used to it. He realises I’m not made of money and says he loves me. We will see. He obviously displayed some rat behaviour n occasionally still does in that he feels entitled but I’m hoping he changes. I do confront him on issues and I watch this forum for red flag stories. Though I admit I’ve ignored some signs in the beginning but Rose tints are off now. Lockdown gives me time to think rationally without the physical side of things.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
He’s in Tunisia. I just returned on 31st March on a British Embassy Commercial rescue flight at a reasonable price as my airline cancelled. So our marriage plans on hold. I was 2 weeks in a hotel then his family took me in as we had nowhere to go with the hotel closing on my 3 week visit. It was scary with military curfew. But at least I got to see that he left me too much with his nice sisters so I will not live there as he changed in his home town n preferred to talk with everybody else more than me. Last time I visited the family home 4 days when we met for 2nd time in 2017 and it was a nicer visit but sadly their sweet mother passed last year n the siblings have to take care of themselves. Also despite the big house (14+ rooms)no adequate heating as lots of remodelling to be done. And we argued about money because I felt like a paying guest! He insisted it was just our expenses but I’m not that naive. I can’t fault the sisters hospitality and they gave me new clothes but I returned them as I won’t be wearing traditional clothes in U.K. They wouldn’t let me wash up or help in any way. I felt sad their lives revolves around looking after 6 out of 7 brothers. However they seemed happier then people in the West. It made me grateful for our freedom. I return to this site to remind me about the ladies who have been taken advantage of. He changed the game plan and wanted us to build a house next to his brothers! No blooming way. It’s not by the sea and besides that I don’t want to live in a Town Country where women stay in the house mainly! Like prisoners! Nothing like Tourist areas. And infrastructure so rural. Glad to be home. I don’t know when we will be together again with Lockdown at airports but see it as as a test of loyalty. We’ve been together on hols over 3 years but I saw a different side of him. He’s not so modern as I thought. England should open his eyes. He’s not a drinker, smoker, clubber and not much opportunity to bed the locals without marriage so he’s in no moral danger for now. He regrets his previous limited encounters when he was 22. He can count them on one hand. Just his attitude to European women as geese that lay golden eggs so as to speak and apparently mine weren’t big enough like the Germans or Swiss before (car gifts) but now he’s stopped comparisons. I’m mainly to blame for spoiling him every time we meet it’s like Christmas. I also learnt they share everything! Which peeved me. He denied it but I demanded to see my previous gifts of which he said were stored away. Maybe they’re right to do this but as an only daughter with bros I’m not used to it. He realises I’m not made of money and says he loves me. We will see. He obviously displayed some rat behaviour n occasionally still does in that he feels entitled but I’m hoping he changes. I do confront him on issues and I watch this forum for red flag stories. Though I admit I’ve ignored some signs in the beginning but Rose tints are off now. Lockdown gives me time to think rationally without the physical side of things. I’ve added my experience so far.
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
He’s in Tunisia. I just returned on 31st March on a British Embassy Commercial rescue flight at a reasonable price as my airline cancelled. So our marriage plans on hold. I was 2 weeks in a hotel then his family took me in as we had nowhere to go with the hotel closing on my 3 week visit. It was scary with military curfew. But at least I got to see that he left me too much with his nice sisters so I will not live there as he changed in his home town n preferred to talk with everybody else more than me. Last time I visited the family home 4 days when we met for 2nd time in 2017 and it was a nicer visit but sadly their sweet mother passed last year n the siblings have to take care of themselves. Also despite the big house (14+ rooms)no adequate heating as lots of remodelling to be done. And we argued about money because I felt like a paying guest! He insisted it was just our expenses but I’m not that naive. I can’t fault the sisters hospitality and they gave me new clothes but I returned them as I won’t be wearing traditional clothes in U.K. They wouldn’t let me wash up or help in any way. I felt sad their lives revolves around looking after 6 out of 7 brothers. However they seemed happier then people in the West. It made me grateful for our freedom. I return to this site to remind me about the ladies who have been taken advantage of. He changed the game plan and wanted us to build a house next to his brothers! No blooming way. It’s not by the sea and besides that I don’t want to live in a Town Country where women stay in the house mainly! Like prisoners! Nothing like Tourist areas. And infrastructure so rural. Glad to be home. I don’t know when we will be together again with Lockdown at airports but see it as as a test of loyalty. We’ve been together on hols over 3 years but I saw a different side of him. He’s not so modern as I thought. England should open his eyes. He’s not a drinker, smoker, clubber and not much opportunity to bed the locals without marriage so he’s in no moral danger for now. He regrets his previous limited encounters when he was 22. He can count them on one hand. Just his attitude to European women as geese that lay golden eggs so as to speak and apparently mine weren’t big enough like the Germans or Swiss before (car gifts) but now he’s stopped comparisons. I’m mainly to blame for spoiling him every time we meet it’s like Christmas. I also learnt they share everything! Which peeved me. He denied it but I demanded to see my previous gifts of which he said were stored away. Maybe they’re right to do this but as an only daughter with bros I’m not used to it. He realises I’m not made of money and says he loves me. We will see. He obviously displayed some rat behaviour n occasionally still does in that he feels entitled but I’m hoping he changes. I do confront him on issues and I watch this forum for red flag stories. Though I admit I’ve ignored some signs in the beginning but Rose tints are off now. Lockdown gives me time to think rationally without the physical side of things.
Dear Pussycatz, thank you for the update. I wish I could be happy for you and I wish you could hear our warnings. It doesn’t please us to tell you that you are being used. He already showed you the kind of person he is but you still find him excuses. This man is trouble. A good Muslim man, or any man for that matter, wouldn’t expect a woman to pay things for him. You say that you don’t have a lot of money but it doesn’t matter to him : you represent to him a ticket for getting out of his country and of his crappy situation. His relatives most likely know his intentions and they are hypocrites. Don’t get fooled by their kindness to you. I’m sorry to tell you that as you already got an earful from several of us back several months ago and it’s not pleasant to hear. Trust us when we tell you that he’s using us and he’ll leave you as soon as he gets his visa to stay in the UK. It’s not a matter of if but when. Anyway, despite of all the red flags, you still intent to marry him and you’ll have to find out the hard way. I really wish you could see the reality of things and be rational, Pussycatz.
 

Croydon girl

Major Ratslayer
Dear Pussycatz, thank you for the update. I wish I could be happy for you and I wish you could hear our warnings. It doesn’t please us to tell you that you are being used. He already showed you the kind of person he is but you still find him excuses. This man is trouble. A good Muslim man, or any man for that matter, wouldn’t expect a woman to pay things for him. You say that you don’t have a lot of money but it doesn’t matter to him : you represent to him a ticket for getting out of his country and of his crappy situation. His relatives most likely know his intentions and they are hypocrites. Don’t get fooled by their kindness to you. I’m sorry to tell you that as you already got an earful from several of us back several months ago and it’s not pleasant to hear. Trust us when we tell you that he’s using us and he’ll leave you as soon as he gets his visa to stay in the UK. It’s not a matter of if but when. Anyway, despite of all the red flags, you still intent to marry him and you’ll have to find out the hard way. I really wish you could see the reality of things and be rational, Pussycatz.
He will never get a visa to the uk! Judithlyn please talk to this lady!
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
He’s in Tunisia. I just returned on 31st March on a British Embassy Commercial rescue flight at a reasonable price as my airline cancelled. So our marriage plans on hold. I was 2 weeks in a hotel then his family took me in as we had nowhere to go with the hotel closing on my 3 week visit. It was scary with military curfew. But at least I got to see that he left me too much with his nice sisters so I will not live there as he changed in his home town n preferred to talk with everybody else more than me. Last time I visited the family home 4 days when we met for 2nd time in 2017 and it was a nicer visit but sadly their sweet mother passed last year n the siblings have to take care of themselves. Also despite the big house (14+ rooms)no adequate heating as lots of remodelling to be done. And we argued about money because I felt like a paying guest! He insisted it was just our expenses but I’m not that naive. I can’t fault the sisters hospitality and they gave me new clothes but I returned them as I won’t be wearing traditional clothes in U.K. They wouldn’t let me wash up or help in any way. I felt sad their lives revolves around looking after 6 out of 7 brothers. However they seemed happier then people in the West. It made me grateful for our freedom. I return to this site to remind me about the ladies who have been taken advantage of. He changed the game plan and wanted us to build a house next to his brothers! No blooming way. It’s not by the sea and besides that I don’t want to live in a Town Country where women stay in the house mainly! Like prisoners! Nothing like Tourist areas. And infrastructure so rural. Glad to be home. I don’t know when we will be together again with Lockdown at airports but see it as as a test of loyalty. We’ve been together on hols over 3 years but I saw a different side of him. He’s not so modern as I thought. England should open his eyes. He’s not a drinker, smoker, clubber and not much opportunity to bed the locals without marriage so he’s in no moral danger for now. He regrets his previous limited encounters when he was 22. He can count them on one hand. Just his attitude to European women as geese that lay golden eggs so as to speak and apparently mine weren’t big enough like the Germans or Swiss before (car gifts) but now he’s stopped comparisons. I’m mainly to blame for spoiling him every time we meet it’s like Christmas. I also learnt they share everything! Which peeved me. He denied it but I demanded to see my previous gifts of which he said were stored away. Maybe they’re right to do this but as an only daughter with bros I’m not used to it. He realises I’m not made of money and says he loves me. We will see. He obviously displayed some rat behaviour n occasionally still does in that he feels entitled but I’m hoping he changes. I do confront him on issues and I watch this forum for red flag stories. Though I admit I’ve ignored some signs in the beginning but Rose tints are off now. Lockdown gives me time to think rationally without the physical side of things.
I feel sorry that he left you alone with his sisters etc preferring to be elsewhere and that must have really hurt your feelings, that's one week of out 52, just imagine how he would be when 'the honeymoon' period actually wore off?

You could be alone in a country with not only its own language, its own slang not understanding anything. Also, arguing about money as a guest for ONE WEEK, that says EVERYTHING. Please move on, keep those rose tinted glasses in their case (do not remove) .....he will never change for the better I am 100% certain.
Can you imagine going to stay with a girlfriend for a week in a similar circumstance i.e. being stranded, I suspect your GF would feed, entertain and cater to your every need and it would be hard to make them allow you to do a grocery shop etc...guests are guests for me & mine at least...guests dont pay ( especially those in dire need ).
Please take care and make wise decisions, he needs binning!
 

Myriam1

Major Ratslayer
All is said...living with you in England would be exactly the same thing, he would very soon be visiting his tunisian mates there as well, would be living out of your pocket, you would replace the serving sisters...this man is BAD NEWS to you or any other woman!
Please open your eyes, keep the rose tinted glasses off!
His "love" for you would quickly go away as soon as your money would be gone. Even before, as soon as he would have the papers to stay in your homecountry!
Big Dick or not...nobody deserves what he is planning with you!
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
All is said...living with you in England would be exactly the same thing, he would very soon be visiting his tunisian mates there as well, would be living out of your pocket, you would replace the serving sisters...this man is BAD NEWS to you or any other woman!
Please open your eyes, keep the rose tinted glasses off!
His "love" for you would quickly go away as soon as your money would be gone. Even before, as soon as he would have the papers to stay in your homecountry!
Big Dong or not...nobody deserves what he is planning with you!
When I made the big chopper comment it was meant as a joke as every one on here keeps referring to tiny ones and everyone can't be wrong lol. I heard that visas WONT be passed if there is a significant age gap ( from a lady married over there ) so their gap of 34 years seems highly unlikely, pity theres no one in London who gives her the same thrill and doesnt have a long pink tail x
 

Croydon girl

Major Ratslayer
When I made the big chopper comment it was meant as a joke as every one on here keeps referring to tiny ones and everyone can't be wrong lol. I heard that visas WONT be passed if there is a significant age gap ( from a lady married over there ) so their gap of 34 years seems highly unlikely, pity theres no one in London who gives her the same thrill and doesnt have a long pink tail x
You are quite right Tigerpants! There's no way he will get a visa to UK! The government are are very strict in giving visas now!
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
You are quite right Tigerpants! There's no way he will get a visa to UK! The government are are very strict in giving visas now!
Dear Pussycatz, thank you for the update. I wish I could be happy for you and I wish you could hear our warnings. It doesn’t please us to tell you that you are being used. He already showed you the kind of person he is but you still find him excuses. This man is trouble. A good Muslim man, or any man for that matter, wouldn’t expect a woman to pay things for him. You say that you don’t have a lot of money but it doesn’t matter to him : you represent to him a ticket for getting out of his country and of his crappy situation. His relatives most likely know his intentions and they are hypocrites. Don’t get fooled by their kindness to you. I’m sorry to tell you that as you already got an earful from several of us back several months ago and it’s not pleasant to hear. Trust us when we tell you that he’s using us and he’ll leave you as soon as he gets his visa to stay in the UK. It’s not a matter of if but when. Anyway, despite of all the red flags, you still intent to marry him and you’ll have to find out the hard way. I really wish you could see the reality of things and be rational, Pussycatz.
Hi Southern girl. I know most people on here mean well. I read the comments, stories, advice and see Words of wisdom, some born out of personal experience or trend. However I know you understand when feelings are involved it’s words that may ring true or help set boundaries but that love has a will of its own. When I say I don’t have a lot of money, I’m comparing it to the lifestyle I lost with my ex husband. I forfeit ancillary relief if I remarry but that’s ok because I chased it long enough to realise it may cost me my life. My ex was a senior Financial Consultant and trader and he hid the assets from me in Zurich. I can’t afford big lawyers to find them. However I am reasonably comfortable. Self supporting. I can improve Zied’s standard of living also as his sponsor and Fiancé. His intentions are to work and support me though I am independent. As for good Muslim or any man not expecting a woman to pay for him, it depends on circumstances. We live in days of equality. Even in the 50’s my parents day both worked to bring up 4 kids. I have no children as the pill worked wonders as I wanted to travel when younger and hadn’t found the right daddy material. I would love a child with Zied but not possible and he’s not into surrogacy. I know these lover rats expect easy money and have no intentions of staying with the ladies but how does anyone know for sure unless they go the course. Not looking for sympathy if things go wrong but clues as to the road ahead. I honestly believe a rat in his early stages can reform. I have confronted him about previous behaviour and he came briefly on here as Zizou and was blocked. He has no idea I’ve returned as he forbade me. My friends know I can not be controlled. I just wanted to stay abreast of the tricks n tips as forewarned is forearmed. I think you know it’s impossible to throw away a person you love more than money. The problem is me not him. I need to work on saying no to hints n “needs”. He won’t leave me he says it’s not about the money. I’m angry of course at my own stupidity because people treat you as you allow them to. I forgive him growing up with his peer group’s mentality towards Europeans, but he has to pull his weight in future when given opportunity. He will but he hasn’t learnt gratitude. I’m not the sweet old naive lady. More grumpy. Nagging. Feel sorry he puts up with me. He always makes me smile when I’m down which is most days. Especially in isolation. Time to reflect on change.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
You are quite right Tigerpants! There's no way he will get a visa to UK! The government are are very strict in giving visas now!
Where there’s a will there’s a way. You are right without Lawyers it’s useless. Everything on Lockdown for now. We have the right criteria, just need offices to reopen. Meanwhile survival in these sad times is a World priority.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
You are quite right Tigerpants! There's no way he will get a visa to UK! The government are are very strict in giving visas now!
Never heard of the expression big chopper except through Tigeroants. That is not a criteria for me in a partner. London has the most singles if you ask me. One night stands, boozy, drugs, party people. Not all but quite the nightlife scene. In fact the older singles have so much baggage it’s easier to take a plane and be romanced in an exotic location. Well palm trees seem that. Most women who have been involved with a Tunisian will attest to their old worldly charm.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
All is said...living with you in England would be exactly the same thing, he would very soon be visiting his tunisian mates there as well, would be living out of your pocket, you would replace the serving sisters...this man is BAD NEWS to you or any other woman!
Please open your eyes, keep the rose tinted glasses off!
His "love" for you would quickly go away as soon as your money would be gone. Even before, as soon as he would have the papers to stay in your homecountry!
Big Dong or not...nobody deserves what he is planning with you!
Good advice. Thank you. I will not tolerate him going off for hours in my home ground. He will have to cook as well. He says he will. As I can’t make Tunisian food. Cleaning up too I’m going to instill good habits. My cousin (a while back) had his mum do everything but when he found a girlfriend he learnt fast. He’s a good cook now n neat n tidy. Men can change. So long as he loves me I’m sure that’s the main criteria. Other things can be worked out.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
I feel sorry that he left you alone with his sisters etc preferring to be elsewhere and that must have really hurt your feelings, that's one week of out 52, just imagine how he would be when 'the honeymoon' period actually wore off?

You could be alone in a country with not only its own language, its own slang not understanding anything. Also, arguing about money as a guest for ONE WEEK, that says EVERYTHING. Please move on, keep those rose tinted glasses in their case (do not remove) .....he will never change for the better I am 100% certain.
Can you imagine going to stay with a girlfriend for a week in a similar circumstance i.e. being stranded, I suspect your GF would feed, entertain and cater to your every need and it would be hard to make them allow you to do a grocery shop etc...guests are guests for me & mine at least...guests dont pay ( especially those in dire need ).
Please take care and make wise decisions, he needs binning!
I agree with everything you say here except he needs binning. The word is reforming. As a Christian I see the best in people. Forgiveness n change. The latter begins with the self. I’ve got to stop being an easy touch. Mainly through fear of losing him. But I have to test him love or money sooner than later. The Lockdown is that time.
 

Myriam1

Major Ratslayer
Oh Pussycatz...you are indeed the perfect victim for the rat! Please understand that his world and intentions are so far away from the views you have on the world, humans and kindness! I feel so so sorry for you, as the downfall will be harsh one day and let's hope you will be able to get over it.
Don't let your happines depend on this rat, be strong and love yourself, because that's the only love you're going to get!
You Don't have children...this is one Lucky bloody rat!
Please protect yourself by all means!
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
I agree with everything you say here except he needs binning. The word is reforming. As a Christian I see the best in people. Forgiveness n change. The latter begins with the self. I’ve got to stop being an easy touch. Mainly through fear of losing him. But I have to test him love or money sooner than later. The Lockdown is that time.
You see forgiveness, change and salvation and good on you....However he sees London,UK, your money, your house and the opportunity to take it all.
Rats dont see the best in people, they see a doorway to their future net worth.He wont get a UK visa, it simply wont happen, please please safeguard!
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
You see forgiveness, change and salvation and good on you....However he sees London,UK, your money, your house and the opportunity to take it all.
Rats dont see the best in people, they see a doorway to their future net worth.He wont get a UK visa, it simply wont happen, please please safeguard!
And I haven't told my story on here yet as its not exciting enough, I was far too shrewd to play the rat game and was highly suspicious at the off so almost became the cat in the cat and mouse game after reading TLR.
Week 2 of knowing him, he saw my birth control tablets in my bag, asked what they were, when I told him, the first thing he said was that I should stop and we should make a baby.
I however burst out laughing which loosely translated to F off :rolleyes:
 

Jane

Major Ratslayer
Good advice. Thank you. I will not tolerate him going off for hours in my home ground. He will have to cook as well. He says he will. As I can’t make Tunisian food. Cleaning up too I’m going to instill good habits. My cousin (a while back) had his mum do everything but when he found a girlfriend he learnt fast. He’s a good cook now n neat n tidy. Men can change. So long as he loves me I’m sure that’s the main criteria. Other things can be worked out.
You have such good intentions and it’s good he makes you smile and be happy but I find it sad that at the age of 62 you haven’t learnt the wisdom that NOONE can make you happy apart from yourself . The painful thing is that the happiness is 1 sided and he is no doubt mocking you behind your back which , when you discover it , will be extremely hard .

I fear the pain when ( not if) you’re betrayed by this scammer will be extra hard for you as you appear very isolated in Terms of family.

listen to everyone here and prepare yourself now
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
Oh Pussycatz, Pussycatz, where have you been? I want to tell you very respectfully that you are living out of the realities of this world and I wasn’t trying to be funny. You must think we’re pessimistic and cynical when we tell you that you see the world much nicer than it is and that’s why you won’t listen.
Truth is you refuse to see what he’s really into and you find him every excuse in the book for all his flaws and his bad actions. You do recognize a few things you don’t like but you overlook them because anyway he loves you and he makes you smile when you’re down so all is good. Pussycatz, from what you describe, the man is treating very poorly and your low self esteem keeps you from seeing it. Stop putting yourself down. You say that you feel sorry for him for putting up with you. How is he putting up with you? You give him gifts and you’re going to provide him a better life. You are gold to him and as some ladies said, you are the perfect victim. You put up with his crap, you are generous, independent financially, you are extremely naive m, you wear your heart to your sleeve and yes, you don’t have children to get in his way and protect you. You better believe that if you had adult children that would do anything to stop him and would try to bring you to your senses, he’d be more hesitant. Imagine you had a couple of big buff sons living near and watching over you, I guarantee he would’ve disappeared.
You believe that “ a rat in his early stages can be reformed”or that he’s not so modern but England should open his eyes. Please get real, girl. When I told you that a good Muslim would not accept cash from a woman, your argument was that it depends on circumstances and that now we live in days of equality. You missed my point. Instead you went on taking the example of your parents who both worked outside the home raising 4 children in the 50ies. The two situations are completely different.
By the way, I’m glad you refused to buy a house in Tunisia. That was a big rat move from him. Several women got conned by signing papers written in Arabic after providing all the funds to buy a house to find out later that they didn’t own the house, but the husband who didn’t bring any money, was the owner along with his family. There was nothing these poor ladies could do about it. He told you “we” should buy a house. Of course, you were going to be the one who would have paid for the house since he doesn’t have two pennies to rub together. These people are con artists and he’s no exception. They have no shame and no guilt. They are cunning and good actors and will tell you what you want to hear until they get what they want.
I still hope you’ll open your eyes. If he makes it to England, he won’t cook and clean. When he works, he’ll keep the money and so t pay the bills. His sisters did everything for him all his life. You believe he’ll do housework because after all, your cousin learned to do these things after being served all his life. He’s not your cousin. He has a mentality that women should serve men and it’s too ingrained in him. As soon as he lives with you, he will go out as he pleases and will mistreat you. Then he’ll leave you as soon as he has enough money and he gets residency. We all tell you that. We don’t think it will happen, we know it. Do your research and read stories and stop thinking your story is the exception and that this man is special.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
Oh Pussycatz, Pussycatz, where have you been? I want to tell you very respectfully that you are living out of the realities of this world and I wasn’t trying to be funny. You must think we’re pessimistic and cynical when we tell you that you see the world much nicer than it is and that’s why you won’t listen.
Truth is you refuse to see what he’s really into and you find him every excuse in the book for all his flaws and his bad actions. You do recognize a few things you don’t like but you overlook them because anyway he loves you and he makes you smile when you’re down so all is good. Pussycatz, from what you describe, the man is treating very poorly and your low self esteem keeps you from seeing it. Stop putting yourself down. You say that you feel sorry for him for putting up with you. How is he putting up with you? You give him gifts and you’re going to provide him a better life. You are gold to him and as some ladies said, you are the perfect victim. You put up with his crap, you are generous, independent financially, you are extremely naive m, you wear your heart to your sleeve and yes, you don’t have children to get in his way and protect you. You better believe that if you had adult children that would do anything to stop him and would try to bring you to your senses, he’d be more hesitant. Imagine you had a couple of big buff sons living near and watching over you, I guarantee he would’ve disappeared.
You believe that “ a rat in his early stages can be reformed”or that he’s not so modern but England should open his eyes. Please get real, girl. When I told you that a good Muslim would not accept cash from a woman, your argument was that it depends on circumstances and that now we live in days of equality. You missed my point. Instead you went on taking the example of your parents who both worked outside the home raising 4 children in the 50ies. The two situations are completely different.
By the way, I’m glad you refused to buy a house in Tunisia. That was a big rat move from him. Several women got conned by signing papers written in Arabic after providing all the funds to buy a house to find out later that they didn’t own the house, but the husband who didn’t bring any money, was the owner along with his family. There was nothing these poor ladies could do about it. He told you “we” should buy a house. Of course, you were going to be the one who would have paid for the house since he doesn’t have two pennies to rub together. These people are con artists and he’s no exception. They have no shame and no guilt. They are cunning and good actors and will tell you what you want to hear until they get what they want.
I still hope you’ll open your eyes. If he makes it to England, he won’t cook and clean. When he works, he’ll keep the money and so t pay the bills. His sisters did everything for him all his life. You believe he’ll do housework because after all, your cousin learned to do these things after being served all his life. He’s not your cousin. He has a mentality that women should serve men and it’s too ingrained in him. As soon as he lives with you, he will go out as he pleases and will mistreat you. Then he’ll leave you as soon as he has enough money and he gets residency. We all tell you that. We don’t think it will happen, we know it. Do your research and read stories and stop thinking your story is the exception and that this man is special.
Wow. This really hit home. I feel a bit choked with emotion. It’s like you are looking into a crystal ball and it all sounds true. I know I’ve got a battle of wits ahead. Yes I do make excuses for him. He puts on a sad face at the airport and I always leave him a month’s salary (which is a weeks here) but it’s never enough. People do underestimate me. I’m not meek n mild. I’m polite but when my cage is rattled I do and did have a tantrum. I needed anger management I’m sure as I was so angry with everything and everyone then my other brother had complicated heart surgery and I’ve since calmed down. Having lost my younger brother who was 49 and paralysed for 9 years from the neck down and on a ventilator the year I met Zied. I seriously would have gone crazy had he not distracted me from his death in 2017. Some might saying he was targeting a vulnerable heart but I think he mended it. He seemed to appear at the right time and in my grief I saw romantic love for the first time. I felt almost guilty that I should be in deep mourning but Tunisia was my escape. I’d never heard of the Country before then learnt about the Arab Spring and now it’s culture. I can’t seem to master the language as it’s an Arabian dialect. I’m in too deep I’m not going to quit on probabilities. I like the crystal ball you foresee his learned behaviour. I’m a bit psychic myself and there’s a lot of truth in your foresight. However I’m prepared to test my assertiveness training over 25 years ago and actually learn to say the smallest word in the dictionary “no” and mean it. It sometimes takes a lifetime for empaths to do this. He’s young. They do learn. They adapt or change. I won’t go down without a fight. Truth be known it’s not been all roses. We have had our verbal battles over the years. It’s about control. He knows better now not to tell me what to wear etc. I promise you I will marry him and face the consequences but forearmed is forewarned or other way about maybe. The house issue in particular. I feel my dream gone up in smoke but better that then be just gone...to a Tunisian bride. I’m not sure what the future holds but I’m going ahead with my promises. Happy Easter.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
You have such good intentions and it’s good he makes you smile and be happy but I find it sad that at the age of 62 you haven’t learnt the wisdom that NOONE can make you happy apart from yourself . The painful thing is that the happiness is 1 sided and he is no doubt mocking you behind your back which , when you discover it , will be extremely hard .

I fear the pain when ( not if) you’re betrayed by this scammer will be extra hard for you as you appear very isolated in Terms of family.

listen to everyone here and prepare yourself now
Hi Jane yes I’m preparing myself for future and trying to see the pitfalls. This site helps as a kind of map. I’m not Indiana Jones but at times it feels like it with the Home Office, the culture differences, it’s hard to navigate. I don’t give up though like Mr Jones. I’m not typical for my age as I never had responsibilities except to do as I please within the constraints of finance. Maybe I do have the kind of wisdom that gives people a chance and keep an open mind. I know the theory that happiness is from within and I personally have a divorced friend who introduced me to the concept of self love and she embodies same. I don’t have sisters but all my girlfriends are shocked that I’ve treated Zied in a completely different way than my exes. Then again he treats me differently then they did. He is my fairytale Arabian Prince though he has the purse of a pauper (so it seems). But Princes turn paupers and paupers turn into Richard Branson. I don’t expect you to get me. Not many do. But really my happiness depends on being loved by a man. It makes “me” happy. It’s natural. I understand the concept of self love...finally. It starts with healthy eating sleep and hobbies etc. It’s putting myself first. Well I always did until I met Zied. He became my cause. I’m never going to be a realist. However I agree they laugh at everything and everyone including me probably. I guess their sense of humour is a bit off putting. I knew by the body language they were speaking about me. Wish I could secretly master Arabic.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
And I haven't told my story on here yet as its not exciting enough, I was far too shrewd to play the rat game and was highly suspicious at the off so almost became the cat in the cat and mouse game after reading TLR.
Week 2 of knowing him, he saw my birth control tablets in my bag, asked what they were, when I told him, the first thing he said was that I should stop and we should make a baby.
I however burst out laughing which loosely translated to F off :rolleyes:
Oh do tell your story Tigerpants. Yes I’ve heard of Visa babies. Zied tried to make one with me cos of old bible stories where someone in their 90’s had one I guess. But U.K. is filled with sad little kids without their Tunisian Moroccan etc daddies because of the barbed wire around the visa. Best not to have kids until Daddy is able to co support them preferably in the same Country as mummy. So good call. Not sure about the advice you gave your ex though. Sounded like something he might do anyway. Statistics here show.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
You see forgiveness, change and salvation and good on you....However he sees London,UK, your money, your house and the opportunity to take it all.
Rats dont see the best in people, they see a doorway to their future net worth.He wont get a UK visa, it simply wont happen, please please safeguard!
Thank you. I may have a welcome mat but I’m no doormat. There are 3 D rules. Don’t or Divorce and/or Deportation. If after the 5 year rule there may be a 4th D...desertion and then maybe a 5th Dumber n Dumber but I’m prepared for a bumpy ride (pun intended)
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
Oh Pussycatz...you are indeed the perfect victim for the rat! Please understand that his world and intentions are so far away from the views you have on the world, humans and kindness! I feel so so sorry for you, as the downfall will be harsh one day and let's hope you will be able to get over it.
Don't let your happines depend on this rat, be strong and love yourself, because that's the only love you're going to get!
You Don't have children...this is one Lucky bloody rat!
Please protect yourself by all means!
Dear Sweet Myriam. Thanks for your concern. How does one throw away their Fiancé on what he might do. I Love him.
 

Pussycatz

Senior Rat Expert
Ur the perfect victim for a rat...I hope for u the day ur world gets dark from Rattery...that u remember ur words here defending what is the obviously a scammer
I’m not a victim. I’m a survivor from a UK DV situation which is far worse than any dark scammed day that may befall me. The worse thing I marry a Leornado Dicaprio Tunisian stand in. Since they model themselves on the Titanic film. My World was brightened by him. I’m hoping for the best. Yes there’s been some suspect moments and maybe Pussycatz is in Love with a Tunisian ....not sure if a rat but certainly displayed some ratty traits in the past with wanting car etc. Didn’t get. Said it was for both of us. But me living in a different Country no way. His family own 2 nice ones! Not his his bro’s but he has access to same. If I won the lottery I would buy him a Ferrari n put a tracker in it.
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
Wow. This really hit home. I feel a bit choked with emotion. It’s like you are looking into a crystal ball and it all sounds true. I know I’ve got a battle of wits ahead. Yes I do make excuses for him. He puts on a sad face at the airport and I always leave him a month’s salary (which is a weeks here) but it’s never enough. People do underestimate me. I’m not meek n mild. I’m polite but when my cage is rattled I do and did have a tantrum. I needed anger management I’m sure as I was so angry with everything and everyone then my other brother had complicated heart surgery and I’ve since calmed down. Having lost my younger brother who was 49 and paralysed for 9 years from the neck down and on a ventilator the year I met Zied. I seriously would have gone crazy had he not distracted me from his death in 2017. Some might saying he was targeting a vulnerable heart but I think he mended it. He seemed to appear at the right time and in my grief I saw romantic love for the first time. I felt almost guilty that I should be in deep mourning but Tunisia was my escape. I’d never heard of the Country before then learnt about the Arab Spring and now it’s culture. I can’t seem to master the language as it’s an Arabian dialect. I’m in too deep I’m not going to quit on probabilities. I like the crystal ball you foresee his learned behaviour. I’m a bit psychic myself and there’s a lot of truth in your foresight. However I’m prepared to test my assertiveness training over 25 years ago and actually learn to say the smallest word in the dictionary “no” and mean it. It sometimes takes a lifetime for empaths to do this. He’s young. They do learn. They adapt or change. I won’t go down without a fight. Truth be known it’s not been all roses. We have had our verbal battles over the years. It’s about control. He knows better now not to tell me what to wear etc. I promise you I will marry him and face the consequences but forearmed is forewarned or other way about maybe. The house issue in particular. I feel my dream gone up in smoke but better that then be just gone...to a Tunisian bride. I’m not sure what the future holds but I’m going ahead with my promises. Happy Easter.
Thank you for your reply, Pussycatz. I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother. It must have shaken you to the core and it’s unfortunate you met him right after. It must have felt good, you fell in love, you had someone to listen to you and it felt like a lot of comfort to have someone to share your grief with. Unfortunately, he played on your vulnerability and he still does.
I’m bothered by your way of thinking and of your views on people. You are convinced that he will change and he will adapt because he’s young. This is true for children but he’s not a young child. He’s a grown adult with a specific goal and he knows what he’s going. I don’t understand your train of thoughts. It’s like you already know that he’s not that good. You know that it’s not going to be easy and that you could get hurt in the process but you are still willing to marry him because if you don’t, you are scared to regret it for the rest of your life and to let go the only chance at real love you had and to never know what could have been. I get that, it’s human but you need to see how reckless the decision of marrying him would be. In another post, you said you were ready for a bumpy ride. It sounds like you know deep down that you are making a mistake but you want to continue with him because you don’t want to break your promises to him. Why this loyalty? You may not see it that way, but you don’t owe him anything. One day, he won’t have any problem breaking the “promises” he made to you because it’s all fake. You can find love somewhere else. There are still men out there who are sincere and who will date you with no plan of taking from you.
How dare this man take money from you? He has a family who can help him and support him. If you stopped giving him money, he’d change of attitude toward you and you may finally see his true colors. He will make you guilty, will stop calling for a while to « punish you ». I have no respect, but only disgust for this type of individuals. I know you don’t like to hear that because he’s so dear to you but he’s nothing but a jerk and one day, you’ll find out. Protect your assets because he’ll suck you dry if you’re not careful. Do not let him destroy you. This is also a cruel world and please realize that some people are heartless and don’t give a sh.. about ruining people’s lives. Run for your life. Dont marry him.
I am no psychic and I don’t read in a crystal ball. This is common sense and logic. He’s a rat and that’s how rats act and they dont change. What he’s going to do in the future is predictable because they all have the same pattern of behavior. It’s only about them. They use others to serve their purposes.
You deserve so much better. If you valued yourself and your life more, you would not be ok with the idea of marrying somebody who you know can destroy your life. You still want to give it a try, no matter the consequences. This is crazy and I hope you’ll have a good support system when he leaves you because he will eventually. i say it again. Don’t marry him. It doesn’t matter you invested 3 years of your life. You’re about to lose much more.
 

Myriam1

Major Ratslayer
Pussycatz, I now see that you have your own reasoning, lightyears away from what the rat will ever be able to understand… You are a consenting victim, so be it. But know that we'll always be here for you dear.
You hang on to a fairy tale, you Don't want to see the Truth, maybe you could see it but you're living in denial, telling yourself that he is a prince and earns his chance… No way this is ever going to happen and you'll have to pay the price for it. Wish you all the strength on earth. But he'll get you down because he has become your Reason for living and that's a very bad thing.
If you really are looking for a "good" empathy cause, please give a child (one that you don't sleep with) the opportunity to get a decent life! Lots of those children out there!
Your actual love is a waist of time, courage and money...
 

minnie

Major Ratslayer
Wow. This really hit home. I feel a bit choked with emotion. It’s like you are looking into a crystal ball and it all sounds true. I know I’ve got a battle of wits ahead. Yes I do make excuses for him. He puts on a sad face at the airport and I always leave him a month’s salary (which is a weeks here) but it’s never enough. People do underestimate me. I’m not meek n mild. I’m polite but when my cage is rattled I do and did have a tantrum. I needed anger management I’m sure as I was so angry with everything and everyone then my other brother had complicated heart surgery and I’ve since calmed down. Having lost my younger brother who was 49 and paralysed for 9 years from the neck down and on a ventilator the year I met Zied. I seriously would have gone crazy had he not distracted me from his death in 2017. Some might saying he was targeting a vulnerable heart but I think he mended it. He seemed to appear at the right time and in my grief I saw romantic love for the first time. I felt almost guilty that I should be in deep mourning but Tunisia was my escape. I’d never heard of the Country before then learnt about the Arab Spring and now it’s culture. I can’t seem to master the language as it’s an Arabian dialect. I’m in too deep I’m not going to quit on probabilities. I like the crystal ball you foresee his learned behaviour. I’m a bit psychic myself and there’s a lot of truth in your foresight. However I’m prepared to test my assertiveness training over 25 years ago and actually learn to say the smallest word in the dictionary “no” and mean it. It sometimes takes a lifetime for empaths to do this. He’s young. They do learn. They adapt or change. I won’t go down without a fight. Truth be known it’s not been all roses. We have had our verbal battles over the years. It’s about control. He knows better now not to tell me what to wear etc. I promise you I will marry him and face the consequences but forearmed is forewarned or other way about maybe. The house issue in particular. I feel my dream gone up in smoke but better that then be just gone...to a Tunisian bride. I’m not sure what the future holds but I’m going ahead with my promises. Happy Easter.
U may of not bought the house for tuni bride but u are and will provide the rest u will see
 
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