Terms and conditions set by a rat.

Discussion in 'Rat Behavior' started by Mango Chutney, Sep 7, 2018.

  1. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    We gain more and more members on a regular basis now....and they become more and more open to discussing the many different aspects of their relationship with a rat in detail...this is just great! Some are eye opening, but many are the same....the levels of control we tolerated are unbelievable when you look at them almost listed in such detail....some of them verge on stalking.

    For myself (and I suspect many others) I did not see this as control at the time, I thought that though sometimes annoying, it was kinda cute how much he worried about me, that he needed to know my every move and communication, that I was to be accessible to him 24/7, that he was jealous of others taking my time from him etc, but now....I see it for what it was: Control and manipulation of an unacceptable level, solely to protect what he saw as his: His visa prospect, his walking ATM and worse....his possession.

    This level of control and manipulation is not love, it is not adoration, it is not normal....and it is totally unacceptable!
    So why did we tolerate it? Many of us accepted this control for many months, even years...why?
    Because we were brainwashed and manipulated by a narcissist, put under his spell, and as such...we tolerated extreme behaviours that our normal self would NOT have accepted.

    I will list below some examples of my rats levels of control (it's hard to remember everything), and would love to see some examples of your own rats levels of control.
    Whether they are different or they mirror mine does not matter, they are good to have here on a separate thread, it is good for current victims to have access to this detail....because our descriptions may help him/her to accept that their rat is a control freak, a narcissist...and that he/she must not believe his displays of control are love, are caring, are cute or acceptable...he/she must not think his/hers is 'different'.

    Every example we all give on this thread that may mirror that of others will prove that in fact, he is not different, he is exactly the same as the others....using the same words and techniques from 'The Rat Manual'....a book that obviously doesn't really exist, but is often spoken of as our way of showing that they are all the same: Same words, same actions, same excuses, same control :thumbsup:

    The T&C's my rat set me:

    IN TUNISIA:
    . I was never to leave the house, unless with permission and a chaperone.
    . No eye contact nor exchanging of pleasantries with strangers.
    . Everything I owned was free for him to use when he chose, including my body.
    . I must listen and do as I am told.
    . I was to tell nobody that I was still legally married on paper.
    . I was to walk looking at the ground.
    . I was to stay with his non English speaking family or go to work with him as and when he decided.
    . If I was not taken to work with him, I was not to go out and must respond instantly to calls and messages.
    . I was not to wear clothes he deemed inappropriate.I
    . My phones and Kindle were to be left unlocked and available.

    IN ENGLAND:
    . I was to stay in the house as much as possible.
    . I was to reply to his messages instantly.
    . If I went out, I was to tell him and keep speaking with him on the phone for the duration of the trip, allowing him to hear background noise.
    . I was to send selfies proving location.
    . I was not to speak to anyone whilst out walking, buying groceries etc.
    . I was to have coffee with one female friend only, if other friends arrived (male or female), I was to leave.
    . I was not allowed to go to clubs etc (I don't anyway, but to be ordered not to grated on me).
    . I was not to go to parties. If I went round my friends house up the road, the gathering was to be females only, and if there were more than four of us, I was to leave, as it was deemed a party.
    . I was not to go out with male friends.


    GENERAL EVERYDAY, REGARDLESS OF LOCATION.
    . He was to always have login details for my social media.
    . He was able to delete friends and family of mine that he didn't like.
    . He must always be informed of my many flight and travel details in and out of Tunisia: Airports, train stations, times, flight numbers, cost etc.
    . I must stop overthinking, being suspicious, asking questions.
    . I was to discuss our 'relationship' with no other people.
    . Girlie holidays were banned.
    . I was to tell him my private thoughts!!

    Written like this in list form, I hang my head in deep shame for what I tolerated...for what I believed was love, but I know it was not my fault, I know that was not my true self...it was the me that he turned me into...the stranger I had become to myself.

    Ladies and gents: KNOW YOUR WORTH!!
    You are more than this!
    Rats are generally uneducated, unemployed, lazy, coffee shop bums, living with mummy and daddy for almost forever....they are not (and never will be) worthy of you, me or anyone else good and decent.
     
  2. magic

    magic Well-Known Member

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    Mine wasn’t like this,I thought it meant he wasn’t a rat ,it just meant he didn’t really give a shit ,hours and hours of no communication,’working away ‘ for ten days,with no internet :rolleyes: he just didn’t try ! Was so arrogant and probably had many others to choose from,,, this was proven by him immediately getting someone else pregnant,and marrying her :Evil:
     
  3. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Yeah...and we all know what "Working away for x amount of days with no internet" means...another victim is visiting and we need to be kept out of sight :rolleyes:

    His current 'wife' is every rats dream...played right into his ratty hands...marriage, anchor baby AND the golden visa...probably all paid for by herself...I'm just glad you are well away from him :love:
     
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  4. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Well-Known Member

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    Ill try to make a short clear list too.
    - I was not allowed to go out with friends at all, a call or text was enough
    - never have contact with male friends, I had to remove them from my social media.
    - never discuss our relationship with anyone but he made his family video call me or text me if we had problems. Also he complained about me on social media, then he proceed to block me. (That’s when he got other girl and proved wasn’t with me anymore, he forgot to mention he asked me back and say he was sorry all kind of excuses)
    - all my outfits had to be approved by him and ocassionaly by his mother. Including nail colour, hairstyle, makeup.
    - I made some trips, He made during all those trips nonsense dramas to make sure I hadn’t a good time or my mood was altered and wouldn’t go out and meet anyone.
    - time at home was always being monitored by phone. Had to set it on speaker or by video call. Shower time, makeup time, cooking time, even time to sleep it had to be on video to make sure I fell asleep until battery ran off. If I decided to take a bathtub time and it took longer than he expected he made a drama.
    - all dramas were followed by silent treatment. Wich is the time he got to make new friendship with many foreigner women. And to indeed sustain a parallel relationship with other girl same time as me. He asked marriage to both of us.
    - after silent treatment ended and he came back to say he was sorry and excuses I was asked to not overthink, to not ask many questions, to trust him and he never acted with bad intentions. But if I did ask and try to get. Reasonable responses he used to call me names and to low down my self esteem. Saying hurtful things.
    - I was supposed to visit him and several ocasions out of nothing he asked me to cancel the trip. Original plan was to visit all the main cities and to have fun. He ended saying I should stay at his family home the entire time, and going on random walks to the beach only. Or to coffee shops at night. (Vacation of my dreams lol)
    - all sweet words and love promises were followed by a talk about future plans. And obviously about requests. Wedding, home, car, taking care of his family, a business and eventually moving abroad.
    - he had no life plan, for example he said we should live in tunisia for a short time then to move. But he changed idea every few weeks, from Canada to Finland. Or if we argued he came up saying he would go to. UK, or to France. Only dreams nothing concrete.
    - he had multiple Social media accounts all with misspelled names.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2018
  5. Snuggle

    Snuggle Well-Known Member

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    Expected me to help him with all his scams and when it didn’t work out how he wanted blamed me for it.
    Have to like it to visit his family/friends while the whole lot was speaking Arabic all the time.
    Have to like it to visit family/ friends unexpectedly, thinking I was going home and we always had to stop to visit someone or to pick up something.
    Must be happy to attend a family wedding in Tunisia in the middle of nowhere in a place without a normal bathroom or running water. “People are paying money to attend a Tunisian wedding you know and yo don’t want to go”
    Telling lies of his whereabouts when disappearing for a weekend.
    When he got trapped about his lies telling me I was stupid.
    Never asked how I was doing while being ill but telling how sick he has been.
    Giving his phone number to everybody who has a hole so he can put his zib in.
    Sending pictures to 1000 and 1000 of girls and maybe man.
    Selfish sex only thinking about himself.
    Expecting me to stay in the hotel room at night so he could go to the bar at night.
    Not able to have a normal conversation because it turned alway out to the Islam and how good it is.
     
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  6. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Well-Known Member

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    don’t become a victim of Marriage fraud.
     
  7. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Well-Known Member

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  8. juicyfruit

    juicyfruit Well-Known Member

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    I went through the same situation Mango! OMG:eek: not once but TWICE in my life:oops: I now feel so FREE:)!
     
  9. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    That's how I describe it too :)

    They are like a viral infection, running through our veins, they dominate our lives....and are damn hard to beat! They destroy everything good they come into contact with....yet the recovery is so painful and difficult.

    I felt free from the day I took that final flight out of Tunisia....because I knew I'd never return. I sat on that flight in agony from my most recent physical injuries....but I felt free, I felt light, I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders, I felt peace inside, I felt like I could fly, and ironically....I literally was flying :)

    Such horrible, cruel, all consuming, damaging creatures....I'm so relieved we all escaped them and completely erased them from our lives :)
     
  10. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    I am relieved too.
    They brainwash the victims. Like Stockholm syndrome. They repeat love bombing and fill up our time so they can brainwash more. It’s classic, and we didn’t see it. That’s why it’s so hard to get over them.
    I view it as a type of terrorism towards us.
     
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  11. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Girls, in my book the rats are no super rats. Don't blow their image up out of proportion. They have to work their little fannies of to find victims who really get them a visa. Look at all the old rats in Tunisia, still dreaming of the big catch ;)
     
  12. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    This always makes me laugh :D
    In England....fanny has a whole different meaning :D
     
  13. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Tell me, please :D

    don't bother, I found it :p seems like I'm a silly yank....

    UK, Australia, NZ. Fanny= p ussy
    Silly yanks, fanny= bum
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018
  14. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    :D:D:D
     
  15. Myriam

    Myriam Well-Known Member

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    Rats are purely manipulating narcissists, some even pervert ones.
    This category of (un)human beings is largely represented in muslim countries…
     
  16. Judithlyn

    Judithlyn Well-Known Member

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    I can so relate to everything said on this thread. I was baby sat by little nieces when I went outside of his house just to buy bread for his mother!

    I can add one phrase....when I questioned anything....he would reply that I am tiring his head or causing him stress so he needed to sleep! I swear he has African sleeping sickness!

    Twice in all of our years together, he would be “working without internet” so he could not reach me. I now know, both times his other victim had gone to Tunisia! Lying cheating swine rat! He’s just plain old nasty! I don’t think he had any other foreigners though in person! I do suspect Tunisians though and that is all I’m going to say cause I have no proof!
     
  17. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Yes! :D Mine got migraines because my questions gave him stress...and having read around the forum....a number of victims heard this shite :rolleyes:
    Well....other than the fact that he admitted he was shagging two Tunisian 'virgins', when he thought you'd had detectives spying on him, and not realising it was only me and Heidi....he thought he'd better fess up :D
    That would be enough proof for me :thumbsup:
     
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  18. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    I read that!!!!

    !cid_image001_gif@01D3C84C.gif
     
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  19. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Hahaha, I'm so sorry....you are the best detective EVER!!! :D:D:D
     
  20. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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  21. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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  22. Judithlyn

    Judithlyn Well-Known Member

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    If you were a man, I know somebody who might be interested in the kissing proposition and that’s all I’m going to say! :sick:
     
  23. Discovery

    Discovery Active Member

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    Ha ha, well ladies are awesome
     
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  24. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    46r4pss2.gif

     
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  25. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Well-Known Member

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