We gain more and more members on a regular basis now....and they become more and more open to discussing the many different aspects of their relationship with a rat in detail...this is just great! Some are eye opening, but many are the same....the levels of control we tolerated are unbelievable when you look at them almost listed in such detail....some of them verge on stalking. For myself (and I suspect many others) I did not see this as control at the time, I thought that though sometimes annoying, it was kinda cute how much he worried about me, that he needed to know my every move and communication, that I was to be accessible to him 24/7, that he was jealous of others taking my time from him etc, but now....I see it for what it was: Control and manipulation of an unacceptable level, solely to protect what he saw as his: His visa prospect, his walking ATM and worse....his possession. This level of control and manipulation is not love, it is not adoration, it is not normal....and it is totally unacceptable! So why did we tolerate it? Many of us accepted this control for many months, even years...why? Because we were brainwashed and manipulated by a narcissist, put under his spell, and as such...we tolerated extreme behaviours that our normal self would NOT have accepted. I will list below some examples of my rats levels of control (it's hard to remember everything), and would love to see some examples of your own rats levels of control. Whether they are different or they mirror mine does not matter, they are good to have here on a separate thread, it is good for current victims to have access to this detail....because our descriptions may help him/her to accept that their rat is a control freak, a narcissist...and that he/she must not believe his displays of control are love, are caring, are cute or acceptable...he/she must not think his/hers is 'different'. Every example we all give on this thread that may mirror that of others will prove that in fact, he is not different, he is exactly the same as the others....using the same words and techniques from 'The Rat Manual'....a book that obviously doesn't really exist, but is often spoken of as our way of showing that they are all the same: Same words, same actions, same excuses, same control The T&C's my rat set me: IN TUNISIA: . I was never to leave the house, unless with permission and a chaperone. . No eye contact nor exchanging of pleasantries with strangers. . Everything I owned was free for him to use when he chose, including my body. . I must listen and do as I am told. . I was to tell nobody that I was still legally married on paper. . I was to walk looking at the ground. . I was to stay with his non English speaking family or go to work with him as and when he decided. . If I was not taken to work with him, I was not to go out and must respond instantly to calls and messages. . I was not to wear clothes he deemed inappropriate.I . My phones and Kindle were to be left unlocked and available. IN ENGLAND: . I was to stay in the house as much as possible. . I was to reply to his messages instantly. . If I went out, I was to tell him and keep speaking with him on the phone for the duration of the trip, allowing him to hear background noise. . I was to send selfies proving location. . I was not to speak to anyone whilst out walking, buying groceries etc. . I was to have coffee with one female friend only, if other friends arrived (male or female), I was to leave. . I was not allowed to go to clubs etc (I don't anyway, but to be ordered not to grated on me). . I was not to go to parties. If I went round my friends house up the road, the gathering was to be females only, and if there were more than four of us, I was to leave, as it was deemed a party. . I was not to go out with male friends. GENERAL EVERYDAY, REGARDLESS OF LOCATION. . He was to always have login details for my social media. . He was able to delete friends and family of mine that he didn't like. . He must always be informed of my many flight and travel details in and out of Tunisia: Airports, train stations, times, flight numbers, cost etc. . I must stop overthinking, being suspicious, asking questions. . I was to discuss our 'relationship' with no other people. . Girlie holidays were banned. . I was to tell him my private thoughts!! Written like this in list form, I hang my head in deep shame for what I tolerated...for what I believed was love, but I know it was not my fault, I know that was not my true self...it was the me that he turned me into...the stranger I had become to myself. Ladies and gents: KNOW YOUR WORTH!! You are more than this! Rats are generally uneducated, unemployed, lazy, coffee shop bums, living with mummy and daddy for almost forever....they are not (and never will be) worthy of you, me or anyone else good and decent.