Thank You

Discussion in 'Rat on a Rat' started by Jisela, Jun 27, 2018.

  1. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    I wanted to let the contributors here know this site was extremely helpful to me. I studied many threads and stories of victims during a marriage to a Tunisian man (one who was very good at concealing important cultural, religious, and other information). It was ONLY because of this site I was able to put the pieces of behavior and circumstances together, and cancel a pending immigration petition while living in Tunisia. I was also able to inform the handling government agency that I suspect my husband married me for immigration purposes.

    The information here, while shocking and extremely sad and painful to read, helped me cope DURING my first year of marriage, rather than years in the future. Knowing the ultimate goal and outcome of "the game" was exactly the truth I needed to move forward.

    It's sad to see so women sacrificed to fraud and violence like this. But, I'm hopeful many good men and women will continue to fight against it through distributing information online. Your site does a great job of helping to create a safer future for women. So, thank you.
     
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  2. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    What a great post! How comforting for us to know that our time and effort here does pay off.
    Thank you, Jisela....and welcome to the forum. Here's wishing you a happy, rat free future :love:
     
  3. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    @Jisela are you divorced and in your homeland now? :)
     
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  4. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Not yet, but I have everything planned all the way to "Plan Z". I just sent the necessary letter to cancel the immigration process, and my husband is already trying to figure a way around it (for instance, claiming someone else fraudulently sent the request - these people are really sociopaths). But, I waited until another fight where I have to be the "bad woman" role and his anger was peaked, to initiate it; therefore, I could sort of say it was because of the anger/fight. Again, thanks to this site, I had everything ready and planned for a while. Once you see the whole game, it's impossible to be blind to how it works.

    I'm waiting now until he gets to the point where he completely realizes immigration is destroyed, and his anger starts to peak up and disrupt our daily lives. I'm betting he will either encourage me to visit my home country, or work there, or simply get lost (in some twisted logic), and I will leave. I'll be ready, maybe even for a short vacation, before going home. It won't be long. These guys don't have great patience or attention spans.
     
  5. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Be really careful!! These rats are unpredictable when confronted...I speak from experience. They get violent.
    You are still living in the same house, even though he knows you've cancelled the immigration process?
    They have zero patience and attention spans. What they do have is vicious tempers and spiteful mouths.
     
  6. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Thank you, Mango. I will be really careful. The vicious temper and spiteful mouth doesn't bother me, anymore. I realize he just will never see me as a human being (I doubt he has that capacity for Tunisian women, either). It used to leave me sick for days, but I'm numb to it now understanding he just completely lacks depth - he just doesn't have the programming to respect and love women.

    My rat needs to be in control, so that's why it's good to wait just a little more. If and when he can end the marriage on his terms, that will be best, and I'm ready! If not, of course, my next option is just to leave fast and without notice. Again, I'm giving it a little time, because my rat is good at destroying marriage; you just have to stand back and watch (maybe eat popcorn).
     
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  7. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    I like that option :)

    was he married before?
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2018
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  8. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    No, this was his first marriage recorded on his birth certificate in Tunisia. But, whether or not there is a woman waiting in the family somewhere, or something prearranged at youth, I'm sure I'll never know until later. I'm just the first wife :)
     
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  9. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    They all want to be in control :rolleyes: Control freaks like no other....but what reeeeeally gets to them, what they really hate.....is when control gets taken away from them, they are powerless to help themselves, they can't dig a way out.

    Use your strength, stand your ground...take control yourself...he is a nothing, a nobody....don't let him continue to have such power over you.
    Remember....he needs you more than you need him....I had this drummed into my head by a friend...and she was right :thumbsup:
     
  10. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    You're right. But, I have to admit it has been really therapeutic to watch him destroy the marriage and seek his own plans for money and opportunity, and to sit back and let it happen. Just watch. It gave me a lot of time to sort of mourn the loss of who I thought he was, and what I hoped our marriage would be. I know it's much healthier to get out the door, and I know it's important to take control. It's just that I know the time is close, and these will be the last few moments of the "lie". I'm trying to make my peace with it before it's finally over, I guess. Again, I'm estimating another week or two, tops.
     
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  11. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    You will never get closure from a rat. Just stay safe whilst you try to find your peace, though in truth....you will only find that once it's over.
     
  12. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    I know I'll feel a lot better on the plane. I will update you here, maybe with a photo from the airplane, on the way out of Tunisia. Again, I really thank everyone here. Such painful stories really helped me understand the complete cruelty here. I'm so thankful I only lost a year to this and not more. It could have been ten years more, with immigration and mistresses. I am so thankful I didn't have to suffer that kind of "closure". :oops:
     
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  13. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Now there's a photo I look forward to seeing!! :love:
    Just keep yourself safe from harm....if I'd taken one of those airplane pics, the world would have seen I was bruised from shoulder to toe and with a broken foot....I was completely battered, physically and mentally, but damn, even in agony....that freedom felt sooooooo good :)
    And you're welcome...it's a huge comfort to know what we do here can get positive results.
     
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  14. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    Just don't let him know you have been worked under destroying his immigration process.
     
  15. Myriam

    Myriam Well-Known Member

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    Jisela, please take care of yourself! I hope to see you soon leave Tunisia and this unhuman man!
    I Don't know where you live in Tunisia, once I know and if you need urgently help, do contact me by PM.
     
  16. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    I was about to say; is there someone there you can trust if you need to leave quickly? Please don’t underestimate what they can do, families and friends stick together. Don’t trust any member of his family or his friends. Keep your passport very close to you.
     
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  17. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    No by all means do not trust anyone there. As long as you do not know Tunisia's rules or you can lock the language, you would not have contacted either your lawyer or your ambassador because it is too dangerous. You are in a dangerous situation. Hope you have a buffer that you can buy a ticket without knowing about it. But do not trust anyone if you have any common friends so keep them outside.
     
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  18. Masha

    Masha Well-Known Member

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    Jisela pls get on that plane asap and never look back. Run run as fast as you can or he will catch you , the bad Tunisian man ! [​IMG]
     
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  19. Discovery

    Discovery Well-Known Member

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    Aw Jisela, such a sweet read. I love a smart independent woman. I am so proud of you, my heart swells. Prayers for your healthy and happy return. Well done girl!
     
  20. Judithlyn

    Judithlyn Well-Known Member

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    PLEASE get out of there ASAP! The leaving time is the most dangerous! When he is away, eating Ma’s Cooking, hail a taxi, and GO! Don’t risk your health or your life! Get to the airport and never look back! Their tempers are violent and can erupt in a flash! Please please be careful!!!! Do not confront him! Let him falsely win arguments until you are safely out of Tunisia! Take care of YOU!!!!
     
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  21. Big Bang Theory

    Big Bang Theory Well-Known Member

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    @Jisela please let us know if you have contact with other expats in Tunisia.
    There are people who can help you in an emergency.
    Please contact us on here if you need help.
     
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  22. Judithlyn

    Judithlyn Well-Known Member

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    How old are they when the “arranged marriages” to cousins happen? Why does any cousin want a used up piece of meat? Weird, isn’t it???
     
  23. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    After what I have heard they are very young when these arranged marriages are agreed. It seems disgusting that arranged marriage still exists in 2018 poor young girls who are getting married and must accept everything they have no rights cruelly
     
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  24. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    "Forced marriages" are forbidden by law in Tunisia, but a large portion of marriages are "arranged" marriages, in which the families strongly suggest the future partners to their children, and the most desired partners often being cousins.

    And even though this form of marriage is declining in Tunisia and some children even strictly refuse them, the verdict of the family in Tunisia has a very high importance for the choice of spouses.

    The main purpose of marriage is the production and raising of children (and the prevention of non-marital sexual intercourse), thus enlarging the family community and maintaining the modesty of the society. A marriage is , in Tunisia, also the only legal and socially accepted option for two people to be together with a non-related person of the opposite sex.

    https://www.tunispro.net/tunisia/marriage-in-tunisia.htm
     
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  25. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    Hard to understand their thinking. Why mothers want to marry their children even if they are honored they can not have feelings for their children. All parents want their children to have a good life but in their culture, the girl will accept everything if she does not act like her husband will then she will almost be killed and she will sound both he and his family do not have their opinions what should life is
     
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