The aftermath ...

BrownGirl

Moderator And Queen of Summaries
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Oct 30, 2010
Messages
4,796
I heard a very sad story yesterday, of a lady who took her own life after being hurt by a rat. It made me realise how blessed I am to have good friends, family and the ability to move on and put the whole experience behind me. It hasn't been easy, but I am glad to say I am back to normal, well as normal as I ever was :D (I think our good summer has helped!)

To the ladies who think some of us here are bitter because of our experiences and that they can handle the situation no matter what happens, take note. Until you actually experience it, no one can understand how it feels to discover that you have been conned, lied to, used and abused, until it actually happens to you. It isn't pleasant, no matter how strong you think you are. The shock can have a huge and unexpected impact. That's why some of us get a little frustrated when we can see the probable truth that those blinded by love can't see.

I was at the funeral recently of a young family friend who also took his own life. The priest addressed the huge numbers of people at the service and reminded them that everything passes. Nothing is worth the devastation that a suicide leaves behind.

Everything passes. Even for those who ignore our advice, we will still be here to help pick up the pieces.

BG xx
 

Tigerlilly

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 2, 2013
Messages
163
I heard a very sad story yesterday, of a lady who took her own life after being hurt by a rat. It made me realise how blessed I am to have good friends, family and the ability to move on and put the whole experience behind me. It hasn't been easy, but I am glad to say I am back to normal, well as normal as I ever was :D (I think our good summer has helped!)

To the ladies who think some of us here are bitter because of our experiences and that they can handle the situation no matter what happens, take note. Until you actually experience it, no one can understand how it feels to discover that you have been conned, lied to, used and abused, until it actually happens to you. It isn't pleasant, no matter how strong you think you are. The shock can have a huge and unexpected impact. That's why some of us get a little frustrated when we can see the probable truth that those blinded by love can't see.

I was at the funeral recently of a young family friend who also took his own life. The priest addressed the huge numbers of people at the service and reminded them that everything passes. Nothing is worth the devastation that a suicide leaves behind.

Everything passes. Even for those who ignore our advice, we will still be here to help pick up the pieces.

BG xx
Thankyou for this post, its so nice to hear that we are not alone. Ive found great comfort talking to women who have experienced this kind of relationship, and when the shit hits the fan it really hurts. Posts here inspire me and give me strength... I so feel for the family of the woman who felt so low that she could see no way out of her pain. Coping for me is a necessity, hopefully in time the pain will pass. Thanks again BrownGirl :thumbsup:xx
 

the nutty professor

Bad Teacher
Joined
Aug 9, 2012
Messages
2,526
Touching post,BG.


When a relationship ends due to rattery, the repercussions of deceipt are like shockwaves radiating further and further out.
Everything that you knew to be true suddenly becomes fragile and questionable.

Suicide is becoming more prevalent in the case of failed relationships, its the loss, shame and fear of others judging. Desperation results in awful actions. humans get so eroded by the actions of others that they lose sight of themselves and reality.
 

Tigerlilly

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 2, 2013
Messages
163
Touching post,BG.


When a relationship ends due to rattery, the repercussions of deceipt are like shockwaves radiating further and further out.
Everything that you knew to be true suddenly becomes fragile and questionable.

Suicide is becoming more prevalent in the case of failed relationships, its the loss, shame and fear of others judging. Desperation results in awful actions. humans get so eroded by the actions of others that they lose sight of themselves and reality.
I totally agree, and the shame is so hard to handle because work collegues/family dont really understand, they just tutt and say the usual crap like 'oh well what did you expect' with that annoying eye rolling thing that really can piss you off if your feeling fragile. Thats why support groups like this are essential and part of the survival kit, talking openly with someone who has experienced it is half the battle, loneliness is dangerous when youve been bitten by a rat.. :eek:
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
Joined
Oct 26, 2010
Messages
3,820
Touching post,BG.


When a relationship ends due to rattery, the repercussions of deceipt are like shockwaves radiating further and further out.
Everything that you knew to be true suddenly becomes fragile and questionable.

Suicide is becoming more prevalent in the case of failed relationships, its the loss, shame and fear of others judging. Desperation results in awful actions. humans get so eroded by the actions of others that they lose sight of themselves and reality.
Humiliation..and being looked at with pity is the worse..
 

paula01

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 27, 2009
Messages
2,196
I heard a very sad story yesterday, of a lady who took her own life after being hurt by a rat. It made me realise how blessed I am to have good friends, family and the ability to move on and put the whole experience behind me. It hasn't been easy, but I am glad to say I am back to normal, well as normal as I ever was :D (I think our good summer has helped!)

To the ladies who think some of us here are bitter because of our experiences and that they can handle the situation no matter what happens, take note. Until you actually experience it, no one can understand how it feels to discover that you have been conned, lied to, used and abused, until it actually happens to you. It isn't pleasant, no matter how strong you think you are. The shock can have a huge and unexpected impact. That's why some of us get a little frustrated when we can see the probable truth that those blinded by love can't see.

I was at the funeral recently of a young family friend who also took his own life. The priest addressed the huge numbers of people at the service and reminded them that everything passes. Nothing is worth the devastation that a suicide leaves behind.

Everything passes. Even for those who ignore our advice, we will still be here to help pick up the pieces.

BG xx
That is a very sad story BG, poor woman. I dont think the experience of being with a rat ever truly leaves you, and the longer you are with them the longer it takes to get over it. Its not the same as being in a "normal" relationship that just breaks down. You get over that and move on. I will never understand how they can be so cold and callous, and have no conscience. They move on without a thought for what they have left behind. If I am being truthful, I think that I am slightly bitter, as they are not left with low self esteem, lack of trust, and the feeling of being used for years. I wish this website had been here with all the advice and warnings before I lived there. Even when you are there living amongst them, you still try and look for the best in people and thats our downfall. Its so frustrating when someone comes on here defending these rats, when you can see exactly what is going to happen, and they wont listen. They get angry at the comments and think that we are all bitter and twisted. Even though they deny that theirs is a rat, some of the information we give must make alarm bells ring when they see the rat behaviour emerging. If this website saves a few women from going through this, then it is worth it.
 

Tigerlilly

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 2, 2013
Messages
163
That is a very sad story BG, poor woman. I dont think the experience of being with a rat ever truly leaves you, and the longer you are with them the longer it takes to get over it. Its not the same as being in a "normal" relationship that just breaks down. You get over that and move on. I will never understand how they can be so cold and callous, and have no conscience. They move on without a thought for what they have left behind. If I am being truthful, I think that I am slightly bitter, as they are not left with low self esteem, lack of trust, and the feeling of being used for years. I wish this website had been here with all the advice and warnings before I lived there. Even when you are there living amongst them, you still try and look for the best in people and thats our downfall. Its so frustrating when someone comes on here defending these rats, when you can see exactly what is going to happen, and they wont listen. They get angry at the comments and think that we are all bitter and twisted. Even though they deny that theirs is a rat, some of the information we give must make alarm bells ring when they see the rat behaviour emerging. If this website saves a few women from going through this, then it is worth it.
I know mine is a ratty, he shows ratty traits and to be honest was a selfish self centred arsehole to live with.. i think all the 'me me me' quotes were dragging me down :oops: I just need to have faith in the decision I have made and stay strong because they have a really nasty way of trying to wriggle back into the comfort zone.. they play with your mind, its crazy but sometimes the only way to start the recovery process is by cutting all contact even though it hurts. How many stages after this one ladies.. :( I hope its bitter and revengeful! :sneaky:
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
Joined
Oct 26, 2010
Messages
3,820
I heard a very sad story yesterday, of a lady who took her own life after being hurt by a rat. It made me realise how blessed I am to have good friends, family and the ability to move on and put the whole experience behind me. It hasn't been easy, but I am glad to say I am back to normal, well as normal as I ever was :D (I think our good summer has helped!)

To the ladies who think some of us here are bitter because of our experiences and that they can handle the situation no matter what happens, take note. Until you actually experience it, no one can understand how it feels to discover that you have been conned, lied to, used and abused, until it actually happens to you. It isn't pleasant, no matter how strong you think you are. The shock can have a huge and unexpected impact. That's why some of us get a little frustrated when we can see the probable truth that those blinded by love can't see.

I was at the funeral recently of a young family friend who also took his own life. The priest addressed the huge numbers of people at the service and reminded them that everything passes. Nothing is worth the devastation that a suicide leaves behind.

Everything passes. Even for those who ignore our advice, we will still be here to help pick up the pieces.

BG xx
Sad story BG..hope there families can come through these sad losses:Cry:
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
Joined
Oct 26, 2010
Messages
3,820
I know mine is a ratty, he shows ratty traits and to be honest was a selfish self centred arsehole to live with.. i think all the 'me me me' quotes were dragging me down :oops: I just need to have faith in the decision I have made and stay strong because they have a really nasty way of trying to wriggle back into the comfort zone.. they play with your mind, its crazy but sometimes the only way to start the recovery process is by cutting all contact even though it hurts. How many stages after this one ladies.. :( I hope its bitter and revengeful! :sneaky:
sorry:mad: it's taken me 2 years to get to that stage... now not bitter..revengeful yes....and i want justice... and believe me it is very close...
 

simple

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 1, 2011
Messages
7,061
I heard a very sad story yesterday, of a lady who took her own life after being hurt by a rat. It made me realise how blessed I am to have good friends, family and the ability to move on and put the whole experience behind me. It hasn't been easy, but I am glad to say I am back to normal, well as normal as I ever was :D (I think our good summer has helped!)

To the ladies who think some of us here are bitter because of our experiences and that they can handle the situation no matter what happens, take note. Until you actually experience it, no one can understand how it feels to discover that you have been conned, lied to, used and abused, until it actually happens to you. It isn't pleasant, no matter how strong you think you are. The shock can have a huge and unexpected impact. That's why some of us get a little frustrated when we can see the probable truth that those blinded by love can't see.

I was at the funeral recently of a young family friend who also took his own life. The priest addressed the huge numbers of people at the service and reminded them that everything passes. Nothing is worth the devastation that a suicide leaves behind.

Everything passes. Even for those who ignore our advice, we will still be here to help pick up the pieces.

BG xx
What a sad post . I hope your ok Browngirl ?? It brings everything out again ,those emotions ,that hurt ,that lonely place ,where no one should be .Everything passes in time ,but some things never go away .
 

Tigerlilly

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 2, 2013
Messages
163
sorry:mad: it's taken me 2 years to get to that stage... now not bitter..revengeful yes....and i want justice... and believe me it is very close...
I hope he gets what he deserves crystal, and i hope you win the fight..justice will prevail!! I will watch this space, the sooner the better you poor thing, 2 years!! WTF!! Its disgusting what they put women through.. the douchebags (is that how you spell it??).. :mad:
 

simple

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Joined
Nov 1, 2011
Messages
7,061
I know mine is a ratty, he shows ratty traits and to be honest was a selfish self centred arsehole to live with.. i think all the 'me me me' quotes were dragging me down :oops: I just need to have faith in the decision I have made and stay strong because they have a really nasty way of trying to wriggle back into the comfort zone.. they play with your mind, its crazy but sometimes the only way to start the recovery process is by cutting all contact even though it hurts. How many stages after this one ladies.. :( I hope its bitter and revengeful! :sneaky:
For me Tigerlilly ,it was laughter .....I learnd to laugh at them ,never to take anything they say seriously ,think of them as morons ,stupid and not worthy of intelligent conversation !
 

paula01

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 27, 2009
Messages
2,196
I know mine is a ratty, he shows ratty traits and to be honest was a selfish self centred arsehole to live with.. i think all the 'me me me' quotes were dragging me down :oops: I just need to have faith in the decision I have made and stay strong because they have a really nasty way of trying to wriggle back into the comfort zone.. they play with your mind, its crazy but sometimes the only way to start the recovery process is by cutting all contact even though it hurts. How many stages after this one ladies.. :( I hope its bitter and revengeful! :sneaky:
You stay strong Tigerlilly, you have made the right decision which I know, is really hard to do. They do play with your mind and make you believe that its your fault. The final end of mine took forever, and I started to believe that some of it was my fault :confused: he got inside my head and told me he was sorry, had time to think about what he had done, blah blah bloody blah. I was with mine for years and he was also an arsehole to live with. Selfish and everything was all about him. First stage you get angry, then a bit sad, then you start to forget all the bad things, and think about the good times. Then you come on here and read all the ratty stories that are the same as yours and think, THANK GOD I GOT OUT ;)
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
Joined
Oct 26, 2010
Messages
3,820
You stay strong Tigerlilly, you have made the right decision which I know, is really hard to do. They do play with your mind and make you believe that its your fault. The final end of mine took forever, and I started to believe that some of it was my fault :confused: he got inside my head and told me he was sorry, had time to think about what he had done, blah blah bloody blah. I was with mine for years and he was also an arsehole to live with. Selfish and everything was all about him. First stage you get angry, then a bit sad, then you start to forget all the bad things, and think about the good times. Then you come on here and read all the ratty stories that are the same as yours and think, THANK GOD I GOT OUT ;)
So say all of us Paula!!!!
 

Tigerlilly

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 2, 2013
Messages
163
You stay strong Tigerlilly, you have made the right decision which I know, is really hard to do. They do play with your mind and make you believe that its your fault. The final end of mine took forever, and I started to believe that some of it was my fault :confused: he got inside my head and told me he was sorry, had time to think about what he had done, blah blah bloody blah. I was with mine for years and he was also an arsehole to live with. Selfish and everything was all about him. First stage you get angry, then a bit sad, then you start to forget all the bad things, and think about the good times. Then you come on here and read all the ratty stories that are the same as yours and think, THANK GOD I GOT OUT ;)
Bless you xxx thanks :thumbsup:
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
Joined
Oct 26, 2010
Messages
3,820
For me Tigerlilly ,it was laughter .....I learnd to laugh at them ,never to take anything they say seriously ,think of them as morons ,stupid and not worthy of intelligent conversation !
You certainly pulled me out a few bad moments S...with your witty posts.... thanks xxx....but you always hit it right on the button what they are..made me realize... in effect nobody's... certainly not worth the heartache.... Looking back It makes me feel stupid how I thought he was wonderful..must have been Vodoo....
 

Tigerlilly

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Joined
Aug 2, 2013
Messages
163
You certainly pulled me out a few bad moments S...with your witty posts.... thanks xxx....but you always hit it right on the button what they are..made me realize... in effect nobody's... certainly not worth the heartache.... Looking back It makes me feel stupid how I thought he was wonderful..must have been Vodoo....
what i find really hard to get to grips with is my ratty was a practicing muslim, thats what really does my head in and why i cant fully come to terms with the fact that he could be capable of these horrible things.. i mean we did talk about getting a property over there in a few years time, and he was 14 years younger than me, i certainly didnt want anymore children at 45... can you smell a rat??? Im in that state of stupidity i think..:Geek:
 
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