The struggel to get free from a rat

Tiger

Junior Rat Expert
Being trapped in a Rattery relationship is extremely damaging both for our self-esteem and our psyche. It starts out as the most beautiful romance becomes our biggest nightmare. It starts small. The application for a visa is too slow. There is no understanding that this is a long process. If the application does not go through so it must be you there must be something wrong with.
I've probably many with me when I say that we saw the signs early, but we refused to see them. Calls are only accusations. We become more and more degraded. Lacking night's sleep. For Rats are notoriously nocturnal one, and always most active at night. They shall surely not at work the next day, they can sleep in his rat's nest.
Doubts gnaw us day and night. We know what we have to do, but to make the final break is also scary.
B / c we went into the relationship with the right precondition. We went in with the heart.
But I think we all get to the point where we can not anymore. To the point where we realize that this relationship is a one-way relationship. We are alone. We are the ones to give but never get anything back.
The first days and weeks after the breakup is hard. We are full of doubt. What if he was real? Are all these doubts only in our head? We have read too many bad stories?
We check his FB, we check whether he is online on Viber. We sit with your phone and want to call. Pending perhaps basically of one word from him.
But as the days go so know an actual freedom. We can go to bed at night without being awakened by messages and painful conversations. We can go out when a wanna, do not always be available if he should find time to call. We do not have the constant pressure to send money, or the eternal obligation to submit.
To get out of this abusive relationship is a process. It takes a long time to be able to build up for months and years of abuse. Where one has lived under constant pressure. Give yourself time. For it would take time. Besnezz and marriage fraud is perhaps the worst psychological games a person can be exposed. It seems like torture. It is a game where the goal is to break you down so you become like a puppet in the hands of another person.The only way out is escape.
All the communication channels must be closed. Unless you are never free. We must also be willing to realize that there was no love from his side. We were only a remedy he used to get a better life. A remedy he used without qualms. This introspection will allow us to put the bad behind us. It takes time, the scars will be there probably for the rest of our lives. But we would come through it.
 
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Lellaji

Guest
Being trapped in a Rattery relationship is extremely damaging both for our self-esteem and our psyche. It starts out as the most beautiful romance becomes our biggest nightmare. It starts small. The application for a visa is too slow. There is no understanding that this is a long process. If the application does not go through so it must be you there must be something wrong with.
I've probably many with me when I say that we saw the signs early, but we refused to see them. Calls are only accusations. We become more and more degraded. Lacking night's sleep. For Rats are notoriously nocturnal one, and always most active at night. They shall surely not at work the next day, they can sleep in his rat's nest.
Doubts gnaw us day and night. We know what we have to do, but to make the final break is also scary.
B / c we went into the relationship with the right precondition. We went in with the heart.
But I think we all get to the point where we can not anymore. To the point where we realize that this relationship is a one-way relationship. We are alone. We are the ones to give but never get anything back.
The first days and weeks after the breakup is hard. We are full of doubt. What if he was real? Are all these doubts only in our head? We have read too many bad stories?
We check his FB, we check whether he is online on Viber. We sit with your phone and want to call. Pending perhaps basically of one word from him.
But as the days go so know an actual freedom. We can go to bed at night without being awakened by messages and painful conversations. We can go out when a wanna, do not always be available if he should find time to call. We do not have the constant pressure to send money, or the eternal obligation to submit.
To get out of this abusive relationship is a process. It takes a long time to be able to build up for months and years of abuse. Where one has lived under constant pressure. Give yourself time. For it would take time. Besnezz and marriage fraud is perhaps the worst psychological games a person can be exposed. It seems like torture. It is a game where the goal is to break you down so you become like a puppet in the hands of another person.The only way out is escape.
All the communication channels must be closed. Unless you are never free. We must also be willing to realize that there was no love from his side. We were only a remedy he used to get a better life. A remedy he used without qualms. This introspection will allow us to put the bad behind us. It takes time, the scars will be there probably for the rest of our lives. But we would come through it.
@Tiger really happy to know you and all what you say is so clear and true. its amazing that all of us, so fcking many, can relate and are hanging onto words and advices from others cuz surely how the hell did this happen to this many women?? because as you all of said and come to find out there is a BEZZNESS as you say. i would never in my life thought or heard of this but seeing it now, clearly and not just in Tunisia either, many many other countries, MOST arabic but it's been a longg business it seems and ever since this (in my opinion) god awful internet came about with all the networks and sites to meet people and now for god's sake even having affairs (Madison Ashley or whatever), too easy to HIDE behind the screen and those over there are DESPERATE and i love how you've compared them to rats and saying things like they are nocturnal , they dont sleep alot is so very very true, sneaking around at night or what have you. point is i had many thoughts since returning home in Jan. I had many of my own thoughts b/c i was observing his behavior and his being 'present' for me in this time and at first we were normal and then slowly less and less contact and me seeming upset b/c of this or that and him getting tired of waiting and frustrated, dead end there and of course deep down maybe he's guilty seeing me live better here and 'seeming' to have money and going places , smiling fun etc...i didnt pull away from him but i didnt play into his pity party or his temper tantrum , he got mad i guess thinking other things over here were 'more important' than me filing papers or at least trying to afford to file them. all the confusion and unknowns, doubts, questions, and in my case, EXCUSES as you said... its just so unfair cuz in the end i did nothing BUT LOVE HIM AND TAKE CARE OF HIM THE BEST I COULD FROM HERE and even i married him I STUCK BY HIM even times when i thought myself...hmmm is FOR REAL? hmm WHY ISNT HE CALLING? WHY CANT HE BE ONLINE? WHY CANT HE STAY LONGER ONLINE? WHY ALWAYS EXCUSES? WHY ASKING FOR MONEY? WHY CANT WE LIVE THERE? WHY WHY WHY and i still didnt end things, i couldnt bear to and I would have never thought to break his heart or crush his dreams, which were also MINE, im not a quitter and of course the bleeding heart i am genuinely CARED about his situation but when my stomach started telling me things werent seeming right or he wasnt acting in accordance with the way a husband should well of course i call him out on that and of course i want to get to the bottom of it but he doesnt want to give me time, he wants to give silent treatment, we barely see each other online he's holding grudges over things and totally going back on things we promised we'd never do or say so ...yes it's going to break things down not build it up but he let it go ok, he made the final break and said what he said and he cannot take those words back. I TRIED REACHING OUT, I TRIED TALKING ABOUT IT, I TRIED TO FORGET THE TIMES HE SHIT ON ME (even according to whats been done with alot of you here, is minor) but he stabbed me in the back!!!! and left me to bleed, i still cry uncontrollably thinking how cruel and RUDE he is during this time and nothing done properly but thru a fcking text?? REALLY ???? but sadly to say it's not the first time he did disappear, reappear and rethink..yes i was true @Tiger, and yes i feel big victim and yes maybe that feeling of desperately having to get him here and that all being all me, even tho i should feel relief, i mean as his last words said "look on the bright side, now you dont have to pay $400 and some for visa application"...do u know how hurtful that is? because it was never about the fucking money !! sure i could have come up with that money way faster and easier than him but that's not the point i talked very realisticallly about the odds that were against us, personally , in this visa process and also the cold hard facts of his own family, and support from my side we were ON OUR OWN and now i see so was I , ON MY OWN HERE, just being the fcking MAN here when all he did was talk his MANSHIT !! i love the word RATS and the similarities and puns you find in comparing the 2...i havent resorted to calling him a RAT but he is a most dispicable excuse for a husband and human being.
 
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Lellaji

Guest
View attachment 12025

@Lellaji , you say " it wasnt about the money..."
But for him it might have been.....
@stupidone565 im not SURE what it is but surely had something to do with not having applied for that VISA and sure he asked and took money from me, just cuz i wont say that he's a rat, doesnt mean he's not one, i would expect most here can spot the characteristics because someone like me, blinded by love, hadn't REALLY took notice. we all had 'signs' some were more obvious then others and as said here, some just PLAY it out longer, maybe his GUILT got a hold of him and just let me go rather than keep crying over that VISA since that's all he really wanted
 
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Lellaji

Guest
View attachment 12025

@Lellaji , you say " it wasnt about the money..."
But for him it might have been.....
@stupidone565 maybe you misunderstood me what i said about it not being about the money...from my side it wasnt about the money, meaning i would had done what i could and made it happen had he not whined and cried about it so much and made me feel guilty about it. MONEY MEANS SHIT TO ME , I DONT HAVE ANY ANYWAY and surely gave him whatever I could when I could. I didnt always give in to his whims. BUT whether or not he was after "MONEY" LOL WHAT MONEY I DONT HAVE SHIT, i can see how some men WOULD latch on to those women who have nice good paying secure jobs with lots of vacation time...Im sure he liked the money I sent him because getting made his life easier and more comfortable for the time being and no he didnt understand or even care about my own situation here, he would CLAIM to know my struggle but yet still ask.... but mostly i just saw him UNABLE to contribute at all financially and didnt try hard enough to save for it (IT being VISA application) and DESPERATE to get out of the hell hole where he lives..and IMO once ISIS started surfacing this year, maybe this made it even more apparent that I certainly couldnt be there or live there under the circumstances and he would have more of a hell of a time being approved to live here..again...all speculation
 

FoolInLove

Rat Expert
@stupidone565 im not SURE what it is but surely had something to do with not having applied for that VISA and sure he asked and took money from me, just cuz i wont say that he's a rat, doesnt mean he's not one, i would expect most here can spot the characteristics because someone like me, blinded by love, hadn't REALLY took notice. we all had 'signs' some were more obvious then others and as said here, some just PLAY it out longer, maybe his GUILT got a hold of him and just let me go rather than keep crying over that VISA since that's all he really wanted
This word is not in their dictionary!
 

stupidone565

Well-Known Member
Well, guess ISIS is also a good excuse for them now to get out of the country.
I would sure fell for that one (even Isis is there and everywhere for a long time already...)
But if not knowing about rats I would spend my money to get him out of there asap...
 

Tiger

Junior Rat Expert
There is one thing that is very important when you fight your way free from the rat.
STOP ASKING WHY. STOP TRYING TO FIND THE ANSWERE WHY HE DID WHAT HE DID, THE ANSWERE IS CLEAR AND UP IN THE DAY. THERE IS ONLY ONE ANSWER,
The answere is BEZNESS. And you have to do with a SOSIOPAT.
There is no comon sence in the behavior of serch a person.
- It is LACK OF EMPATHI
-It is LECK OF RESPECT
- It is LECK OF DESENTY
- It is LECK FEELINGS
.It is LECK OF LOVE.
The answere is that this bezness have been done by a criminal mind that do care shit about what you feel. He feel no guilt, no remorse,
Trying to analyce a sick mind like this will only drive you crazy.
Do like the cat when it shit! Turn your back and barry the shit and walk away
 

Peppermint

Junior Rat Expert
There is one thing that is very important when you fight your way free from the rat.
STOP ASKING WHY. STOP TRYING TO FIND THE ANSWERE WHY HE DID WHAT HE DID, THE ANSWERE IS CLEAR AND UP IN THE DAY. THERE IS ONLY ONE ANSWER,
The answere is BEZNESS. And you have to do with a SOSIOPAT.
There is no comon sence in the behavior of serch a person.
- It is LACK OF EMPATHI
-It is LECK OF RESPECT
- It is LECK OF DESENTY
- It is LECK FEELINGS
.It is LECK OF LOVE.
The answere is that this bezness have been done by a criminal mind that do care shit about what you feel. He feel no guilt, no remorse,
Trying to analyce a sick mind like this will only drive you crazy.
Do like the cat when it shit! Turn your back and barry the shit and walk away
Hahaha loving the cat analogy! Great post.
 
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Lellaji

Guest
Well, guess ISIS is also a good excuse for them now to get out of the country.
I would sure fell for that one (even Isis is there and everywhere for a long time already...)
But if not knowing about rats I would spend my money to get him out of there asap...
@stupidone565 he doesnt know shit #1 about what i was thinking or planning for us (there was alot going on with me personally here when he dropped off the radar and i needed him and i needed to tell him about what i thought and have to discuss things property but he didnt give the time to know what i was thinking, he was thinking already too much on his own and shutting me out (i could feel it) He just shut down and shut off and acted like i didnt notice or wouldnt say anything.. even i have my limits, but i never expected this and yes of course i care about his safety there and i would have liked to seen us already applied for this before the increase of terrorism but again even terrorism didnt make him want to stick with me in hopes of me getting me out.
 
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Lellaji

Guest
There is one thing that is very important when you fight your way free from the rat.
STOP ASKING WHY. STOP TRYING TO FIND THE ANSWERE WHY HE DID WHAT HE DID, THE ANSWERE IS CLEAR AND UP IN THE DAY. THERE IS ONLY ONE ANSWER,
The answere is BEZNESS. And you have to do with a SOSIOPAT.
There is no comon sence in the behavior of serch a person.
- It is LACK OF EMPATHI
-It is LECK OF RESPECT
- It is LECK OF DESENTY
- It is LECK FEELINGS
.It is LECK OF LOVE.
The answere is that this bezness have been done by a criminal mind that do care shit about what you feel. He feel no guilt, no remorse,
Trying to analyce a sick mind like this will only drive you crazy.
Do like the cat when it shit! Turn your back and barry the shit and walk away
@Tiger you are convincing me more and more :oops::(
 

stupidone565

Well-Known Member
@stupidone565 he doesnt know shit #1 about what i was thinking or planning for us (there was alot going on with me personally here when he dropped off the radar and i needed him and i needed to tell him about what i thought and have to discuss things property but he didnt give the time to know what i was thinking, he was thinking already too much on his own and shutting me out (i could feel it) He just shut down and shut off and acted like i didnt notice or wouldnt say anything.. even i have my limits, but i never expected this and yes of course i care about his safety there and i would have liked to seen us already applied for this before the increase of terrorism but again even terrorism didnt make him want to stick with me in hopes of me getting me out.
The hard truth is.....he just dont care.
Whatever you were planning, .....giving it time or no time, ....you needing him....He dont care about all that stuff.
No visa bye.
 
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WitchHazel

Guest
They are like honey badgers. They prey on us and won't stop until they decide they won't get their way. At that point, every foul and hateful word will come out of their mouth for you. Drop off the face of the earth and stay off of the damn Internet. This is their playground. They have almost perfected their seduction and devious ways. Let them stay in their dump of a country and toss off to porn and their moms making dinner for them for the rest of their lives.
 

Sandra

Well-Known Member
Being trapped in a Rattery relationship is extremely damaging both for our self-esteem and our psyche. It starts out as the most beautiful romance becomes our biggest nightmare. It starts small. The application for a visa is too slow. There is no understanding that this is a long process. If the application does not go through so it must be you there must be something wrong with.
I've probably many with me when I say that we saw the signs early, but we refused to see them. Calls are only accusations. We become more and more degraded. Lacking night's sleep. For Rats are notoriously nocturnal one, and always most active at night. They shall surely not at work the next day, they can sleep in his rat's nest.
Doubts gnaw us day and night. We know what we have to do, but to make the final break is also scary.
B / c we went into the relationship with the right precondition. We went in with the heart.
But I think we all get to the point where we can not anymore. To the point where we realize that this relationship is a one-way relationship. We are alone. We are the ones to give but never get anything back.
The first days and weeks after the breakup is hard. We are full of doubt. What if he was real? Are all these doubts only in our head? We have read too many bad stories?
We check his FB, we check whether he is online on Viber. We sit with your phone and want to call. Pending perhaps basically of one word from him.
But as the days go so know an actual freedom. We can go to bed at night without being awakened by messages and painful conversations. We can go out when a wanna, do not always be available if he should find time to call. We do not have the constant pressure to send money, or the eternal obligation to submit.
To get out of this abusive relationship is a process. It takes a long time to be able to build up for months and years of abuse. Where one has lived under constant pressure. Give yourself time. For it would take time. Besnezz and marriage fraud is perhaps the worst psychological games a person can be exposed. It seems like torture. It is a game where the goal is to break you down so you become like a puppet in the hands of another person.The only way out is escape.
All the communication channels must be closed. Unless you are never free. We must also be willing to realize that there was no love from his side. We were only a remedy he used to get a better life. A remedy he used without qualms. This introspection will allow us to put the bad behind us. It takes time, the scars will be there probably for the rest of our lives. But we would come through it.
Very good words..the best.
 

Josy

Active Member
In einer Rattery-Beziehung gefangen zu sein, ist sowohl für unser Selbstwertgefühl als auch für unsere Psyche äußerst schädlich. Es beginnt damit, dass die schönste Romanze unser größter Albtraum wird. Es fängt klein an. Die Beantragung eines Visums ist zu langsam. Es gibt kein Verständnis dafür, dass dies ein langer Prozess ist. Wenn die Anwendung nicht funktioniert, müssen Sie es sein, mit der etwas nicht stimmt.
Ich habe wahrscheinlich viele bei mir, wenn ich sage, dass wir die Zeichen früh gesehen haben, aber wir haben uns geweigert, sie zu sehen. Anrufe sind nur Vorwürfe. Wir werden immer schlechter. Mangelnde Nachtruhe. Denn Ratten sind notorisch nachtaktiv und nachts immer am aktivsten. Sie sollen am nächsten Tag sicher nicht arbeiten, sie können im Nest seiner Ratte schlafen.
Zweifel nagen uns Tag und Nacht. Wir wissen, was wir tun müssen, aber die letzte Pause zu machen, ist auch beängstigend.
B / c gingen wir in die Beziehung mit der richtigen Voraussetzung. Wir gingen mit dem Herzen hinein.
Aber ich denke, wir kommen alle an einen Punkt, an dem wir nicht mehr können. Bis zu dem Punkt, an dem wir erkennen, dass diese Beziehung eine Einbahnstraße ist. Wir sind allein. Wir sind diejenigen, die geben, aber niemals etwas zurückbekommen.
Die ersten Tage und Wochen nach der Trennung sind hart. Wir sind voller Zweifel. Was wäre, wenn er real wäre? Sind all diese Zweifel nur in unserem Kopf? Wir haben zu viele schlechte Geschichten gelesen?
Wir überprüfen seine FB, wir überprüfen, ob er auf Viber online ist. Wir sitzen mit Ihrem Telefon und möchten anrufen. Warten vielleicht im Grunde auf ein Wort von ihm.
Aber wie die Tage vergehen, so kennen Sie eine tatsächliche Freiheit. Wir können nachts ins Bett gehen, ohne von Nachrichten und schmerzhaften Gesprächen geweckt zu werden. Wir können ausgehen, wenn ein Wanna, nicht immer verfügbar sein, wenn er Zeit finden sollte, um anzurufen. Wir haben weder den ständigen Druck, Geld zu senden, noch die ewige Verpflichtung, uns zu unterwerfen.
Aus dieser missbräuchlichen Beziehung herauszukommen ist ein Prozess. Es dauert lange, bis sich Monate und Jahre des Missbrauchs aufgebaut haben. Wo man unter ständigem Druck gelebt hat. Gib dir zeit Denn es würde Zeit brauchen. Besnezz und Ehebetrug sind vielleicht die schlimmsten psychologischen Spiele, denen eine Person ausgesetzt sein kann. Es scheint wie Folter. Es ist ein Spiel, in dem es das Ziel ist, dich zu zerstören, damit du wie eine Marionette in den Händen einer anderen Person wirst. Der einzige Ausweg ist die Flucht.
Alle Kommunikationskanäle müssen geschlossen sein. Es sei denn, Sie sind nie frei. Wir müssen auch bereit sein zu erkennen, dass es keine Liebe von seiner Seite gab. Wir waren nur ein Mittel, mit dem er ein besseres Leben hatte. Ein Mittel, das er ohne Bedenken verwendete. Diese Selbstbeobachtung wird es uns ermöglichen, das Böse hinter uns zu lassen. Es braucht Zeit, die Narben werden wahrscheinlich für den Rest unseres Lebens da sein. Aber wir würden es schaffen.
It's like a knitting pattern. Everything is similar.
 
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