The yardstick : How would a Tunisian man conduct a relationship with a Tunisian woman?

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Ariel

Guest
Our views of relationships, courtship, marriage and even love itself are invariably influenced and shaped by our culture, societal and family norms/values as well as our own personal experiences. It can therefore be very difficult to truly 'see' our relationships when we are not aware of that which would be the 'norm' for a partner from a particular country and culture. We often see how limited knowledge and awareness of that which would be 'normal' in Tunisia has left non-Tunisian women very open to manipulation/exploitation by rats - perhaps the most obvious and common being around financial support. Please use this thread to share your knowledge, understanding and experiences of how relationships and marriages are typically conducted in Tunisia, gender-based expectations and, in particular, things that would be frowned upon, uncommon or completely unacceptable. Clearly there may be regional variations, and maybe even differences within individual families, but there will be more commonalities than differences. Fire away ...:D
 
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marylou

Guest
I know when a tunisaian man is in a realationship with a tunisian woman he will show great respect for her and want to take care of her never will he ask /beg/cry for money/ steal from her / or just use her for what he can get ..... They know there own woaman very well and she would not tolerate this from her men.. He nows he must provide for her not the other way round....Then when there ready to be married he will be the one who pays for every thing and he will be able to show he can take care and look after hi wife to be .... so thats where i think there is some difference and i know theres lots more so how they are with tourist woman is nothing like how they would be with there own woman.
 

kati3366

Well-Known Member
Most of marriages in Tunisia are planned by the parents of the couple.
Normally they know the other family well and wants to get some advantage by marriage.
A friend of mine should marry a young tunisian woman to take care for his old parents.
The family of the young woman wanted to have one person less because survive hard in
their part of the country.
So the parents decided marriage. The young man should continue work in hotel in Djerba
to send money to his family. And his young wife should take care for HIS parents far away
in a small village next ot lybian frontier.
And every year they should meet each other 2 or 3 times and perhaps soon get children.

Unfortunatly he lost work. So nobody earn money and the family of the young woman
decided to search other husband for her.

Sorry if this story is a bit long. But it shows very good what marriage means in arabic world.
Not very often tunisian men or women marry because of love. That's imagination of
european world.
If a Tunisisan marries a woman he wants to have advantage. And if the woman has a
lot of luck he also has some feelings and respect her as he would do with a tunisian girl.
 
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NetNiet

Guest
The hughe age cap which seem to be very common in relationships between Tunisian men and European women are not common at al in Tunisian relationships.
So when the Tunisian boyfriend say, age is not important in love and the European women say she looks much younger than her age.....is all blah blah blah

Sleeping unmarried together when 1 person has Tunisian nationality is forbidden by law.
It's also not following the Islam religion.
So when the family from your boyfriend let you stay in their house together during holiday, they don't respect you at all and you will also not be respected because you should know it's not done.

Walking hand in hand and kissing in public is also not done and if they respect you they wouldn't do it.
Allthough they tell you that it's OK because it's a Tourist place and he's modern, that is also....blah blah blah

If a Tunisian person has a financial problem or has to buy something like medicins and he has no money himself, all the family and friends will step in to help, that is how it works here. Even a friend who only have 20 dinars left and still 10 days to go to his next pay check, he will give his last 20 dinars to his friend who need it. Why? Because they hope that if they are in a situation like that, they will be helped aswell and people only do that when you help other people aswell.
So stories about a family member who is ill and he needs money to cover the costs, is also blah blah blah.
Most off them have insurance, they pay for it or they get it free. Medicins have to be paid but are really cheap comparing to Europe.
Private clinics cost more, but when a family has no or less money, they will allways go to the cheap general hospital, never to a private clinic.
And since the revolution there are tru the whole country a lot of Militairy doctors posts where people can go free of charge!
 

Laurence

Senior Rat Expert
Tunisian men living already in Europe or the US do have far better chances on the wedding market than their fellow brothers who never left their country (unless they belong to a very famous and rich family). Because earning a living, no matter how, on another continent means the man does have lots of money, so he can afford a house, a car, expensive presents for his woman and her family. He will also be able to pay a famous wedding party and he will take his bride abroad, which means her family will get better of it as well. So brides to be line up for such a man looking for a woman to get married...
 

Bella

Google Queen
Can you make this one of those threads that stay at the top of the forums so don't get lost along the way? (sticky???) ...
 
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Ariel

Guest
haha you have the power TS ... i'm sure you can work it out xx
But I don't!!! Somehow my moderator buttons don't work :( But, shhhhhhhhh - don't tell everyone in case they start misbehaving :D
 

kati3366

Well-Known Member
There is another important thing when a relationship starts:

A tunisian woman will NEVER pay anything for a tunisian man.
Not even a cup of coffee or tea.
Even if she is working and earning money herself, the man pays for the family and she spend
her money for the nice things a woman wants to get.

It's our view for "emanzipation" which let european women pay the coffee, the appartment,
the I-Phone and so on and so on.
And so the tunisian guys enjoy the generousity of european women but they often can't respect them.
Because their behaviour is so unusual for a respectable woman ;-).

The tunisian man is the one who must take care for the family and pay everything . Equal how to do it.
 
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Galadriel

Guest
Today Tunisian women do choose their partners with lots of necessary criteria, job, prospects, property, good family etc. She will also need funds for her wedding. The grooms family normally provide a week of celebrations, food, music etc. He will also have good accomodation within his family home or his own property. A modern Tunisian woman will not put up with anything less than what she has decided on for her life. A country/ more traditional woman will idolize her husband but his family will treat her very well especially when children come along. I wouldn`t have minded having my children there, everyone joins in looking after them. I also am in awe of women in middle age just overseeing the house hold with the younger family members doing all the graft. Would suit me perfectly lol. Just a few differences that I personally see with close friends of several years and people around them.
 
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marylou

Guest
Good idea! In theory I should be able to...in practice I might not hahaha :D If I can't I will ask a woman who can ;)
come on tunisiasun we know you can do it ;) ur like our own wonder woman bet them on the T.com aint got one like ours :D
 
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marilyna

Guest
Just to reinforce that if the Tunisian man says it is okay for you to stay in his home, because you are not Tunisian, and his mother does not mind, it is unacceptable. I challenged my rat, and said would he do the same with a Tunisian woman and the answer was a big Fat no, but his excuse was I was not Tunisian, so it was different. Of course I never stayed there.
 

Bella

Google Queen
Just to reinforce that if the Tunisian man says it is okay for you to stay in his home, because you are not Tunisian, and his mother does not mind, it is unacceptable. I challenged my rat, and said would he do the same with a Tunisian woman and the answer was a big Fat no, but his excuse was I was not Tunisian, so it was different. Of course I never stayed there.
Yes, couldn't agree more ... i come from a catholic family, and my parents would never, even at my age (18 ;))allow me to sleep in the same bed as a guy under her roof unless we were married .... no matter who it was .... and we aint strong regular church going people... so if some families in tunisia say its ok because you aint tunisian then be concerned because they normally take their religion far more seriously than my family......... and to bend the rules like that cos you aint tunisian just aint "right"
 
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Ariel

Guest
come on tunisiasun we know you can do it ;) ur like our own wonder woman bet them on the T.com aint got one like ours :D
LOL :D - I swear, we have gremlins on site - Tigerlil and I have to share buttons. I can only do very drastic things like ban - but she can delete and edit stuff. She is my other half :D
 
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marilyna

Guest
Yes, couldn't agree more ... i come from a catholic family, and my parents would never, even at my age (18 ;))allow me to sleep in the same bed as a guy under her roof unless we were married .... no matter who it was .... and we aint strong regular church going people... so if some families in tunisia say its ok because you aint tunisian then be concerned because they normally take their religion far more seriously than my family......... and to bend the rules like that cos you aint tunisian just aint "right"
Same here, at my age, old enough to be a mother now;) I still can't take a man home to my mothers, and sleep with him there. I would not dare unless I was married.
 

Bella

Google Queen
Same here, at my age, old enough to be a mother now;) I still can't take a man home to my mothers, and sleep with him there. I would not dare unless I was married.
It's insane, but that's how it is and i respect it (reluctantly lol) ..
 
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marilyna

Guest
It's insane, but that's how it is and i respect it (reluctantly lol) ..
Yup all those catechism lessons, and getting frogmarched to confession has left its mark. That is why I am now a lapsed Catholic, and my mother wonders why, but I will respect her rules, in her house.
 

Bella

Google Queen
Yup all those catechism lessons, and getting frogmarched to confession has left its mark. That is why I am now a lapsed Catholic, and my mother wonders why, but I will respect her rules, in her house.
Lol yeah, i was brought up goin to church on a sunday... (my mother doesnt go anymore now) .. lapsed lol, yeah i guess i am too... altho, strangely, i found myself gettin pretty defensive when i would chat to M about religion and he would slate it ....
 
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marilyna

Guest
Lol yeah, i was brought up goin to church on a sunday... (my mother doesnt go anymore now) .. lapsed lol, yeah i guess i am too... altho, strangely, i found myself gettin pretty defensive when i would chat to M about religion and he would slate it ....
They got into your head too, one thing they are good at.
 
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