The yardstick : How would a Tunisian man conduct a relationship with a Tunisian woman?

Lellaji

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Sorry English is not my first language, but enforced is meaning by law isn't it?
Because it's by law forbidden here in Tunisia, that is why they can go to prison, otherwise that wouldn't be possible aswell.
But I'm 100% sure that it's forbidden by law, the person who told you it's not, he is lying, because every Tunisian person knows that.

And asking a woman for money, doesn't matter which Nationality, it's totally not done!

@NetNiet :rolleyes:
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
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Hon.. have a break.... I know it is hard,, and I feel for you.... but really you are going to exhaust yourself... pleae try and get some sleep.. or .. take yourself out.. sometimes... there is no answers and the more you search.. the less answers you find.. as you know it already... all will be clear for you.. but unfortunately it takes the time... take things slowly.. I feel your pain.. but there is no answers and the only sense to be found in your situation is the one that you have determined for yourself.. take care.. hope you find clarity..
 

Lellaji

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Like Marilyna already did wright, hotels did change after the Revolution. Because not only the Tunisian person will go to prison, but also the hotel has to pay a lot of money and will loose license after 3 times I think it was, they will not take that risc offcourse.

And because it happends, will not say that it's allowed by law. For excample I cross sometimes the street when the lights are red, I see a lot of other people doing that....but it's still forbidden by law;)

Here in Tunisia there are also a lot of things which are not forbidden by law, but you don't do that, when you have respect for your girlfriend and your family. You see here in the tourist places for excample mixed couples walking hand in hand, kissing in public or at the airport kissing hello and goodbeye, that is here so not done and when they do, you immidiatly you know he doesn't respect his girlfriend, just want something else than love.......
If they really respect you as a girlfriend they will explain to you that they will not kiss and hug you at the airport where everyone can see it.

Personally I don't mind at all waiting at the airport, watching what is going on, it's like a movie only without popcorn! LOL
When my husband is with me, than it's double fun for me (LOL not for my husband), because with a little bit time he's getting annoyed about the "rats" who are kissing and hugging at the airport and there are allways other Tunisian people who speak about it, so they are talking a little bit together why it's not done and not respectfull.
Sometimes the "rat" will say something because he knows, he feels that they are speaking about him and when the "rat" say something he mostly say it to my husband because he has got a European woman with him aswell, so the "rat" will think my husband is the same and ask than things like do you already have the visa papers? Than.....my husband get more annoyed! LOL
@NetNiet all i can say is that my husband would definitely hold my hand in public places, and even we were on the beach, i was in a modest swim suit in front of his parents....they seemed very liberal to me, and i wouldnt had done that if he insisted i didnt...he also would give me hugs mostlly but good bye kiss definitely in the airport IM SORRY BUT I DONT SEE THE HARM IN THIS nor do i feel he doesnt respect me b/c he does this...i will miss him, could be the last time i see him for petes sake !! anyways i know what the NORM is there and with MOST people but times are changing...but mostly we did not display open affection, no, but holdiing hands yes in alot of situations but not all. and im fine to respect their culture , religion 100% no matter how different from mine...i like it better how they behave but dont think we are slopping all over each other either, no way, no how...still after what he's done, i cant believe anything anymore, i cant even think he had any love or respect for me as he has left me the way he has and over the subject that 'caused' him to leave
 

Laurence

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Lellaji, please understand that you were oonly means to an end (money, visa) for this man, he played whatever role needed to get to his aims...
When he thought that it would take too long and that there was no big money to get, he just showed his real face...
Very possible that he found another victim already...
 

Lellaji

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Lellaji, please understand that you were oonly means to an end (money, visa) for this man, he played whatever role needed to get to his aims...
When he thought that it would take too long and that there was no big money to get, he just showed his real face...
Very possible that he found another victim already...
@Laurence even so you think that makes me feel better b/c i know that? maybe you all have had more time to let your things process....i told you i m a mess so i thought this would be a place i could be myself ...i am not convinced of anything, i dont believe anything and i dont know anything...just living in the dark and as i said 2x now...so im really finished with this life
 

Heidi

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@Lellaji
what Laurence wrote is the truth and the truth hurts sometime :


please understand that you were only means to an end (money, visa) for this man, he played whatever role needed to get to his aims...
When he thought that it would take too long and that there was no big money to get, he just showed his real face...
Very possible that he found another victim already...



 

MH007

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@NetNiet as most things in my life, i got slighted on all the traditional days worth celebration an gifts. we did have a legal ceremony at court house..all arrangements were made for me and i felt as tho they did their best...i never had money either, so of course im not thinking of paying for my own wedding, however, if their was a better plan and some time to save, surely i would have done more to make it more the way that would have been satifying to me....i was dressed very traditionally but in my sister's clothing..and that's just how i am , i am not superficial at all or materialistic and i just always accepted what was provided, what was given, what was afforded, which wasnt much and sorry that i do and have felt slighted not just now in my current marriage with our wedding but also with the ex moroccan..sorry but im so over the sob story about how poor and they dont have money ..i have always been grateful for what they could offer me and if it was nothing than i accepted that but I PAID FOR EVERYTHING OK even the gas bringing me from the airport and back which is an 8hour car ride ok.......(tataouine in in far south I think too)
Woah NetNiet was banned years ago?!?! @Lellaji you are grasping at straws - we have spent many hours with you but now you must take your own path - good luck and see you on the other side.
 

CUDDLE

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Lellaji
Please do NOT say this life for you is over :mad: That comment is disrespectful to all that love yo but esp your children.....Show them the love and respect you are saying about was absent from the RAT towards you.....

Face this fact Lellaji ...your husband used you end of story ..NO if's no buts just plain and simple facts...

It is sad it hurts like hell,,,we know it does but life goes on..In fact life gets better and better post RAT trust me...

I did touch upon this point before with you and you have confirmed my thinking..that you are very drawn to Muslim men for some unknown reason...They are NOT going to solve your problems...forget what you think you know it is NOT like the movies...where has the fixation come from?

Listen hun this life is up to you...You have a responsibility though to lead by example so as your daughters will NOT suffer one bad relationship after another when they are young adults seeking their own boyfriends etc...

You need time on your OWN now without ANY man to rebuild and recover it is the only way for you ...

Take Care but do not wallow in this for too long...you have a future waiting to be written ..Make it a good one..
Cuddle xx
 

WitchHazel

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Oct 23, 2014
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OMG - This thread kills me. When I stayed with my ex-rat - we stayed in his family's home - however they live in another place and he just lives there. He also told me that it was unacceptable for a Tunisian woman to even enter the home of another man alone - let alone sleep there with her. He also told me that because I wasn't from there and not Tunisian - that I was exempt from this rule. All his neighbors and the whole town saw me and knew that I stayed with him. So they were all laughing and disrespecting me? Is its against Islam - why do the men get a pass?
 

Lellaji

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OMG - This thread kills me. When I stayed with my ex-rat - we stayed in his family's home - however they live in another place and he just lives there. He also told me that it was unacceptable for a Tunisian woman to even enter the home of another man alone - let alone sleep there with her. He also told me that because I wasn't from there and not Tunisian - that I was exempt from this rule. All his neighbors and the whole town saw me and knew that I stayed with him. So they were all laughing and disrespecting me? Is its against Islam - why do the men get a pass?
@WitchHazel in both situations with maroc and tunisie i had approached the men the same way...knowing alot already about their religion and culture and society "are you sure it' ok with ur parents? they wont think less of me? what about the community?
well tunisia is different even than maroc, my husband's 'hood' as he calls it is mostly ALL HIS FAMILY WHO ALL MARRIED THEIR OWN COUSINS ok but oh he wasnt going that route and you tell me IF THESE MEN WHO SO VOW TO LOVE AND RESPECT, OF ALL PEOPLE, THEIR MOTHERS, AS THEY SAY THEY DO, HOW CAN THEY BRING ANY WOMAN, REGARDLESS OF NATIONALITY OR RELIGION, INTO THE HOME TO SLEEP WITH THEM BEFORE MARRIAGE? I WAS IN THIS SITUATION 2X OK AND I FELT WEIRD FOR A WHILE AND THEN THEY ALL ACTED FINE WITH IT B/C I WAS TO BE "THE WIFE" SO INTENTIONS WERE GOOD AND YOU KNOW I FELT ALL SURE OF MYSELF AND FINE AND WHO KNOWS WHAT WAS NOW SAID BEHIND MY BACK...all i feel now is my husband must feel ashamed in eyes of his friends and people there b/c after almost 2 years marriage he still sitting in Tunisia with no visa application applied for yet...and im sure they all patting his back when he told them i was first coming and then agreed to marry...now to see that the american woman cant or wont afford him to come or he's not worthy...well honestly from what i ve seen he's not worthy ofme taking another risk to bring immigrant here, after being burned and the only reason i feel now that the parents and the family agree is b/c IT"S FOR THE VISA ok....then do what you want,, i mean i dont see any respect toward his family or toward me allowing me to be in the home and we having sex and playing togethr...married ok maybe, unmarried NO but tunisian husband insisted YOU ARE PART OF FAMILY, I NEED THE FAMILY TO KNOW ACCEPT AND LOVE YOU AND YOU WILL STAY WITH US, I FELT GOOD YOU KNOW, I MET EVERYONE
EVERYONEEEEEEEEE THAT'S WHY NOW I WONDER WHAT HES TOLD THEM
HE WOULD ALWAYS SAY MY FAMILY LOVES YOU MORE THAN ME, IF WE HAD ARGUMENT OR HE UPSET ME THE FAMILY WOULD JUMP ALL OVER HIM AND HED BE MAD SAYING EVERYONE HERE LOVES YOU SOO SO MUCH ...WELL I DON T KNOW, AGAIN THEY ONLY LOVE ME FOR AS MUCH AS I GIVE CUZ WHAT EVER SHIT HE TALKING ABOUT ME, ABOUT US NOW IHAVE NO IDEA BUT IM SURE IT'S NOT TO MAKE HIM LOOK BAD
 

Lellaji

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791
I'm good thanks hunni - been working in London this week but home now thank god lol, too many people and too much alcohol!!

Xxxx
@MH007 where do you live? london wow i never been to europe,, yet...only in flights i been everywhere :sneaky:
 

Lellaji

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Jul 28, 2015
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791
you see how nosey i am
i always have million questions but my father and teacher told me this was a sign of GREAT INTELLIGENCE

that's why nothing really gets past me
even if it does get past, the instincts have already kicked in
being so far away and limited with resources
im not playing FBI and detective
im surprised at him tho really as he professed to never do anything against GOD for fear of punishment
i.e.
cheating
stealing
lying
and not being accountable or responsible for your wife
you have no idea how he talked about our child and about me being the mother and oh my god
i got to start
my heart cant take it
crying again
 

black_angel

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Dec 16, 2014
Messages
520
OMG - This thread kills me. When I stayed with my ex-rat - we stayed in his family's home - however they live in another place and he just lives there. He also told me that it was unacceptable for a Tunisian woman to even enter the home of another man alone - let alone sleep there with her. He also told me that because I wasn't from there and not Tunisian - that I was exempt from this rule. All his neighbors and the whole town saw me and knew that I stayed with him. So they were all laughing and disrespecting me? Is its against Islam - why do the men get a pass?
it depends on how do they interpret their religion... cause sometimes I feel like all the muslims would think we are not humans being, like we are worse than them so they think they have a full right to disrespect and use us... sad but i think thats the way it is.
 

Peppermint

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Jul 24, 2015
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255
it depends on how do they interpret their religion... cause sometimes I feel like all the muslims would think we are not humans being, like we are worse than them so they think they have a full right to disrespect and use us... sad but i think thats the way it is.
I know it's easy to feel this way and understandably so, but it's also important not to generalise. I was once Muslim and I always maintained the belief that all human beings are equal no matter what. I was taught to respect everybody, regardless of their religion, gender, sexuality, race, age etc. Having said this, I have also witnessed a lot of disgusting behaviour from so-called Muslims...unfortunately from my own family. Religion and culture are deeply intertwined. It's difficult if not impossible to separate the two. And although Muslims across the world vary in their approaches to life and interpretations of Islam, there are of course many many similarities. It's sad to say but many men from this religion do indeed believe that they are superior to women as well as everyone else on this earth. The hypocrisy of it all is just ridiculous. They preach that they are 'good' Muslims yet they are ready to critique anyone that walks in front of them. They do as they please. For some reason they are exempt from the rules of their own religion. They bend and twist the so-called 'rules' when it suits them. I was born and brought up in The UK but come from a country that it somewhat similar to Tunisia. Not only do many Muslims think that they are superior to non-Muslims, but they also believe that they are superior to each other!!! A lot of them genuinely believe that they are 'better' than their next door neighbours. It's all about keeping up appearances and showing off what you have. Image is everything. But don't be fooled, the image that is presented to everyone on the outside is very different from what takes place behind closed doors. Many of these people are fake, materialistic, phoney. They will stab anyone in the back and talk badly about others. I don't believe that all Muslims are like this. But from my own experiences, I do believe that many people claiming to belong to this religion are extremely hypocritical and twisted in their way of thinking.
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
Joined
Oct 26, 2010
Messages
3,820
I know it's easy to feel this way and understandably so, but it's also important not to generalise. I was once Muslim and I always maintained the belief that all human beings are equal no matter what. I was taught to respect everybody, regardless of their religion, gender, sexuality, race, age etc. Having said this, I have also witnessed a lot of disgusting behaviour from so-called Muslims...unfortunately from my own family. Religion and culture are deeply intertwined. It's difficult if not impossible to separate the two. And although Muslims across the world vary in their approaches to life and interpretations of Islam, there are of course many many similarities. It's sad to say but many men from this religion do indeed believe that they are superior to women as well as everyone else on this earth. The hypocrisy of it all is just ridiculous. They preach that they are 'good' Muslims yet they are ready to critique anyone that walks in front of them. They do as they please. For some reason they are exempt from the rules of their own religion. They bend and twist the so-called 'rules' when it suits them. I was born and brought up in The UK but come from a country that it somewhat similar to Tunisia. Not only do many Muslims think that they are superior to non-Muslims, but they also believe that they are superior to each other!!! A lot of them genuinely believe that they are 'better' than their next door neighbours. It's all about keeping up appearances and showing off what you have. Image is everything. But don't be fooled, the image that is presented to everyone on the outside is very different from what takes place behind closed doors. Many of these people are fake, materialistic, phoney. They will stab anyone in the back and talk badly about others. I don't believe that all Muslims are like this. But from my own experiences, I do believe that many people claiming to belong to this religion are extremely hypocritical and twisted in their way of thinking.
very true post... impossible to understand these people....
 

stupidone565

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Jul 30, 2015
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302
View attachment 11769

Yes my lovely I am very fortunate I live right on the coast - this is my view.....

*Edit* - yes South coast of England....
Wow, nice @MH007 !!
I think its best for all of us to spend the next holiday at your place!
Sun, beach and we all be safe.
And then @kee kee can cook for us, if she wants,for the "all inclusive" feeling! :^)

This is my wonderfull view:
 
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