The yardstick : How would a Tunisian man conduct a relationship with a Tunisian woman?

Discussion in 'Rat Behavior' started by Ariel, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. American-Tunisian friends

    American-Tunisian friends Member

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    Already on that. Lol
     
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  2. American-Tunisian friends

    American-Tunisian friends Member

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    Yes I am aware. He and his family made sure to tell me that I would need to be sure my employer approves a full weeks vacation so that we may have a proper wedding.
     
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  3. American-Tunisian friends

    American-Tunisian friends Member

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    Everyone before I forget I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for all the information you have provided so far. It is greatly appreciated.
     
  4. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    I have just a few questions
    Do you have much age difference? Are you still of child bearing age?
    Have you both met in person?

    It seems that you dont really know much about tunisian culture and believe me it comes a hell of a shock .
    To be married to a tunisian is hard work and requires alot of mutual understanding and alot of give and take.
    In a tunisian wedding the minimum number of days is 3 .
    It consists of you will have a pamper day with food and his entire female family will go with you to the hammam.
    He will also have the same type of party with males only .
    Then comes ' the feast' you will wear your first wedding dress and is usually held outside in a big marquee.
    A singer and dj will also be there and 100s come to this.
    Usually 2/3 sheep are slaughtered for this with some chickens and sometimes cows.
    The last day is where you will sign the marraige contract.
    Tunisians marry in the evening generally so all that day will be spent for you getting ready with his female family .
    The groom will then come to collect you with the mother and you all go together to the beladiya .
    Then the party starts again with traditional music .
    Like all little girls growing up they dream how their wedding will be
    This is how all tunisian women and men have theirs. If he is willing to just have one day then this is a red flag and i cannot stress enough that you do not pay for anything. Nothing at all. It is not about helping him its about he has a duty as a man to pay for it all
     
  5. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    A wedding is a three to seven day extravaganza, it includes henna nights, a sacrificial sheep, gifts of gold for the wife and her family, a wedding reception with a photographer, a band.....and every tacky table and room embellishment you can dream of.
    They are of an amazing atmosphere no expense is spared.
    The bride and groom sit on thrones placed on a stage, with a basket beside them for cash gifts.
    I have been to so many weddings....they were pretty much all the same, bar one poor family in the village, who had an October wedding, as they couldn't afford to get married in the traditional summer wedding season.
    The groom pays all....no ifs and buts.....he pays.
     
  6. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Haha, we posted together again, GFTL :D
    Just want to highlight this section....HE PAYS!!!
    Can you imagine only being given one day? :eek::D
     
  7. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    @American-Tunisian friends, if you have time, please do have a read of this:

    https://www.tunisia-love.com

    You will see titles of other pages to the side or at the bottom....please read those too.....it's really important that you walk in with your eyes wide open :)

    I wish you well with your recovery from surgery :)
     
  8. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    Hahaha yes we did.
    Wedding is a major thing with months of planning and he has to provide this.
    No such thing as a quick wedding there or marrying quickly he has to save up for all of it.
     
  9. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Fireworks!!!
    We forget to mention the extravagant fireworks display! :eek:
    I saw that many fireworks every night during the May to September wedding season.....I became completely unimpressed.....but I always used to luuuuurve fireworks. Too much of a good thing became dull :thumbsup:
     
  10. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Tunisian Wedding near Sousse - Tunisian Groom weds a British Bride in April 2010



    Comment:

    Unbenannt.JPGvbgf.JPG

    Translation please :)







     
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  11. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Eeeeew, that weird noise again.....memories :D
     
  12. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    It's quite sad to see the bride sat there with no clue what they are saying, no clue what she's agreed to and no clue what she's signed.
    Learning the language is a must, if they are not willing to marry with both languages spoken.
    I have no idea what those words say.....but just seeing the word "visa" written at the end is enough for me :Evil:
     
  13. American-Tunisian friends

    American-Tunisian friends Member

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    I will read those. And thank you
     
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  14. Epiphany

    Epiphany Well-Known Member

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    That cackling...they do that in Turkey too no? what does it mean?
     
  15. American-Tunisian friends

    American-Tunisian friends Member

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    Yes I am aware of this. As an American of course I am ok with one day only but when I told him this he was offended. I explained to him that in America we don’t do all of that but I care about him and his family and I don’t wish be bring them shame.

    I am also starting to take proper Arabic classes so that I can communicate with his family better. He is also trying to learn Spanish to be able to communicate with my family although I told him it wasn’t necessary. My family speaks English. He said he wants our children to learn both cultures, but I want our children to be Muslim so does he.

    I am of child barring age still just in my culture it is not so good for a women to be 2 years older. I was scheduled to go to Tunisia this past month in January but with my surgery I had to cancel my trip. So for now everything has been postponed.

    Including the traditional engagement celebration. I was a bit upset but unfortunately there wasn’t anything I can do in respects to my emergency surgery he tells me that my health is very important so it does not bother him that we have to postpone everything.
     
  16. American-Tunisian friends

    American-Tunisian friends Member

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    Yes I am aware. In my culture it’s no big deal but in his it is.
     
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  17. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    You need to learn Tunisian dialect, ATF (your name is too long :D ).....it's the language they use to communicate with each other.
    It is not an official language, so online tools are virtually non existent, but standard Arabic will be of little help, as they do not speak that hardly ever.

    There are some videos on YouTube that will help with dialect, plus there is a group on FB that can help you, as the pronunciation is often very different from the actual look of the word, plus they substitute some letters with numbers.
    To communicate with all in Tunisia, you need the dialect, not standard Arabic.
    Standard Arabic and French are great to communicate out and about, or even with the family, but if you are not part of a conversation, they will speak dialect.

    I had a good understanding of the dialect by ear.....but they didn't realise how much I understood, as my spoken and written dialect were poor (due to accent and writing them down phonetically).....unfortunately for them....I heard a lot of stuff that was not meant for my ears.

    Right now, Latin Americans and Russians seem to be the chosen target, so please.....tread very carefully :)
    My rat did not ask me for money or gifts....he was primarily a visa hunter. These rats come in many guises, so take good care of you and watch closely for red flags.

    I'm going to give you two links, you need only read the first three posts on the visa hunting thread, and the first post on the first time here thread, but having that knowledge will ensure you know the signs to look for.

    Back in a mo.....
     
  18. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    The first three posts here:
    https://www.tunisianloverats.com/threads/visa-hunting-tunisian-love-rats.4534/

    And the opening post on this one:
    https://www.tunisianloverats.com/threads/if-its-your-first-time-here-read-this.4344/

    Obviously, you may wish to read more posts on those threads, but if time is of an issue, then the posts I've numbered hold the information you need :)

    I'm not saying your man is a rat, but it is worrying that he is marrying you, knowing that your personal circumstances mean you cannot move there, as it means to be together, you HAVE to get him a visa....this is a big red flag.
    Just memorise as many red flags as you can and keep them stored inside your head....they may amount to nothing, but it's better to be prepared just in case :)
     
  19. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Are your family members participating in your wedding? Or you are traveling alone?
     
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  20. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    Who is this in the video?
    Because he has blatant wrote that he is using her for a visa.
    He mentions she looks a mess and her dress too small and her boobs is hanging out.
    His spelling is really bad though
     
  21. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    I was going to mention about the fireworks but thought the basics was more important.
    That fu***** god damn noise grates on me.
     
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  22. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    :Evil: Thankful I didn’t set myself into that. How horrible are rats.
     
  23. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    The spelling so bad i have just asked the hubby to translate it.
    He said it is not tunisian language its egyptian he thinks.
    But he confirmed what i wrote
     
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  24. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Lol
     
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  25. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Oh no......these rats can't keep giving bezness victims cheap and meaningless weddings.....if they're gonna scam us, then I'll ensure every little detail is out there, including the fact that HE must pay for it.....let him get stung in the pocket a little :thumbsup:

    I remember when I first moved over there, I'd always loved fireworks, so I used to go bombing up onto the roof to watch them.....it was so exciting!
    But when there are a kazillion weddings daily, for five consecutive months....the novelty wears off :D

    That noise? As in the bizarre noise the women make? Honestly, I used to sit at the weddings with my eyes absolutely streaming from laughter :D
    I mean seriously.....WTF is that all about? I tried to do it, but I couldn't get my voice high enough and couldn't stop laughing for long enough :p
     

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