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Third Time Lucky?

Beverley

Major Ratslayer
I cant believe that finally i might be getting my long awaited divorce, it should be final at the end of October.:)

I married my rat in 2012, there was an age difference which was a massive issue for me when we first started talking, but not sure how it happened but he slowly, slowly drip fed me that it didn't matter, and before i knew it, i was believing it also.... At first everything was amazing and i felt so happy, but it didn't take long until i was completely under his spell, even though i have a responsible job managing a team, when it came to him and our marriage it seemed id lost the power to think for myself, it was such a strange feeling that i seemed unable to get control off. Even by the time it had come to the wedding i was having doubts that i should not be doing it, i expressed by concerns,but as usual he talked me round, even at the wedding my head was asking me 'what are you doing' but i didn't listen, it was like an out of body experience watching from above as this disaster was about to unfold.

For 6 years i went through happy times,but the majority of the time the marriage was full of lies, trying to get money from me anyway he could, insults, mentally and physically abuse, it still makes me cringe when i think how i allowed him to treat me. He made me feel so worthless and everything was my fault, i was giving him so much time i didn't even realise i was neglecting my own family. I was so low,everything revolved around him. At first his stories and pleas for money, were believable and i helped him and his family a lot, they got a large amount of money from me and gifts....but as time went on the stories became so far fetched and he was getting his family members involved in putting pressure on me to send money, it got really quite nasty.

So March 2018, i received my first divorce papers, i don't know why but i felt upset, but i decided to come to terms with it. He was really nasty, he sent pictures of him burning everything we had shared together, it was quite hurtful, everyday i woke up to abusive messages, he even said if i wanted to stop the divorce i had to send him £1,000 immediately and he halt the proceedings....I refused and didn't hear from him for 3 weeks. He then messaged me saying he had cancelled the divorce because he still loved me and wanted to make a new start, he sent me the divorce cancellation paperwork.

Stupidity took over me and i started talking to him again, he seemed like he was at at the beginning,but it didn't take long before the requests for large amounts of money started, he didn't care where it came from he just wanted it, he tried to get it from my mother, my family, his greed and need for money was just too much. He tole me he was very sick in hospital and they wouldn't let him leave until he paid the large hospital bill, and if i didn't pay they would send him to prison and his family would be humiliated,the pressure was immense, I didn't give him anything and he disappeared for 3 weeks, in that time i received so many text from his brother,demanding money. After 3 weeks he reappeared saying he had been let out due to Ramadan !! this story was just too much to believe

This was 2018 and when i found this site, I read so many threads and realised that sadly i wasn't alone, suddenly something clicked in my head. I found the courage to write and ask questions,the support i received changed my life and mindset, I cant thank everyone enough for helping me.

6 months after the first divorce papers, i received more papers, i was happy and wanted nothing more, but once again he cancelled it. We had already had 1 visa application refused, due to finances, at the time i was just short of the earning amount and he had taken all my savings. My situation had changed and now it was constant pressure to do the visa again,our problems were all down to me, and me not doing the visa, making us live apart.

These last few years have been a nightmare, we hadn't had any contact for many months and i was starting to get myself back. Then in February/March this year, out of the blue, i received a message, wishing that myself and my family were safe and wouldn't catch Covid
.... he said that he realised we were never going to work out so had filed new divorce papers but because of the virus it would take longer due to current circumstances. I thought oh that's nice, so I replied and wished him and his family the same, i agreed about the marriage and understood it would take time... big mistake...

2 days later i received a message stating that as i was still his wife i was obliged to help and support him... he had toothache, during the marriage i had paid for him to get some new teeth, now his dentist was saying he needed them to be replaced so he wanted money for that £1,000, he was doing a degree and needed £1,000 to write his dissertation, he also needed £2,000 to rent an apartment while he was at uni and when i send it, he would stop the divorce, and i had 1 week to decide after that the price would go up!!!! I told him i have no money so he would be getting nothing.

8 weeks passed, then he messaged me saying that the price had gone up to £20,000. I just laughed, he got really angry and admitted that he had only married me for financially gain and visa and everyone there knew it, he admitted to all the lies and that he regretted meeting me and hated me, blah blah blah

More time passed, and here he was again, the price to keep him had now reached £40,000 and this was his final offer to me, this is what he needed to set him up and pay his debts, it was non negotiable and that time was running out, as i had received the new papers in July. He keeps messaging saying he has no phone, he has no money, but somehow he has managed to get a cafe business, he sent me pics of all new tattoos he recently got, new clothes etc, he's recently been on a barbering course,all things he asked me for money for, so
i'm certain other woman are helping him.

Yesterday, he sent me pics that had passed his dissertation, he has no phone and now only needs £4,000 urgently.

He doesn't seem to understand, that over this time I found ME again and it feels amazing, its taken some time i had so many down days and i never thought i would feel this way again, I can now look at him and feel nothing but pity that someone feels it's OK to treat a person this way.....the only thing i feel bad about is the fact i neglected my family so much, i didn't mean too, he brought me to an all time low, but i'm building myself back up, when u are caught up in a toxic relationship you never think u will see the light, but it can happen.

So sorry for the long thread, i just had to unload all this, please god the divorce happens. Big hugs to everyone going through hell at this time XX



He doesn't seem to understand that I got ME back and i don't need him
 

Storm

Major Ratslayer
Hi @Beverley,

What a roller-coaster ride you were on. Glad you were able to get off.
He can play around with the divorce for only so long anyhow as he will need it to remarry again and clearly he is in no need of funds the business owner that he is.
You have done more than enough and more than he deserves and you have remained strong throughout.
Glad you found yourself again, one of the biggest achievements after a rat experience.
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
What? So you’ve been separated for over 2 years and he still asks for money, because well, you’re still his wife and you have to support him? (I had to read it again to make sure I read right)
Then he confesses he married you just for financial gain and visa and that he hates you but still comes back and ask again for money!? And it’s not £50 (which even that, he would not be entitled to) or 200 or 1,000, but £40,000!! I would’ve asked him what he smoked. Seriously, I think I’ve heard it all now.
I’m glad you got rid of him and that life started to feel good again and you found your own self again. I’m happy for you because it’s over with him and things are looking up for you. Now the divorce can’t be finalized fast enough and you can put everything behind.
 
Last edited:

Tinker-lulu

Major Ratslayer
I cant believe that finally i might be getting my long awaited divorce, it should be final at the end of October.:)

I married my rat in 2012, there was an age difference which was a massive issue for me when we first started talking, but not sure how it happened but he slowly, slowly drip fed me that it didn't matter, and before i knew it, i was believing it also.... At first everything was amazing and i felt so happy, but it didn't take long until i was completely under his spell, even though i have a responsible job managing a team, when it came to him and our marriage it seemed id lost the power to think for myself, it was such a strange feeling that i seemed unable to get control off. Even by the time it had come to the wedding i was having doubts that i should not be doing it, i expressed by concerns,but as usual he talked me round, even at the wedding my head was asking me 'what are you doing' but i didn't listen, it was like an out of body experience watching from above as this disaster was about to unfold.

For 6 years i went through happy times,but the majority of the time the marriage was full of lies, trying to get money from me anyway he could, insults, mentally and physically abuse, it still makes me cringe when i think how i allowed him to treat me. He made me feel so worthless and everything was my fault, i was giving him so much time i didn't even realise i was neglecting my own family. I was so low,everything revolved around him. At first his stories and pleas for money, were believable and i helped him and his family a lot, they got a large amount of money from me and gifts....but as time went on the stories became so far fetched and he was getting his family members involved in putting pressure on me to send money, it got really quite nasty.

So March 2018, i received my first divorce papers, i don't know why but i felt upset, but i decided to come to terms with it. He was really nasty, he sent pictures of him burning everything we had shared together, it was quite hurtful, everyday i woke up to abusive messages, he even said if i wanted to stop the divorce i had to send him £1,000 immediately and he halt the proceedings....I refused and didn't hear from him for 3 weeks. He then messaged me saying he had cancelled the divorce because he still loved me and wanted to make a new start, he sent me the divorce cancellation paperwork.

Stupidity took over me and i started talking to him again, he seemed like he was at at the beginning,but it didn't take long before the requests for large amounts of money started, he didn't care where it came from he just wanted it, he tried to get it from my mother, my family, his greed and need for money was just too much. He tole me he was very sick in hospital and they wouldn't let him leave until he paid the large hospital bill, and if i didn't pay they would send him to prison and his family would be humiliated,the pressure was immense, I didn't give him anything and he disappeared for 3 weeks, in that time i received so many text from his brother,demanding money. After 3 weeks he reappeared saying he had been let out due to Ramadan !! this story was just too much to believe

This was 2018 and when i found this site, I read so many threads and realised that sadly i wasn't alone, suddenly something clicked in my head. I found the courage to write and ask questions,the support i received changed my life and mindset, I cant thank everyone enough for helping me.

6 months after the first divorce papers, i received more papers, i was happy and wanted nothing more, but once again he cancelled it. We had already had 1 visa application refused, due to finances, at the time i was just short of the earning amount and he had taken all my savings. My situation had changed and now it was constant pressure to do the visa again,our problems were all down to me, and me not doing the visa, making us live apart.

These last few years have been a nightmare, we hadn't had any contact for many months and i was starting to get myself back. Then in February/March this year, out of the blue, i received a message, wishing that myself and my family were safe and wouldn't catch Covid
.... he said that he realised we were never going to work out so had filed new divorce papers but because of the virus it would take longer due to current circumstances. I thought oh that's nice, so I replied and wished him and his family the same, i agreed about the marriage and understood it would take time... big mistake...

2 days later i received a message stating that as i was still his wife i was obliged to help and support him... he had toothache, during the marriage i had paid for him to get some new teeth, now his dentist was saying he needed them to be replaced so he wanted money for that £1,000, he was doing a degree and needed £1,000 to write his dissertation, he also needed £2,000 to rent an apartment while he was at uni and when i send it, he would stop the divorce, and i had 1 week to decide after that the price would go up!!!! I told him i have no money so he would be getting nothing.

8 weeks passed, then he messaged me saying that the price had gone up to £20,000. I just laughed, he got really angry and admitted that he had only married me for financially gain and visa and everyone there knew it, he admitted to all the lies and that he regretted meeting me and hated me, blah blah blah

More time passed, and here he was again, the price to keep him had now reached £40,000 and this was his final offer to me, this is what he needed to set him up and pay his debts, it was non negotiable and that time was running out, as i had received the new papers in July. He keeps messaging saying he has no phone, he has no money, but somehow he has managed to get a cafe business, he sent me pics of all new tattoos he recently got, new clothes etc, he's recently been on a barbering course,all things he asked me for money for, so
i'm certain other woman are helping him.

Yesterday, he sent me pics that had passed his dissertation, he has no phone and now only needs £4,000 urgently.

He doesn't seem to understand, that over this time I found ME again and it feels amazing, its taken some time i had so many down days and i never thought i would feel this way again, I can now look at him and feel nothing but pity that someone feels it's OK to treat a person this way.....the only thing i feel bad about is the fact i neglected my family so much, i didn't mean too, he brought me to an all time low, but i'm building myself back up, when u are caught up in a toxic relationship you never think u will see the light, but it can happen.

So sorry for the long thread, i just had to unload all this, please god the divorce happens. Big hugs to everyone going through hell at this time XX



He doesn't seem to understand that I got ME back and i don't need him
@Beverley welcome back to being yourself again and what an amazing post to read!!! I noticed the amount of money he demanded, thousands in fact it seemed the price was going up all the time, now you’re out of his life and that sign of not feeling anything for him is such a fantastic feeling, you’re on your way to recovery, don’t look back and the best thing you’ve done is to put your experience in writing, this my dear will help many ladies who are thinking of or in a marriage involving a RAT, wishing all the very best and yes this is Victory for you, WELL DONE. Xx
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
I cant believe that finally i might be getting my long awaited divorce, it should be final at the end of October.:)

I married my rat in 2012, there was an age difference which was a massive issue for me when we first started talking, but not sure how it happened but he slowly, slowly drip fed me that it didn't matter, and before i knew it, i was believing it also.... At first everything was amazing and i felt so happy, but it didn't take long until i was completely under his spell, even though i have a responsible job managing a team, when it came to him and our marriage it seemed id lost the power to think for myself, it was such a strange feeling that i seemed unable to get control off. Even by the time it had come to the wedding i was having doubts that i should not be doing it, i expressed by concerns,but as usual he talked me round, even at the wedding my head was asking me 'what are you doing' but i didn't listen, it was like an out of body experience watching from above as this disaster was about to unfold.

For 6 years i went through happy times,but the majority of the time the marriage was full of lies, trying to get money from me anyway he could, insults, mentally and physically abuse, it still makes me cringe when i think how i allowed him to treat me. He made me feel so worthless and everything was my fault, i was giving him so much time i didn't even realise i was neglecting my own family. I was so low,everything revolved around him. At first his stories and pleas for money, were believable and i helped him and his family a lot, they got a large amount of money from me and gifts....but as time went on the stories became so far fetched and he was getting his family members involved in putting pressure on me to send money, it got really quite nasty.

So March 2018, i received my first divorce papers, i don't know why but i felt upset, but i decided to come to terms with it. He was really nasty, he sent pictures of him burning everything we had shared together, it was quite hurtful, everyday i woke up to abusive messages, he even said if i wanted to stop the divorce i had to send him £1,000 immediately and he halt the proceedings....I refused and didn't hear from him for 3 weeks. He then messaged me saying he had cancelled the divorce because he still loved me and wanted to make a new start, he sent me the divorce cancellation paperwork.

Stupidity took over me and i started talking to him again, he seemed like he was at at the beginning,but it didn't take long before the requests for large amounts of money started, he didn't care where it came from he just wanted it, he tried to get it from my mother, my family, his greed and need for money was just too much. He tole me he was very sick in hospital and they wouldn't let him leave until he paid the large hospital bill, and if i didn't pay they would send him to prison and his family would be humiliated,the pressure was immense, I didn't give him anything and he disappeared for 3 weeks, in that time i received so many text from his brother,demanding money. After 3 weeks he reappeared saying he had been let out due to Ramadan !! this story was just too much to believe

This was 2018 and when i found this site, I read so many threads and realised that sadly i wasn't alone, suddenly something clicked in my head. I found the courage to write and ask questions,the support i received changed my life and mindset, I cant thank everyone enough for helping me.

6 months after the first divorce papers, i received more papers, i was happy and wanted nothing more, but once again he cancelled it. We had already had 1 visa application refused, due to finances, at the time i was just short of the earning amount and he had taken all my savings. My situation had changed and now it was constant pressure to do the visa again,our problems were all down to me, and me not doing the visa, making us live apart.

These last few years have been a nightmare, we hadn't had any contact for many months and i was starting to get myself back. Then in February/March this year, out of the blue, i received a message, wishing that myself and my family were safe and wouldn't catch Covid
.... he said that he realised we were never going to work out so had filed new divorce papers but because of the virus it would take longer due to current circumstances. I thought oh that's nice, so I replied and wished him and his family the same, i agreed about the marriage and understood it would take time... big mistake...

2 days later i received a message stating that as i was still his wife i was obliged to help and support him... he had toothache, during the marriage i had paid for him to get some new teeth, now his dentist was saying he needed them to be replaced so he wanted money for that £1,000, he was doing a degree and needed £1,000 to write his dissertation, he also needed £2,000 to rent an apartment while he was at uni and when i send it, he would stop the divorce, and i had 1 week to decide after that the price would go up!!!! I told him i have no money so he would be getting nothing.

8 weeks passed, then he messaged me saying that the price had gone up to £20,000. I just laughed, he got really angry and admitted that he had only married me for financially gain and visa and everyone there knew it, he admitted to all the lies and that he regretted meeting me and hated me, blah blah blah

More time passed, and here he was again, the price to keep him had now reached £40,000 and this was his final offer to me, this is what he needed to set him up and pay his debts, it was non negotiable and that time was running out, as i had received the new papers in July. He keeps messaging saying he has no phone, he has no money, but somehow he has managed to get a cafe business, he sent me pics of all new tattoos he recently got, new clothes etc, he's recently been on a barbering course,all things he asked me for money for, so
i'm certain other woman are helping him.

Yesterday, he sent me pics that had passed his dissertation, he has no phone and now only needs £4,000 urgently.

He doesn't seem to understand, that over this time I found ME again and it feels amazing, its taken some time i had so many down days and i never thought i would feel this way again, I can now look at him and feel nothing but pity that someone feels it's OK to treat a person this way.....the only thing i feel bad about is the fact i neglected my family so much, i didn't mean too, he brought me to an all time low, but i'm building myself back up, when u are caught up in a toxic relationship you never think u will see the light, but it can happen.

So sorry for the long thread, i just had to unload all this, please god the divorce happens. Big hugs to everyone going through hell at this time XX



He doesn't seem to understand that I got ME back and i don't need him
Just.....yuck! I'm so glad he will be out of your life legally soon. What a nightmare! TLR is amazing isn't it? This forum has been a godsend to many women including me.
 

Peacock

Major Ratslayer
Wow!!! He values himself at £40,000!!! Good thing you don't agree with his valuation. Well done for getting rid of the worthless idiot and for rediscovering yourself. You can now have a happy life while he will continue to be a miserable beggar.
 

Mausi

Well-Known Member
I cant believe that finally i might be getting my long awaited divorce, it should be final at the end of October.:) :)

I married my rat in 2012, there was an age difference which was a massive issue for me when we first started talking, but not sure how it happened but he slowly, slowly drip fed me that it didn't matter, and before i knew it, i was believing it also.... At first everything was amazing and i felt so happy, but it didn't take long until i was completely under his spell, even though i have a responsible job managing a team, when it came to him and our marriage it seemed id lost the power to think for myself, it was such a strange feeling that i seemed unable to get control off. Even by the time it had come to the wedding i was having doubts that i should not be doing it, i expressed by concerns,but as usual he talked me round, even at the wedding my head was asking me 'what are you doing' but i didn't listen, it was like an out of body experience watching from above as this disaster was about to unfold.

For 6 years i went through happy times,but the majority of the time the marriage was full of lies, trying to get money from me anyway he could, insults, mentally and physically abuse, it still makes me cringe when i think how i allowed him to treat me. He made me feel so worthless and everything was my fault, i was giving him so much time i didn't even realise i was neglecting my own family. I was so low,everything revolved around him. At first his stories and pleas for money, were believable and i helped him and his family a lot, they got a large amount of money from me and gifts....but as time went on the stories became so far fetched and he was getting his family members involved in putting pressure on me to send money, it got really quite nasty.

So March 2018, i received my first divorce papers, i don't know why but i felt upset, but i decided to come to terms with it. He was really nasty, he sent pictures of him burning everything we had shared together, it was quite hurtful, everyday i woke up to abusive messages, he even said if i wanted to stop the divorce i had to send him £1,000 immediately and he halt the proceedings....I refused and didn't hear from him for 3 weeks. He then messaged me saying he had cancelled the divorce because he still loved me and wanted to make a new start, he sent me the divorce cancellation paperwork.

Stupidity took over me and i started talking to him again, he seemed like he was at at the beginning,but it didn't take long before the requests for large amounts of money started, he didn't care where it came from he just wanted it, he tried to get it from my mother, my family, his greed and need for money was just too much. He tole me he was very sick in hospital and they wouldn't let him leave until he paid the large hospital bill, and if i didn't pay they would send him to prison and his family would be humiliated,the pressure was immense, I didn't give him anything and he disappeared for 3 weeks, in that time i received so many text from his brother,demanding money. After 3 weeks he reappeared saying he had been let out due to Ramadan !! this story was just too much to believe

This was 2018 and when i found this site, I read so many threads and realised that sadly i wasn't alone, suddenly something clicked in my head. I found the courage to write and ask questions,the support i received changed my life and mindset, I cant thank everyone enough for helping me.

6 months after the first divorce papers, i received more papers, i was happy and wanted nothing more, but once again he cancelled it. We had already had 1 visa application refused, due to finances, at the time i was just short of the earning amount and he had taken all my savings. My situation had changed and now it was constant pressure to do the visa again,our problems were all down to me, and me not doing the visa, making us live apart.

These last few years have been a nightmare, we hadn't had any contact for many months and i was starting to get myself back. Then in February/March this year, out of the blue, i received a message, wishing that myself and my family were safe and wouldn't catch Covid
.... he said that he realised we were never going to work out so had filed new divorce papers but because of the virus it would take longer due to current circumstances. I thought oh that's nice, so I replied and wished him and his family the same, i agreed about the marriage and understood it would take time... big mistake...

2 days later i received a message stating that as i was still his wife i was obliged to help and support him... he had toothache, during the marriage i had paid for him to get some new teeth, now his dentist was saying he needed them to be replaced so he wanted money for that £1,000, he was doing a degree and needed £1,000 to write his dissertation, he also needed £2,000 to rent an apartment while he was at uni and when i send it, he would stop the divorce, and i had 1 week to decide after that the price would go up!!!! I told him i have no money so he would be getting nothing.

8 weeks passed, then he messaged me saying that the price had gone up to £20,000. I just laughed, he got really angry and admitted that he had only married me for financially gain and visa and everyone there knew it, he admitted to all the lies and that he regretted meeting me and hated me, blah blah blah

More time passed, and here he was again, the price to keep him had now reached £40,000 and this was his final offer to me, this is what he needed to set him up and pay his debts, it was non negotiable and that time was running out, as i had received the new papers in July. He keeps messaging saying he has no phone, he has no money, but somehow he has managed to get a cafe business, he sent me pics of all new tattoos he recently got, new clothes etc, he's recently been on a barbering course,all things he asked me for money for, so
i'm certain other woman are helping him.

Yesterday, he sent me pics that had passed his dissertation, he has no phone and now only needs £4,000 urgently.

He doesn't seem to understand, that over this time I found ME again and it feels amazing, its taken some time i had so many down days and i never thought i would feel this way again, I can now look at him and feel nothing but pity that someone feels it's OK to treat a person this way.....the only thing i feel bad about is the fact i neglected my family so much, i didn't mean too, he brought me to an all time low, but i'm building myself back up, when u are caught up in a toxic relationship you never think u will see the light, but it can happen.

Sorry for the long thread, I just had to unload all of this, please God, the divorce is happening. Big hugs to everyone going through Hell at this time XX
He doesn't seem to understand that I got ME back and I don't need him

Wie Asozial und emotionsarm der Typ. Sei froh das er weg ist,jetzt geht es bergauf!

Google translate:
How anti-social and poor in emotion the guy. Be glad he's gone, now it's uphill!
 

Beverley

Major Ratslayer
What? So you’ve been separated for over 2 years and he still asks for money, because well, you’re still his wife and you have to support him? (I had to read it again to make sure I read right)
Then he confesses he married you just for financial gain and visa and that he hates you but still comes back and ask again for money!? And it’s not £50 (which even that, he would not be entitled to) or 200 or 1,000, but £40,000!! I would’ve asked him what he smoked. Seriously, I think I’ve heard it all now.
I’m glad you got rid of him and that life started to feel good again and you found your own self again. I’m happy for you because it’s over with him and things are looking up for you. Now the divorce can’t be finalized fast enough and you can put everything behind.
He said he told me those thinks just to provoke me, but deep down i knew it was true..... some of his stories were so unbelievable, you would wonder how i could ever have fell for, its in the past now, I've wasted so much time on him, 9 years but i'm free XX
 

Storm

Major Ratslayer
He is absolutely relentless, I've just been bombarded with messages, asking if i had considered his proposition, his value has dropped to £4000..... i have ignored him and now he's been abusive and I got the finger.....

This is typical behaviour cause he is not getting what he wants and so the tantrums begin.
Laughable that he still thinks he's entitled to anything after being such a despicable person.
Oh and ignore him as much as possible they hate that.
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Hi Beverly I just read your post and I can't believe what I am reading. You must be over the moon of happiness to get rid of this nasty man. Good riddance who needs a man child who wants you to pay for everything and treat you in a miserable way as he did. Time for you to be happy again and start to live a free life. Let's hope the divorce goes quik now and you can ban this man forever out of your life. So he is up for sale is he? Let's all chip in and send him on his ways with a doses of rat poison. It is a sad story but I am happy for you its almost over xxxx
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
I cant believe that finally i might be getting my long awaited divorce, it should be final at the end of October.:)

I married my rat in 2012, there was an age difference which was a massive issue for me when we first started talking, but not sure how it happened but he slowly, slowly drip fed me that it didn't matter, and before i knew it, i was believing it also.... At first everything was amazing and i felt so happy, but it didn't take long until i was completely under his spell, even though i have a responsible job managing a team, when it came to him and our marriage it seemed id lost the power to think for myself, it was such a strange feeling that i seemed unable to get control off. Even by the time it had come to the wedding i was having doubts that i should not be doing it, i expressed by concerns,but as usual he talked me round, even at the wedding my head was asking me 'what are you doing' but i didn't listen, it was like an out of body experience watching from above as this disaster was about to unfold.

For 6 years i went through happy times,but the majority of the time the marriage was full of lies, trying to get money from me anyway he could, insults, mentally and physically abuse, it still makes me cringe when i think how i allowed him to treat me. He made me feel so worthless and everything was my fault, i was giving him so much time i didn't even realise i was neglecting my own family. I was so low,everything revolved around him. At first his stories and pleas for money, were believable and i helped him and his family a lot, they got a large amount of money from me and gifts....but as time went on the stories became so far fetched and he was getting his family members involved in putting pressure on me to send money, it got really quite nasty.

So March 2018, i received my first divorce papers, i don't know why but i felt upset, but i decided to come to terms with it. He was really nasty, he sent pictures of him burning everything we had shared together, it was quite hurtful, everyday i woke up to abusive messages, he even said if i wanted to stop the divorce i had to send him £1,000 immediately and he halt the proceedings....I refused and didn't hear from him for 3 weeks. He then messaged me saying he had cancelled the divorce because he still loved me and wanted to make a new start, he sent me the divorce cancellation paperwork.

Stupidity took over me and i started talking to him again, he seemed like he was at at the beginning,but it didn't take long before the requests for large amounts of money started, he didn't care where it came from he just wanted it, he tried to get it from my mother, my family, his greed and need for money was just too much. He tole me he was very sick in hospital and they wouldn't let him leave until he paid the large hospital bill, and if i didn't pay they would send him to prison and his family would be humiliated,the pressure was immense, I didn't give him anything and he disappeared for 3 weeks, in that time i received so many text from his brother,demanding money. After 3 weeks he reappeared saying he had been let out due to Ramadan !! this story was just too much to believe

This was 2018 and when i found this site, I read so many threads and realised that sadly i wasn't alone, suddenly something clicked in my head. I found the courage to write and ask questions,the support i received changed my life and mindset, I cant thank everyone enough for helping me.

6 months after the first divorce papers, i received more papers, i was happy and wanted nothing more, but once again he cancelled it. We had already had 1 visa application refused, due to finances, at the time i was just short of the earning amount and he had taken all my savings. My situation had changed and now it was constant pressure to do the visa again,our problems were all down to me, and me not doing the visa, making us live apart.

These last few years have been a nightmare, we hadn't had any contact for many months and i was starting to get myself back. Then in February/March this year, out of the blue, i received a message, wishing that myself and my family were safe and wouldn't catch Covid
.... he said that he realised we were never going to work out so had filed new divorce papers but because of the virus it would take longer due to current circumstances. I thought oh that's nice, so I replied and wished him and his family the same, i agreed about the marriage and understood it would take time... big mistake...

2 days later i received a message stating that as i was still his wife i was obliged to help and support him... he had toothache, during the marriage i had paid for him to get some new teeth, now his dentist was saying he needed them to be replaced so he wanted money for that £1,000, he was doing a degree and needed £1,000 to write his dissertation, he also needed £2,000 to rent an apartment while he was at uni and when i send it, he would stop the divorce, and i had 1 week to decide after that the price would go up!!!! I told him i have no money so he would be getting nothing.

8 weeks passed, then he messaged me saying that the price had gone up to £20,000. I just laughed, he got really angry and admitted that he had only married me for financially gain and visa and everyone there knew it, he admitted to all the lies and that he regretted meeting me and hated me, blah blah blah

More time passed, and here he was again, the price to keep him had now reached £40,000 and this was his final offer to me, this is what he needed to set him up and pay his debts, it was non negotiable and that time was running out, as i had received the new papers in July. He keeps messaging saying he has no phone, he has no money, but somehow he has managed to get a cafe business, he sent me pics of all new tattoos he recently got, new clothes etc, he's recently been on a barbering course,all things he asked me for money for, so
i'm certain other woman are helping him.

Yesterday, he sent me pics that had passed his dissertation, he has no phone and now only needs £4,000 urgently.

He doesn't seem to understand, that over this time I found ME again and it feels amazing, its taken some time i had so many down days and i never thought i would feel this way again, I can now look at him and feel nothing but pity that someone feels it's OK to treat a person this way.....the only thing i feel bad about is the fact i neglected my family so much, i didn't mean too, he brought me to an all time low, but i'm building myself back up, when u are caught up in a toxic relationship you never think u will see the light, but it can happen.

So sorry for the long thread, i just had to unload all this, please god the divorce happens. Big hugs to everyone going through hell at this time XX



He doesn't seem to understand that I got ME back and i don't need him
Wow just reading this for the first time OMG that’s terrible that you were caught up in this trap! I can relate to the stories they tell for money and they never stop! And I’m thinking you all we’re apart for (how much) of this marriage?? Of course the visa is your fault and the constant talk of redoing it....heard it , been there! So happy you are out of his spell... happy life now that you and your family deserve:)
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
He is absolutely relentless, I've just been bombarded with messages, asking if i had considered his proposition, his value has dropped to £4000..... i have ignored him and now he's been abusive and I got the finger.....
The nerve of these guys you don’t and never owed him nothing not even the time of day! Wife?? Then him being the man needs to grow some balls and take care of you and all of your family!!!! The hosp thing pfffffff smh ughhhhhhh yeah you get involved with one of these guys and you turn stupid and everything about your like goes out the window... it’s just crazy the stories and what they think is owed to them! And the family too.... OH H*LL NO
 
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