ButterflyBee
Major Ratslayer
Hey all!
There’s probably a thread like this somewhere but I thought I’d start one as I read a lot of posts from women who haven’t yet visited their ‘man’ in Tunisia and aren’t really aware of what’s right and what’s not right so here goes..
Being ‘fished’ online seems to be common as it’s an easy way for rats to target multiple women at one time without them knowing of the other, online is fast and easy and majority of people lay a lot of their personal lives out on social media (why wouldn’t they? they aren’t doing wrong and don’t think anyone would use this against them in the future as they wouldn’t think to do it to someone else) but rats think differently and can hold your personal information that you share against you and have access to your family and a lot of your history so they already know your interests (this makes you think you have a lot in common but in reality they’re mirroring you). THAT being said it is normal in the West to date online so although this is a red flag if you know how Tunisian men would actually choose their bride (online isn’t the way) I can see why a woman from another country would think it’s normal to be wooed online. So, you feel like you know him although you’ve read on TLR but are still thinking to yourself ‘what if he’s different? what if I let him go and all along he was an honest man?’. You decide to make the trip to Tunisia as you’re sure you will be able to decipher his true intentions if you could just spend a week or so with him.
1. Paying: Do NOT fund the trip yourself. If he is serious about meeting you and marrying you (I’m SURE that he has already told you you will be his wife) then he will be more than happy to pay for your plane ticket, accommodation and expenses. I know as a western woman it’s normal to want to be ‘equal’ in regards to paying and you’d think it’s fair that you pay atleast your half. You are not involved with a western man, an Arab man would never expect his woman to pay a dime. It’s your first time meeting so if he is unable to travel to you he would expect to pay for you to come to him and would be happy to do so. You may say well, his wages are very low how can he afford that? If he cannot afford to meet you then he cannot afford to marry you and support you, simple as that. Or he will save and tell you ‘I’ll pay for you to come over in 10 months’ or however long it will be. If he’s serious then there’s nothing wrong with being patient with him however he will want to pay. This is for the travel and every expense as small as your coffee. It’s shameful for a woman to pay for anything
2. Accommodation: He will NEVER suggest you stay in the family home. If he does it may seem sweet and welcoming however this is NOT right. A man and family that respects the woman would never think of it. It doesn’t matter if his parents aren’t home or whatever. Neighbours talk and reputation is everything in Tunisia, an honest man wouldn’t want his future bride thought of as easy. Do not stay in an apartment with him either, this isn’t just culturally wrong it is illegal. Staying in a hotel is the safest option and he should always book you a room each for every stay.
3.Gifts: He should not demand gifts from you no matter the occasion. ‘Habibi I really want some sunglasses from Europe the quality is better there’ NO. Not right. It’s natural for you to want to take a gift for him but this should be something of your choosing and something inexpensive and not requested. The same goes for his family. He should also not turn up empty handed, he’s meeting his love for the first time. If he’s genuine he should bring you something thoughtful.
4. Family: Do not believe that his family loves you before you’ve even met them, they don’t. If he wants to introduce you to them then read 5.
5. Chaperon: Take a member of your family to accompany you. Preferably an older male member like a father or brother. This shows you’re serious and he will accept this if he is too. They can ask questions to him and may see things that you don’t. It’s in Islam for a woman to have someone with her whilst getting to know a future husband. Meeting his family with a chaperon is the way to do it, not meeting them alone. His family and your chaperone can discuss with you both what you both expect from one another.
Please chip in anything I’ve missed. Also like to add that sex before marriage is a big no no. Requests for money no matter the amount or what it’s for = shameful, you caught yourself a big rat. Take it slow, get to know him as you would a man from your country but be aware he isn’t from your country. Don’t believe the fast I love yous and marriage proposals, everywhere in the world it is natural to get to know someone first before decelerations of love and big future plans.
There’s probably a thread like this somewhere but I thought I’d start one as I read a lot of posts from women who haven’t yet visited their ‘man’ in Tunisia and aren’t really aware of what’s right and what’s not right so here goes..
Being ‘fished’ online seems to be common as it’s an easy way for rats to target multiple women at one time without them knowing of the other, online is fast and easy and majority of people lay a lot of their personal lives out on social media (why wouldn’t they? they aren’t doing wrong and don’t think anyone would use this against them in the future as they wouldn’t think to do it to someone else) but rats think differently and can hold your personal information that you share against you and have access to your family and a lot of your history so they already know your interests (this makes you think you have a lot in common but in reality they’re mirroring you). THAT being said it is normal in the West to date online so although this is a red flag if you know how Tunisian men would actually choose their bride (online isn’t the way) I can see why a woman from another country would think it’s normal to be wooed online. So, you feel like you know him although you’ve read on TLR but are still thinking to yourself ‘what if he’s different? what if I let him go and all along he was an honest man?’. You decide to make the trip to Tunisia as you’re sure you will be able to decipher his true intentions if you could just spend a week or so with him.
1. Paying: Do NOT fund the trip yourself. If he is serious about meeting you and marrying you (I’m SURE that he has already told you you will be his wife) then he will be more than happy to pay for your plane ticket, accommodation and expenses. I know as a western woman it’s normal to want to be ‘equal’ in regards to paying and you’d think it’s fair that you pay atleast your half. You are not involved with a western man, an Arab man would never expect his woman to pay a dime. It’s your first time meeting so if he is unable to travel to you he would expect to pay for you to come to him and would be happy to do so. You may say well, his wages are very low how can he afford that? If he cannot afford to meet you then he cannot afford to marry you and support you, simple as that. Or he will save and tell you ‘I’ll pay for you to come over in 10 months’ or however long it will be. If he’s serious then there’s nothing wrong with being patient with him however he will want to pay. This is for the travel and every expense as small as your coffee. It’s shameful for a woman to pay for anything
2. Accommodation: He will NEVER suggest you stay in the family home. If he does it may seem sweet and welcoming however this is NOT right. A man and family that respects the woman would never think of it. It doesn’t matter if his parents aren’t home or whatever. Neighbours talk and reputation is everything in Tunisia, an honest man wouldn’t want his future bride thought of as easy. Do not stay in an apartment with him either, this isn’t just culturally wrong it is illegal. Staying in a hotel is the safest option and he should always book you a room each for every stay.
3.Gifts: He should not demand gifts from you no matter the occasion. ‘Habibi I really want some sunglasses from Europe the quality is better there’ NO. Not right. It’s natural for you to want to take a gift for him but this should be something of your choosing and something inexpensive and not requested. The same goes for his family. He should also not turn up empty handed, he’s meeting his love for the first time. If he’s genuine he should bring you something thoughtful.
4. Family: Do not believe that his family loves you before you’ve even met them, they don’t. If he wants to introduce you to them then read 5.
5. Chaperon: Take a member of your family to accompany you. Preferably an older male member like a father or brother. This shows you’re serious and he will accept this if he is too. They can ask questions to him and may see things that you don’t. It’s in Islam for a woman to have someone with her whilst getting to know a future husband. Meeting his family with a chaperon is the way to do it, not meeting them alone. His family and your chaperone can discuss with you both what you both expect from one another.
Please chip in anything I’ve missed. Also like to add that sex before marriage is a big no no. Requests for money no matter the amount or what it’s for = shameful, you caught yourself a big rat. Take it slow, get to know him as you would a man from your country but be aware he isn’t from your country. Don’t believe the fast I love yous and marriage proposals, everywhere in the world it is natural to get to know someone first before decelerations of love and big future plans.
