Welcome to TLR

Visiting him in Tunisia for the first time

Gamora

Major Ratslayer
Haha I’ve always avoided getting into conversations with hotel workers like the plague, I just sit and observe the goings on whilst sunbathing. That’s awful, sorry you had to go through it, must have been so difficult as he came from an educated background to determine he was a rat
I come from education too. Two (2) Masters degrees under my belt (don’t ask why, but the PhD scared me, haha), hence the reason I became suspicious in the first place. My critical thinking skills were too much for him. The moment I became suspicious, I sent a message to one of the old members and they confirmed.
 

ButterflyBee

Major Ratslayer
I come from education too. Two (2) Masters degrees under my belt (don’t ask why, but the PhD scared me, haha), hence the reason I became suspicious in the first place. My critical thinking skills were too much for him. The moment I became suspicious, I sent a message to one of the old members and they confirmed.
So glad you did! Intuition is seeing with the soul, as they say
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
Hey all!
There’s probably a thread like this somewhere but I thought I’d start one as I read a lot of posts from women who haven’t yet visited their ‘man’ in Tunisia and aren’t really aware of what’s right and what’s not right so here goes..

Being ‘fished’ online seems to be common as it’s an easy way for rats to target multiple women at one time without them knowing of the other, online is fast and easy and majority of people lay a lot of their personal lives out on social media (why wouldn’t they? they aren’t doing wrong and don’t think anyone would use this against them in the future as they wouldn’t think to do it to someone else) but rats think differently and can hold your personal information that you share against you and have access to your family and a lot of your history so they already know your interests (this makes you think you have a lot in common but in reality they’re mirroring you). THAT being said it is normal in the West to date online so although this is a red flag if you know how Tunisian men would actually choose their bride (online isn’t the way) I can see why a woman from another country would think it’s normal to be wooed online. So, you feel like you know him although you’ve read on TLR but are still thinking to yourself ‘what if he’s different? what if I let him go and all along he was an honest man?’. You decide to make the trip to Tunisia as you’re sure you will be able to decipher his true intentions if you could just spend a week or so with him.

1. Paying: Do NOT fund the trip yourself. If he is serious about meeting you and marrying you (I’m SURE that he has already told you you will be his wife) then he will be more than happy to pay for your plane ticket, accommodation and expenses. I know as a western woman it’s normal to want to be ‘equal’ in regards to paying and you’d think it’s fair that you pay atleast your half. You are not involved with a western man, an Arab man would never expect his woman to pay a dime. It’s your first time meeting so if he is unable to travel to you he would expect to pay for you to come to him and would be happy to do so. You may say well, his wages are very low how can he afford that? If he cannot afford to meet you then he cannot afford to marry you and support you, simple as that. Or he will save and tell you ‘I’ll pay for you to come over in 10 months’ or however long it will be. If he’s serious then there’s nothing wrong with being patient with him however he will want to pay. This is for the travel and every expense as small as your coffee. It’s shameful for a woman to pay for anything

2. Accommodation: He will NEVER suggest you stay in the family home. If he does it may seem sweet and welcoming however this is NOT right. A man and family that respects the woman would never think of it. It doesn’t matter if his parents aren’t home or whatever. Neighbours talk and reputation is everything in Tunisia, an honest man wouldn’t want his future bride thought of as easy. Do not stay in an apartment with him either, this isn’t just culturally wrong it is illegal. Staying in a hotel is the safest option and he should always book you a room each for every stay.

3.Gifts: He should not demand gifts from you no matter the occasion. ‘Habibi I really want some sunglasses from Europe the quality is better there’ NO. Not right. It’s natural for you to want to take a gift for him but this should be something of your choosing and something inexpensive and not requested. The same goes for his family. He should also not turn up empty handed, he’s meeting his love for the first time. If he’s genuine he should bring you something thoughtful.

4. Family: Do not believe that his family loves you before you’ve even met them, they don’t. If he wants to introduce you to them then read 5.

5. Chaperon: Take a member of your family to accompany you. Preferably an older male member like a father or brother. This shows you’re serious and he will accept this if he is too. They can ask questions to him and may see things that you don’t. It’s in Islam for a woman to have someone with her whilst getting to know a future husband. Meeting his family with a chaperon is the way to do it, not meeting them alone. His family and your chaperone can discuss with you both what you both expect from one another.

Please chip in anything I’ve missed. Also like to add that sex before marriage is a big no no. Requests for money no matter the amount or what it’s for = shameful, you caught yourself a big rat. Take it slow, get to know him as you would a man from your country but be aware he isn’t from your country. Don’t believe the fast I love yous and marriage proposals, everywhere in the world it is natural to get to know someone first before decelerations of love and big future plans.
I can't love this enough, fantastic
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
Thanks @ButterflyBee you’re so right lol, I must add the stress involved when you meet your ( “man/boy haha”), yes those f**ng gifts addition cost on your holidays geez it’s unbelievable!! And when you meet them then you look at him starting with his bum (if he’s young then Tunisian man have a great bum, honestly) then you look at the whole physic and see wheather he was worth the trip and stress, after a few days you say OMG what have I done!! when you find the excitement has wore off, so after a long while he starts working on your mind but you still say OMG what have I done... the rest is history when you realised he’s a RAT, I personally was so fricking HAPPY to come back home, what an experience pffff
me too, couldnt get on that plane fast enough
 

Mausi

Well-Known Member
In der Zwischenzeit fragen sie leider auch, wie die Europäer denken. Auch sie geben jetzt kleine Geschenke, um uns zu täuschen. Aber dann wollen sie sie hundertmal zurück. Sie geben Ihnen ein Paar EUR, was normalerweise kein Problem ist, aber dann wollen sie ein Handy. (Nur als Beispiel)
Gerne geben wir Ihnen Goldplatten mit Datum und Ende in Textschrift. etc .... Die Liste ist lang und leider gibt es dumme Mädchen, die über die Geschichten auf dieser Seite erzählen. Sie versuchen alles und selbst wenn die Beziehung endet, rufen sie manchmal Jahre später weiter zurück.
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
In der Zwischenzeit fragen sie leider auch, wie die Europäer denken. Auch sie geben jetzt kleine Geschenke, um uns zu täuschen. Aber dann wollen sie sie hundertmal zurück. Sie geben Ihnen ein Paar EUR, was normalerweise kein Problem ist, aber dann wollen sie ein Handy. (Nur als Beispiel)
Gerne geben wir Ihnen Goldplatten mit Datum und Ende in Textschrift. etc .... Die Liste ist lang und leider gibt es dumme Mädchen, die über die Geschichten auf dieser Seite erzählen. Sie versuchen alles und selbst wenn die Beziehung endet, rufen sie manchmal Jahre später weiter zurück.
English plse
 

ButterflyBee

Major Ratslayer
In der Zwischenzeit fragen sie leider auch, wie die Europäer denken. Auch sie geben jetzt kleine Geschenke, um uns zu täuschen. Aber dann wollen sie sie hundertmal zurück. Sie geben Ihnen ein Paar EUR, was normalerweise kein Problem ist, aber dann wollen sie ein Handy. (Nur als Beispiel)
Gerne geben wir Ihnen Goldplatten mit Datum und Ende in Textschrift. etc .... Die Liste ist lang und leider gibt es dumme Mädchen, die über die Geschichten auf dieser Seite erzählen. Sie versuchen alles und selbst wenn die Beziehung endet, rufen sie manchmal Jahre später weiter zurück.
Can someone translate this please? I used google but I think it’s incorrect
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
In der Zwischenzeit fragen sie leider auch, wie die Europäer denken. Auch sie geben jetzt kleine Geschenke, um uns zu täuschen. Aber dann wollen sie sie hundertmal zurück. Sie geben Ihnen ein Paar EUR, was normalerweise kein Problem ist, aber dann wollen sie ein Handy. (Nur als Beispiel)
Gerne geben wir Ihnen Goldplatten mit Datum und Ende in Textschrift. etc .... Die Liste ist lang und leider gibt es dumme Mädchen, die über die Geschichten auf dieser Seite erzählen. Sie versuchen alles und selbst wenn die Beziehung endet, rufen sie manchmal Jahre später weiter zurück.
Translation which I understood : in the meantime ask yourself what the European are thinking about this. They give little gift to them(the tunisian I think) and they want more like fones and something, the list is long. And it is repeated time over time and women keep giving that. Even when the relation ended they come back and ask more. Sorry if the translation is not correct I did my best xx :)
 

Sabrina

Major Ratslayer
Translation which I understood : in the meantime ask yourself what the European are thinking about this. They give little gift to them(the tunisian I think) and they want more like fones and something, the list is long. And it is repeated time over time and women keep giving that. Even when the relation ended they come back and ask more. Sorry if the translation is not correct I did my best xx :)
True I kept on telling mine, why should o give you money we are not even together???? He’s still waiting on my old Samsung note 5 to arrive sent it last Christmas......... NOT!!!! I’m still using lol
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
True I kept on telling mine, why should o give you money we are not even together???? He’s still waiting on my old Samsung note 5 to arrive sent it last Christmas......... NOT!!!! I’m still using lol
Yeah mine was the same asked me 300 euros :eek: told him to we are not together no more why would I do that!! I change my previous reply they have brains but don't use them
 

Jennie

Ratslayer
Thanks @ButterflyBee you’re so right lol, I must add the stress involved when you meet your ( “man/boy haha”), yes those f**ng gifts addition cost on your holidays geez it’s unbelievable!! And when you meet them then you look at him starting with his bum (if he’s young then Tunisian man have a great bum, honestly) then you look at the whole physic and see wheather he was worth the trip and stress, after a few days you say OMG what have I done!! when you find the excitement has wore off, so after a long while he starts working on your mind but you still say OMG what have I done... the rest is history when you realised he’s a RAT, I personally was so fricking HAPPY to come back home, what an experience pffff
I looooove this post!!!!!
 

Jennie

Ratslayer
Thanks @ButterflyBee you’re so right lol, I must add the stress involved when you meet your ( “man/boy haha”), yes those f**ng gifts addition cost on your holidays geez it’s unbelievable!! And when you meet them then you look at him starting with his bum (if he’s young then Tunisian man have a great bum, honestly) then you look at the whole physic and see wheather he was worth the trip and stress, after a few days you say OMG what have I done!! when you find the excitement has wore off, so after a long while he starts working on your mind but you still say OMG what have I done... the rest is history when you realised he’s a RAT, I personally was so fricking HAPPY to come back home, what an experience pff
Thanks @ButterflyBee you’re so right lol, I must add the stress involved when you meet your ( “man/boy haha”), yes those f**ng gifts addition cost on your holidays geez it’s unbelievable!! And when you meet them then you look at him starting with his bum (if he’s young then Tunisian man have a great bum, honestly) then you look at the whole physic and see wheather he was worth the trip and stress, after a few days you say OMG what have I done!! when you find the excitement has wore off, so after a long while he starts working on your mind but you still say OMG what have I done... the rest is history when you realised he’s a RAT, I personally was so fricking HAPPY to come back home, what an experience pffff
Soooo.......do they expect a lot of “love making” ? They are men I’m sure they do but I’m thinking in an odd amount of it
 

ButterflyBee

Major Ratslayer
Soooo.......do they expect a lot of “love making” ? They are men I’m sure they do but I’m thinking in an odd amount of it
If he’s a good man then no, no decent Tunisian would sleep with his future wife before marriage. As for rats, I don’t know, probably yes because they need their victims to feel closer to them and would use sex as a means of doing so. But if he’s a rat there’s no way he’d be ok with everything I wrote in my post
 
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tutusandfrogs

Major Ratslayer
My husband even paid for a more expensive automatic car rental because I can't drive standard. lol We stayed with his family after marriage... well before too,p but in separate rooms. I came back with 75% of the money I took...and I was thinking I would have drawn more while I was there...and I ended up being there a month in March-April.

There were many places we went where people looked at me, expecting me to pay - especially fancy restaurants. I remember in Le Golf (Marsa) the guy handed me the 150 dt bill and I asked him to give it to the gentleman and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head and when my husband whipped out his money to pay everyone turned to look... this moment proved to me exactly what normally happens, sadly.
 

tutusandfrogs

Major Ratslayer
Soooo.......do they expect a lot of “love making” ? They are men I’m sure they do but I’m thinking in an odd amount of it

After marriage... lots and lots. lol It's not like what I've ever experienced in a western relationship. I don't want to get graphic and gross but let's just say we are both really happy.
 

Tinker-lulu

Major Ratslayer
All I can say is: a Muslim man once married his wife can’t say NO to sex.
Well I don’t want to end up looking like an old hag giving him sex on demand to satisfy his sexual greed!
Sex on tap for them , that’s what marriage means for them or any man for that matter LOL
A woman’s body is to be respected not to be abused by a man/ husband constant sexual demands PFFFFF
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
After marriage... lots and lots. lol It's not like what I've ever experienced in a western relationship. I don't want to get graphic and gross but let's just say we are both really happy.
I am a western womam and I can say in all honesty when we was younger (with my western husband) we made "love" alot but it changes when you get older, even the man and I don't think it has anything to do with race or another culture. Some men wants to just have sex even when the woman doesn't want to or have the need to it, some are considered and some men not.
 

tutusandfrogs

Major Ratslayer
I am a western womam and I can say in all honesty when we was younger (with my western husband) we made "love" alot but it changes when you get older, even the man and I don't think it has anything to do with race or another culture. Some men wants to just have sex even when the woman doesn't want to or have the need to it, some are considered and some men not.

I know it lessens over time, I've been in long term committed relationships. But, even then I've never been in a relationship where it went on for hours at a time.... even in the beginning. But, either way it's lovely to be with someone who wants you to be as happy as they are. :)
 

tutusandfrogs

Major Ratslayer
All I can say is: a Muslim man once married his wife can’t say NO to sex.
Well I don’t want to end up looking like an old hag giving him sex on demand to satisfy his sexual greed!
Sex on tap for them , that’s what marriage means for them or any man for that matter LOL
A woman’s body is to be respected not to be abused by a man/ husband constant sexual demands PFFFFF

Religiously, a woman shouldn't say no to her husband if there's no reason other than her not wanting to. Also, if she's unwell or tired he shouldn't be pressuring her either. That said, both of us are Muslims but my husband has never felt entitled to intimacy with me and no is no. Not wanting to have sex is normal and no one should feel pressured and even if you are religious, religion shouldn't be an excuse. A man can be Muslim and accept his wife doesn't want to have sex. However, continuously withholding sex in any relationship isn't healthy anyways.
 

smiley

Major Ratslayer
Religiously, a woman shouldn't say no to her husband if there's no reason other than her not wanting to. Also, if she's unwell or tired he shouldn't be pressuring her either. That said, both of us are Muslims but my husband has never felt entitled to intimacy with me and no is no. Not wanting to have sex is normal and no one should feel pressured and even if you are religious, religion shouldn't be an excuse. A man can be Muslim and accept his wife doesn't want to have sex. However, continuously withholding sex in any relationship isn't healthy anyways.
I said NO to my ex,and ended up to be raped when i was sleeping,not only one time but many times
He was like a rabbit,never got enough
I guess thats why he had four other wimen when he was married to me. We had hotel near our home and i check his pockets and find a hotel key...
 
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