Wanting to understand a rats mentality

J

Justchecking

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I mean all Tunisian men, not just the rats. I include the naive souls who find themselves in the tourist industry and learn about bezness and give it a go but their heart is not in it - the accidental rats. (ha ha - I can feel your collective intake of breath as you prepare to disabuse me of that notion! :p)

When they're a couple of years into a relationship, maybe engaged and talking about marriage, are they ever likely to end it?

A few people here have suggested that a rat will always have a Plan B and if your relationship ends will head over to her before your plane has left the tarmac, but what if instead of doing that the Tunisian man tells you that he'll always forgive and forget, because he loves you? Does that simply mean you're the front runner in his bevy of women? That he hasn't lined up a Plan B yet?

In another thread some people were talking about a Tunisian saying: "don't love you, can't leave you" or words to that effect. And it made me wonder. If a guy won't leave, could it be because he genuinely does want to forgive and forget? Is it because he doesn't currently have a better offer (which implies fidelity at least)? Is it because he is likely to suffer either family or cultural pressure to stay?

In the past in the UK certainly, women would stay in loveless relationships because there was nowhere else for them to go. Does being in a relationship with a European woman cause the same thing to happen to a Tunisian man? (Remembering that they're not just losing a fiancee, they're losing a visa, a job abroad, opportunity etc).
 

Kalas

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I think a lot of men stay in relationships out of just lack of a better idea. Maybe the relationship is meeting some of their needs but not all.
I think this happens with all men not specifically Tunisians.

The problem is when they have so much to gain from you as a foreign woman how can you tell what is real and what is not ? :(
And how much of your life can you waste in the period of finding out.
 
J

Justchecking

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The problem is when they have so much to gain from you as a foreign woman how can you tell what is real and what is not ? :(
That's exactly it. How do you know why they keep coming back?

In my view it would be normal in a fight where the man calls it a day, for the man to sulk for a few days before coming back (if he's coming back). Clearly he would have been hurt by the argument, and would need time to calm down and think it through. It would seem strange to me if he came back less than 24 hours later and said it was all forgotten and in the past and let's never discuss it again. But I wonder if that's just my personal view, or a Western view, and not a Tunisian one?

(In fact, in my experience once a man ends it they don't come back, but that could just be the men I've been involved with in the past.)
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
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I am assuming not Tunisian men??? They are arrogant... they do the dirty but think that they can stay friends... like keeping your friends closer and your enemies closer.. We have had threads before about might I say Rats behaviour not Tunisian men's mentality. I thing it ended that we would agree to never understand it... suffice to say.. it is all about them... and what they can get and also being means to an end.. and god knows what goes on in there crazy heads..
 
J

Justchecking

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Crystal - I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. Do genuine Tunisian men end relationships? Are there cultural or family pressures to stay with their fiancees/girlfriends?
 
J

Justchecking

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Also do you have a link to any of those threads for me to read them? :)
 

crystal

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Also do you have a link to any of those threads for me to read them? :)
You can search for them.. on the home page..

sorry I am hopeless with these things. Marilyna... will come to the rescue.. and your question does not have a yes or no answer...
 
J

Justchecking

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Thank you Crystal :)

I know the answer is never going to be clear cut yes or no...
 
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Kalas

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IF this is someone who lives with you in your country and he's left Tunisia for you? Then I guess it's not just as easy to walk out when you're the reason he's there....
Maybe I am getting the story wrong.

Anyway I would say be careful because I think some men pick arguments as a way to try to wear you down and weaken you as a woman.

Also I find the Tunisian guy I know to be very childish compared to British guys, getting moody over simple things. And from what I read in the threads that's pretty common in tunisian men.
 
J

Justchecking

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Kalas - It's not specifically related to me or my situation. I find it much easier to ask hypotheticals as it stops things from getting too personal in a public forum like this.

Sometimes in a dysfunctional relationship with a European they won't leave because you're their source of attention and drama and they need that so much they can't be single. They hate you but they can't let you go. Sometimes they won't leave you because their religion says that they have to keep trying to make it work. Sometimes, you're both equals in a relationship and either one of you can walk away if you decide to.

I'm wondering what goes on in a Tunisian man's head.
 

Big Bang Theory

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Hi JC, Hopefully some of our nice Tunisian members will be online soon and will be able to give a good insight. Also those who are in happy marriages with Tunisians.
Think everyone will find this thread interesting/useful :)
 

Laurence

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About Moody tunisian men: most of them are to a lesser or higher degree...they're raised as "princes" because they've got a penis, remember? Now, that's a good way to spoil the character of a child!
But, from my personal experience I can say that the more the tunisian man is moody (about small things already!), the harder the relationship will be for his woman...who wants a moody child in his life, complicating everydays life???? My psycho tunisian ex husband was the moodiest person on earth, never happy with what I did or said, always upset about something in relation to me... AVOID MOODY MEN, so avoid a big part of the tunisian male population!!!!
My actually lovely tunisian husband is an angel in comparison to the ex, he's very very rarely moody and if he's not happy with what I did or said, he just tells me that and he's over it about a quarter of an hour later. To be honest, that was his major quality for me in the early stage of our relationship.
 
J

Justchecking

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Laurence - is that a common trait in Tunisian men - when you do something to annoy them or upset them they're over it about 15 minutes later?
 

Laurence

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Of course tunisian men do end longer term relations with local women. The difference is that most of the time this happens for practical reasons: the marriage will be cancelled because the bride and her family are too demanding (house, clothes, party etc.), because she might have been seen with some other guy and is suspected of not being "serious", because the groom to be saw another girls he thought wuld suit him better (again in a practical way or because she's better looking), because the family of the woman "covered up" some shamefull story and that now came to be known... The woman can also break up easily because she found a "better" (meaning financially) party...

Some men even divorce after long years of marriage, because of same reasons as above, or because he wants a younger woman...
 
J

Justchecking

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And what about relationships with European women? Do Tunisian men ever break those off?
 

Laurence

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Laurence - is that a common trait in Tunisian men - when you do something to annoy them or upset them they're over it about 15 minutes later?

No, it certainly isn't!!!! That's why I first judged him to be a good man! When I think about it, well his younger brother is not moody either, the older one is a moody one.... Maybe because he was the first son, the prince to be spoiled? My husband was not spoiled at all by his family (meaning not having a higher status as the oldest brother does). Again, my husband also has an easy going chraracter, although he can be a real pain in the ass when treating with somebody he doesn't like...he's not a whoossy either.

Tunisian men certainly do break off with european women, I'm talking about the non rats here. They'll do that for the same reasons as would any european or tunisian man.
Rats will break off when they've got a better "victim" and are sure of getting more out of her than out of the actual woman...most will even have as much women as possible to get the most they can.
 
J

Justchecking

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@Laurence that's really helpful insight thank you :)

So non-rat Tunisians do sometimes break off a relationship for emotional reasons. I wondered if there were cultural or family pressures, or even tradition, that meant once a Tunisian man had made a commitment to a woman he was in it for better or worse. Knowing that the genuine ones are free to make their own decisions is helpful.

Of course with the rats it is easy to judge their motives - they're not in a love relationship in the first place, so they will only jump ship when they get a better offer. I imagine that it is harder to offend a rat and make him want to end the relationship purely for emotional reasons?
 
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J

Justchecking

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You cannot offend a rat. He´s not emotionally involved. He is a male prostitute who thinks he works hard for the money.
Can you upset him enough to threaten to call it a day? Will he ever forgive you? Or will he always be looking for a way to make the whole thing your fault?
 
J

Justchecking

Guest
A rat will threaten to call it a day, but he won't call it a day....
But then so could someone who is genuine who sees that sort of threat as the only way to make his point. Or even someone who is angry at the time, but thinks better of it later? It's an immature way to handle a conflict, but not the sole reserve of the rat.

I can see how it could be used by a rat to manipulate a woman. I can also see how it could be used by an immature man to try to manipulate a woman too, then when it doesn't work he might panic and want to erase that.
 
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