What was your "weakness" when you were hooked by a rat?

beznessbitch

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Aug 29, 2017
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809
Ha ha i swear Heidi saved me with a picture of Donald trumps hair genius ... better to be alone than with one of these nasty rats. For me, it was to show off look what i gorgeous boyfriend i had to co-workers who were also bitches and it was the escapism of a holiday 4/5 times a year ... following comments of you don't go anywhere you don't do anything ... from those around me. We really have to close our ears to this kind of damaging negativity. It's our life whether we spend it alone or with someone. Excuse the cliche but really no one's business but our own whether we are alone or in a couple. I learned this the hard way. x Also i too ost a stone hit the gym etc heading towards 40 i guess i panicked.
exact same as me xx
 

Femme Fatale

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Mar 31, 2018
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1,036
Mine was cars. He found me on a Facebook page we both are part of. He likes sports cars and so do I. I own 2 of them. The age difference was 4 years. I actually didn't think he was a rat until I learned about their culture and religion. Im Christian so i didn't dabble in their religion or ever researched it. Things were not adding up because he was VERY religious. Right before Ramadan he changed up on me. He was angry I was asking for more of his time. I then stumbled upon TLR. Made an account and inboxed Heidi and Mango. I also learned about Tunisia from Mohamed. It was the amunition I needed. Funny, there were things they could see on his FB that I could not. He made me feel crazy. But I stayed strong and I actually became the petty one. I started to rebel even more against him and his true colors came out. The feelings for him just went away. Weird, but they really did. Now I try to help others because for 6 months this guy was in complete control.

Basically, I took my power back. when I saw him for what he truly was, nothing could make me love him again. He's a snake and I truly don't like snakes.
 
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beznessbitch

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Aug 29, 2017
Messages
809
Mine was cars. He found me on a Facebook page we both are part of. He likes sports cars and so do I. I own 2 of them. The age difference was 4 years. I actually didn't think he was a rat until I learned about their culture and religion. Im Christian so i didn't dabble in their religion or ever researched it. Things were not adding up because he was VERY religious. Right before Ramadan he changed up on me. He was angry I was asking for more of his time. I then stumbled upon TLR. Made an account and inboxed Heidi and Mango. I also learned about Tunisia from Mohamed. It was the amunition I needed. Funny, there were things they could see on his FB that I could not. He made me feel crazy. But I stayed strong and I actually became the petty one. I started to rebel even more against him and his true colors came out. The feelings for him just went away. Weird, but they really did. Now I try to help others because for 6 months this guy was in complete control.

Basically, I took my power back. when I saw him for what he truly was, nothing could make me love him again. He's a snake and I truly don't like snakes.
good on you girl x
 

Mango Chutney

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Aug 29, 2015
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It's so sick and sad that I assumed responsibility over all of this
I can really relate to this. I've written on here a couple of times about my guilt when I left him, feeling like a failure....because I had failed in my duty of care.
I felt like his carer, his nurse, his bodyguard keeping him out of fights etc....I felt like I'd left him vulnerable...because I'd walked away :oops:
Strange isn't it, how we become so protective of them and feel the need to look after them, but I guess this comes down to the childish behaviour they demonstrate. He beat me: It was my fault. He sneezed: He had flu, he was dying etc. I felt like I was raising a fifth son.
If I was poorly, he was great with me....it was almost as though he thrived on my temporary weakness.
That plus the information here, and learning the end goal, helped me turn cold and switch into instant survival, strategic mode to get the ball rolling and get out -- also making sure it would get reported.
Mine was the death threats to my kids.....my protective instinct kicked in, and yes.....survival mode. I took every beating I had to, to ensure I had everything necessary for a thorough reporting. T'was silly really, I'd already handed the authorities enough information....but I couldn't let it go....I stayed and stayed and stayed, for more and more and more. I think emotionally....I just wasn't ready to let him go yet.....my heart still fought with my head....but the messages from my head were stronger.
We have so many similarities :)
How are you coping with life outside of Tunisia?
 

Mango Chutney

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Mango, I'm way in the mountains in a remote area. I can't tell you how nice it is to sleep here in silence, except for the wind. My body switched fast from high adrenaline survive mode into deep rest mode, and my body actually HURT waking up. But, being able to have complete privacy in a beautiful mountain area close to some ex-marines and police that are also in the area, has made this healing close to perfect.
It sounds perfect :love: I'm so happy you've found a healing sanctuary in the mountains.....and with the best possible help (and a bit of eyecandy) on your doorstep :)
Tis funny really....I went the other way....silence terrified me...still does! I have music on 24/7 :)
I suspect that if like you, I'd almost been able to find a little hideaway to heal, recovery may have been easier....this God awful PTSD wouldn't have gotten such a grip on me.

Are you a reader? I'm reading a book literally right now, called 'The house on Carnaval Street' (same author as The little coffee shop).....I feel like I'm reading my autobiography. The not feeling like I belonged anywhere until I found Tunisia, the guilt over PTSD.....because I'm not a soldier, the spirituality, the still not feeling I belong, like I've just kinda drifted through these last two years in a spaced out haze, the constant need to look for that special place (with my fellas)....so much of it is me....and it's actually made me cry.

I think that like me....there is so much you will relate to on a personal level in these books.....they make me feel at peace....it's like somebody else understands my inner me and confusion :)

These damn rats just never go, do they :rolleyes:
What do we have to do to make them realise there is no room for them in our lives anymore? That we've moved on, we've sanitised the space they once took.....and will never allow them to contaminate our world with such evil again?
 

Laura2014

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Mango, I'm way in the mountains in a remote area. I can't tell you how nice it is to sleep here in silence, except for the wind. My body switched fast from high adrenaline survive mode into deep rest mode, and my body actually HURT waking up. But, being able to have complete privacy in a beautiful mountain area close to some ex-marines and police that are also in the area, has made this healing close to perfect.

Yesterday and today, my rat tried to rope me back into the marriage through email, and I just kept shooting him down. I know how he wants to play this, in the future (like exploit me more), and I won't allow it to happen. I kept hitting the topics of responsibility hard, and telling him that HE left me with no other choice but to leave, because the marriage was going on without respect and he would not assume any true responsibility for anything. After this, he sent an email today that said basically, well he tried to save the marriage (haha... like going to coffee with bad friends, and being a flake, and still not apologizing for your abuse and behavior?) but now he accepts that I made the decision to divorce, and will not contact me again -- notice it's ME that has to be responsible for the divorce. It's so sick. This simple email actually ripped my emotions pretty bad, so much that I was a little dizzy and surprised. But, I think it was because I have been so relaxed here, instead of being thick-skinned.

It's a big betrayal and I feel a lot of shame about being so stupid, but I'm glad that I'm cutting my losses now instead of later. I'm also so happy to be where I am located currently, because I wanted to return to this place for a LONG time. If all goes well, I will put permanent roots down in this area in the Spring/Summertime.
Don’t ever feel stupid for being a decent person who tried tried and tried again. You did everything you could to make it work. It takes true courage to walk away and start over. I’m glad you have found somewhere which gives you peace after the mayhem.
 

AmberHeart

Lady Amberheart of Gafsa
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Jul 13, 2018
Messages
4,586
Mango, I'm way in the mountains in a remote area. I can't tell you how nice it is to sleep here in silence, except for the wind. My body switched fast from high adrenaline survive mode into deep rest mode, and my body actually HURT waking up. But, being able to have complete privacy in a beautiful mountain area close to some ex-marines and police that are also in the area, has made this healing close to perfect.

Yesterday and today, my rat tried to rope me back into the marriage through email, and I just kept shooting him down. I know how he wants to play this, in the future (like exploit me more), and I won't allow it to happen. I kept hitting the topics of responsibility hard, and telling him that HE left me with no other choice but to leave, because the marriage was going on without respect and he would not assume any true responsibility for anything. After this, he sent an email today that said basically, well he tried to save the marriage (haha... like going to coffee with bad friends, and being a flake, and still not apologizing for your abuse and behavior?) but now he accepts that I made the decision to divorce, and will not contact me again -- notice it's ME that has to be responsible for the divorce. It's so sick. This simple email actually ripped my emotions pretty bad, so much that I was a little dizzy and surprised. But, I think it was because I have been so relaxed here, instead of being thick-skinned.

It's a big betrayal and I feel a lot of shame about being so stupid, but I'm glad that I'm cutting my losses now instead of later. I'm also so happy to be where I am located currently, because I wanted to return to this place for a LONG time. If all goes well, I will put permanent roots down in this area in the Spring/Summertime.
Awww love it! Lots of beautiful things on your way
 

see clearly

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Jul 11, 2016
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1,223
I got relocated at my work, so I suddenly found myself being forced to leave good coworkers whom I have been working with for 10 yrs. and was place in a new office with a bunch of bitches who didn’t like me...! I felt alone, was mentally down and received psychological counseling. Furthermore, I downzised my working hours and started to spend more time on fb debates. One day I just ended up in a work group (searching for a new job) which apparently was overrunned by rats (not only tunesians, but many other nationalities).
I got flattered by the sudden attentions from all those guys and the chats became an escape from the daily life. In the beginning I was interested in the cultural things that they shared, but I soon became aware of their intentions (8 of 10 always ended up asking for financial help, visa invitations or marriages). Before I knew it I stated to develop strong feelings for one of them, as he was always there to listen and comfort me.

Today I got a new job with great coworkers and are back on my feet’s, I still however talk daily with my rat because I love our conversation (he is well educated and has plenty of humor). Untill I found this site, I didn’t really know much about Bezness, but after reading the stories here I have truely become aware of him. His behavior is in many ways the same as you all have described here. The many marriage proposals, sulking, the occasions of a broken phone, the days of silences, the demands, the urge to excape to Europe, the small hints to perhaps buy him stuff without him asking directly for it.

Anyway, don’t worry I’m safe, I would never think of taking it further, I just keep him for my own satisfaction to get attention and interesting conversations, once I get tired of it I might get rid of him ....perhaps I’m the abusing rat in this case:whistle:
Im glad your veil was lifted , i was beginning to think oooo nooo shes still talking to him - one day he will get her at a weak moment or just something - best block and delete im afraid is the way forward. Staying too long in these "conversations" can be dangerous. Im no angle got sucked in good and proper and bled dry . x
 
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