What was your "weakness" when you were hooked by a rat?

Discussion in 'Rat Behavior' started by Myriam, Feb 11, 2018.

  1. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    ha ha thats a good one. I havnt worked out if im racist towards him or the asians. Cat fur is gonna fly thats for sure. I think this guy is white, yet complaining about the asians at the halal abattoir - yet im the one who is pulled up about an alleged racist remark! doesnt make sense! You should have seen the racist crap he was coming out with !!! as hole. But council being council, they take it ever so seriously. Never mind me and nearly having a nervous breakdown. i think the best tactic is i have amnesia from being unconscious for a day or so and likley permanent so cant recall any of it.
     
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  2. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Have had same thought. To stop suffering and questioning why all that had to happen and for such a long term. :/
     
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  3. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    God for you - best decision you will ever make coming from somene mentally mesed upand severly in debt thant ihat i havnt got. TLR keeps you strong and supports you when your weak and for free. It is a god send. Stick with us im 18 months down the line and i feel virtually nothing for my rat. I shall re name him the man. There are much better people out there. Its not a cliche its true. i had a few dips in the water so to speak felt guilty but it was necessary to see other men within reason and vet them. Any antenee twitching forget it. Im actually seing casually an asian bloke more regional than i am in accent. I tend to drift and he chases me and its not stalker type chasing just asks if im ok. Obviouly im warey and my heart is guarded. Give it time. Being with someone isnt evrything lots of love and support sending to you my sweet. You have us, we are much better and much more honerable. Cut ties give yourself time to heal take up a hobby that involves mixing with people if you can face it. Your friend and supporter xxx
     
  4. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Tunisians have a very mixed up ethnicity. They are north-african, mixed with arabs and also mixed with Italians and French.
    The Tunisians are mixed, not white
     
  5. beznessbitch

    beznessbitch Well-Known Member

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    exact same as me xx
     
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  6. RatSnatcher

    RatSnatcher Well-Known Member

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    Mine was cars. He found me on a Facebook page we both are part of. He likes sports cars and so do I. I own 2 of them. The age difference was 4 years. I actually didn't think he was a rat until I learned about their culture and religion. Im Christian so i didn't dabble in their religion or ever researched it. Things were not adding up because he was VERY religious. Right before Ramadan he changed up on me. He was angry I was asking for more of his time. I then stumbled upon TLR. Made an account and inboxed Heidi and Mango. I also learned about Tunisia from Mohamed. It was the amunition I needed. Funny, there were things they could see on his FB that I could not. He made me feel crazy. But I stayed strong and I actually became the petty one. I started to rebel even more against him and his true colors came out. The feelings for him just went away. Weird, but they really did. Now I try to help others because for 6 months this guy was in complete control.

    Basically, I took my power back. when I saw him for what he truly was, nothing could make me love him again. He's a snake and I truly don't like snakes.
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2018
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  7. beznessbitch

    beznessbitch Well-Known Member

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    good on you girl x
     
  8. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Mine was responsibility over his health. He made me responsible for his ailing health -- even though everything started after a fight with his gay friend. That friend, after drinking with him, clocked him in the right temple. This caused him to develop PTSD. But, of course, it was NEVER this friend's fault... it was mine, because I had tried to end the relationship so many times, because my instincts were screaming run away. But, every single time, I felt so awful, because he was sick. Literally the week before, he sounded like he was on the verge of death, and in truth, when I arrived he was in bad shape. I took responsibility over all of that, and he really had me going that it was all caused by me. But, funny enough, when that friend came around, his symptoms got worse. I eventually developed a theory that he was getting PTSD symptoms because of having to end this relationship with this gay friend -- and that this was utterly traumatic for him, as well as trying to keep the front up that he was in love with me, to secure his exit from Tunisia and his long term goals.

    It's so sick and sad that I assumed responsibility over all of this, and it does speak to a degree of problems in my own thinking. It was my own sensitivity, at a difficult time of my life, that led me to develop this relationship with him. Of course, feeling attracted to him, believing in his innocence, and assuming the best stupidly, didn't help and only compounded everything. But, I got keen when I could see how brutal his judgment was and how much he lacked remorse for me, at all -- like never picking up like a man should to defend our relationship and marriage; like for instance, saying we should live in Tunisia and start slow, get ourselves established, like a normal man would. It was always fast forward towards immigration. That plus the information here, and learning the end goal, helped me turn cold and switch into instant survival, strategic mode to get the ball rolling and get out -- also making sure it would get reported.
     
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  9. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    I can really relate to this. I've written on here a couple of times about my guilt when I left him, feeling like a failure....because I had failed in my duty of care.
    I felt like his carer, his nurse, his bodyguard keeping him out of fights etc....I felt like I'd left him vulnerable...because I'd walked away :oops:
    Strange isn't it, how we become so protective of them and feel the need to look after them, but I guess this comes down to the childish behaviour they demonstrate. He beat me: It was my fault. He sneezed: He had flu, he was dying etc. I felt like I was raising a fifth son.
    If I was poorly, he was great with me....it was almost as though he thrived on my temporary weakness.
    Mine was the death threats to my kids.....my protective instinct kicked in, and yes.....survival mode. I took every beating I had to, to ensure I had everything necessary for a thorough reporting. T'was silly really, I'd already handed the authorities enough information....but I couldn't let it go....I stayed and stayed and stayed, for more and more and more. I think emotionally....I just wasn't ready to let him go yet.....my heart still fought with my head....but the messages from my head were stronger.
    We have so many similarities :)
    How are you coping with life outside of Tunisia?
     
  10. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Mango, I'm way in the mountains in a remote area. I can't tell you how nice it is to sleep here in silence, except for the wind. My body switched fast from high adrenaline survive mode into deep rest mode, and my body actually HURT waking up. But, being able to have complete privacy in a beautiful mountain area close to some ex-marines and police that are also in the area, has made this healing close to perfect.

    Yesterday and today, my rat tried to rope me back into the marriage through email, and I just kept shooting him down. I know how he wants to play this, in the future (like exploit me more), and I won't allow it to happen. I kept hitting the topics of responsibility hard, and telling him that HE left me with no other choice but to leave, because the marriage was going on without respect and he would not assume any true responsibility for anything. After this, he sent an email today that said basically, well he tried to save the marriage (haha... like going to coffee with bad friends, and being a flake, and still not apologizing for your abuse and behavior?) but now he accepts that I made the decision to divorce, and will not contact me again -- notice it's ME that has to be responsible for the divorce. It's so sick. This simple email actually ripped my emotions pretty bad, so much that I was a little dizzy and surprised. But, I think it was because I have been so relaxed here, instead of being thick-skinned.

    It's a big betrayal and I feel a lot of shame about being so stupid, but I'm glad that I'm cutting my losses now instead of later. I'm also so happy to be where I am located currently, because I wanted to return to this place for a LONG time. If all goes well, I will put permanent roots down in this area in the Spring/Summertime.
     
  11. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    It sounds perfect :love: I'm so happy you've found a healing sanctuary in the mountains.....and with the best possible help (and a bit of eyecandy) on your doorstep :)
    Tis funny really....I went the other way....silence terrified me...still does! I have music on 24/7 :)
    I suspect that if like you, I'd almost been able to find a little hideaway to heal, recovery may have been easier....this God awful PTSD wouldn't have gotten such a grip on me.

    Are you a reader? I'm reading a book literally right now, called 'The house on Carnaval Street' (same author as The little coffee shop).....I feel like I'm reading my autobiography. The not feeling like I belonged anywhere until I found Tunisia, the guilt over PTSD.....because I'm not a soldier, the spirituality, the still not feeling I belong, like I've just kinda drifted through these last two years in a spaced out haze, the constant need to look for that special place (with my fellas)....so much of it is me....and it's actually made me cry.

    I think that like me....there is so much you will relate to on a personal level in these books.....they make me feel at peace....it's like somebody else understands my inner me and confusion :)

    These damn rats just never go, do they :rolleyes:
    What do we have to do to make them realise there is no room for them in our lives anymore? That we've moved on, we've sanitised the space they once took.....and will never allow them to contaminate our world with such evil again?
     
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  12. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Remote area, mountains, marines and police. You must be able to concoct some kind of rescue mission!
     
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  13. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Don’t ever feel stupid for being a decent person who tried tried and tried again. You did everything you could to make it work. It takes true courage to walk away and start over. I’m glad you have found somewhere which gives you peace after the mayhem.
     
  14. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    No, it all just fell together randomly. I'm extremely thankful, too.
     
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  15. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Awww love it! Lots of beautiful things on your way
     
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  16. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    Im glad your veil was lifted , i was beginning to think oooo nooo shes still talking to him - one day he will get her at a weak moment or just something - best block and delete im afraid is the way forward. Staying too long in these "conversations" can be dangerous. Im no angle got sucked in good and proper and bled dry . x
     
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