Why do married Tunisian men have relationships with European women?

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Cita

Guest
Hi Everyone

Wondering what your thoughts are? As you may know I have recently discovered (6 days ago) my Tunisian boyfriend (now ex):cry:is married to a Tunisian woman, lives with her and has 2 children with her. He led me to believe he was separated from her, did not live with her and had 1child with her. He was just hoping to divorce her when he could afford to. Even told me that he has to pay 170 dinars a month to her and the 1 child:hmm:

This man "chased" me from day one, and when not in Tunisia I received relentless text messages and calls ...all so serious and believable. What did he want? why did he lie? (even about how many children he has)?

The main question is: why do married Tunisian men have "serious" relationships with European women? are they unhappy with their life, their wife or what ?
 
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dar142

Guest
excitement
money
sex
visa
because they can!!
some men marry so they can get a visa make good money save then return to there wife and live a better life because they have money to do so
Some manage to bring there family to where they reside
It's not nice but it happens
 
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Caramel

Guest
some men marry so they can get a visa make good money save then return to there wife and live a better life because they have money to do so
Some manage to bring there family to where they reside
It's not nice but it happens
In many cases the Tunisian wife or family members are in on this because they know it will bring money in for the family. The women are prepared to put up with this because in the end the men will always return to their culture.
 
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Cita

Guest
In many cases the Tunisian wife or family members are in on this because they know it will bring money in for the family. The women are prepared to put up with this because in the end the men will always return to their culture.
Yes I am beginning to think that surely his wife must have known something - of course I thought she was living in North Tunisia not with him!! (his "friend" work colleague - my informant had also hinted to me in the past that I wasn't the only girlfriend) .... his wife must have questioned his whereabouts and phone calls etc. How can these women put up with it, are they really that desperate?
 
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Liana

Guest
Usually men or rather males chose to pick one woman for life( children,housekeeping,everyday access to sex) ,however, as soon as a male achieves that he starts leaving his cave which he has carefully signed with his smell looking for new females.In Tunisia it can be much the same + the most important factor= an opportunity of access to social upgrading in the form of money that can be taken from someone or earned abroad and brought back to the cave
 
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Cita

Guest
In many cases the Tunisian wife or family members are in on this because they know it will bring money in for the family. The women are prepared to put up with this because in the end the men will always return to their culture.
But what sort of people are they? don't they have any morality whatsoever or any conscience??... if this is the accepted in their culture.
 

alAzima

Administrator & Voice of Reason
There could be many answers to that question, as varied as the all the men who are doing it.

Some are doing it for financial gain only. They are not able to make a life and support their family or wife and they enter these relationships hoping to get money, gifts, or a visa to work abroad and support their families.

Sometimes the Tunisian wife knows about and accepts it so that she can have a better future for herself and her children and other times she has absolutely no idea and would be shocked if she knew what was going on. Perhaps if he's getting money from the European woman, he's lying to his wife about the source and she thinks it is coming from his wages.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with money or gain and it's the same reason that a man from any other culture would do this ; cheating, excitement, boredom, because he can, etc.

Or it could be a combination of all of the above.

It is *not* accepted in Tunisian culture by any Tunisian with any moral standards. Cheating on your spouse and lying are completely forbidden in Islam and this would fall under both of those. It is haram and it's something that I don't think most Tunisians would condone. I'd imagine it's something that's more swept under the rug than discussed with one's family and friends.

Too many people lack good solid moral fiber and it's a shame.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this but glad that you did find out before you married and brought him to your country and possibly lost even more. (f)
 
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Liana

Guest
To my knowledge -This is a generally socially accepted attitude in third world countries even more so in black Africa:puke: I t must be so due to the fact that many of them feel there is economical injustice in the world and partly blame Westerners for this situations ,therefore, when given a chance they help themselves to their riches correcting the financial imbalance, I guess.:innocent:
 
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Cita

Guest
There could be many answers to that question, as varied as the all the men who are doing it.

Some are doing it for financial gain only. They are not able to make a life and support their family or wife and they enter these relationships hoping to get money, gifts, or a visa to work abroad and support their families.

Sometimes the Tunisian wife knows about and accepts it so that she can have a better future for herself and her children and other times she has absolutely no idea and would be shocked if she knew what was going on. Perhaps if he's getting money from the European woman, he's lying to his wife about the source and she thinks it is coming from his wages.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with money or gain and it's the same reason that a man from any other culture would do this ; cheating, excitement, boredom, because he can, etc.

Or it could be a combination of all of the above.

It is *not* accepted in Tunisian culture by any Tunisian with any moral standards. Cheating on your spouse and lying are completely forbidden in Islam and this would fall under both of those. It is haram and it's something that I don't think most Tunisians would condone. I'd imagine it's something that's more swept under the rug than discussed with one's family and friends.

Too many people lack good solid moral fiber and it's a shame.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this but glad that you did find out before you married and brought him to your country and possibly lost even more. (f)
Many thanks for your interesting insight. Yes I agree it could be a combination of all of the above. I hope deep in my heart his wife knew nothing and would be shocked, but somehow now I have my doubts?? Good to hear this is not accepted in Tunisian culture...beginning to think it was.

Yes it's good I found out now, as hard as it is to accept.(f)
 
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Cita

Guest
To my knowledge -This is a generally socially accepted attitude in third world countries even more so in black Africa:puke: I t must be so due to the fact that many of them feel there is economical injustice in the world and partly blame Westerners for this situations ,therefore, when given a chance they help themselves to their riches correcting the financial imbalance, I guess.:innocent:
Very interesting, I agree, but such a shame. However I find it difficult to accept that Tunisians, especially women have such a difficult life. So I think the blame comes into play here. If only they knew the reality. Believe me life here ain't easy, yes I go on holiday only in recent years(to see him..of course, but no more!!) however I struggle to do this, but that is and was my choice and I accept this... and these are some of the better days in my life. I have gone without food many a night in my life, but would never sink so low to allow a husband to prostitute himself!!
 

Ben

Administrator
There is more to this... I will give my "modest" insight :ben::ben: when I'm done with updating the site
 
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Liana

Guest
Coming back to the Tunisian wives knowing their guys are doing this...well they not always know/ sometimes they do but it must be some kind of pathological background if the whole family approves of that.


Personally, I heard of a man and have seen him, too - who receives many gifts from Western women WHO KNOW HE IS MARRIED AND BRING AND SENT HIM CLOTHES FOR HIS KIDS, CANDY AND COSMETICS. This man sells these things around local shops !!! and believe it or not for the money he gets he buys his very beautiful,sexy and shameless wife ( she looks like a whore according to Tunisian standards and even Western )who I have seen with my own eyes coming to the shop where he sold the presents from his Western lovers( without her knowing).Many a time this case made me wonder...
 
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Cita

Guest
Coming back to the Tunisian wives knowing their guys are doing this...well they not always know/ sometimes they do but it must be some kind of pathological background if the whole family approves of that.


Personally, I heard of a man and have seen him, too - who receives many gifts from Western women WHO KNOW HE IS MARRIED AND BRING AND SENT HIM CLOTHES FOR HIS KIDS, CANDY AND COSMETICS. This man sells these things around local shops !!! and believe it or not for the money he gets he buys his very beautiful,sexy and shameless wife ( she looks like a whore according to Tunisian standards and even Western )who I have seen with my own eyes coming to the shop where he sold the presents from his Western lovers( without her knowing).Many a time this case made me wonder...
Yes it makes me wonder too, yes I know of a Tunisian man head waiter at a "respectable" hotel who has 2 or 3 European women who bring him "presents" at least one of these women know of this and she doesn't mind:huh:...can't understand what they all want from each other, and again are all these people so desperate in their lives...I don't think so...again I come back to greed and a complete lack of respect and morality for anyone. Their lives are not that bad this I know for sure, and yet do they know or care about the destruction and grief they cause to the innocent ones??
 
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Liana

Guest
The world is a jungle Cita. Morality and values have been invented to control people because they would kill one another in hunt of sex, food and wealth. Tunisia is no exception. This happens all around the globe and there are even worse things than that. Cheer up! Things happen and will be happening if we want to stop them or not.:(
 
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Caramel

Guest
But what sort of people are they? don't they have any morality whatsoever or any conscience??... if this is the accepted in their culture.
Seems to be the acceptance for the corrupt or immoral ones.
 
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DizziBlonde

Guest
I have seen this many times, men with european women and their wifes knowing *turning the other cheek* the men get the gifts for his sisters *wife* clothes for their sisters children his mum wants a certain type of perfume, funny how they plead poverty but they know how much a bottle of chanel no5 costs.

We where once friends with a lady that worked in the hotel hairdressers, we would visit her home take things for her little girl, when she got pregnant with her son we filled 2 extra suit cases full of clothes and baby things, not because she asked but because we wanted to, We called a halt to the friendship when she started to ask for whiskey and vodka for her husband then she began ringing and asking my mum for money .... so its not just the men.
 
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Cita

Guest
I have seen this many times, men with european women and their wifes knowing *turning the other cheek* the men get the gifts for his sisters *wife* clothes for their sisters children his mum wants a certain type of perfume, funny how they plead poverty but they know how much a bottle of chanel no5 costs.

We where once friends with a lady that worked in the hotel hairdressers, we would visit her home take things for her little girl, when she got pregnant with her son we filled 2 extra suit cases full of clothes and baby things, not because she asked but because we wanted to, We called a halt to the friendship when she started to ask for whiskey and vodka for her husband then she began ringing and asking my mum for money .... so its not just the men.
Yes ...my now ex did seem to wear some very "nice" clothes, much more expensive looking than mine! :hmm:for someone whose job is a waiter and now I know has a wife and 2 children he would often mention how difficult his life has been...(mine too mate !!)

I chatted to a guest one evening, a man from Belgium, he told me how the cleaning women in the hotel would often approach him offering sex for money, he was quite shocked by it.

I still can't get over how the wives can just look the other way while their husbands quite openly have relationships with other women, and how these men don't give a shit about who they hurt along the way.
 
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DizziBlonde

Guest
i remember with this "friend" when ever we visited her house we would always give the children 20 dinars each not a huge amount but we always took gifts, then before we left we would leave 50 dinars on the table under a plate, 50 dinars isnt a lot to us either but to her it was, she invited us into hr home, made us feel welcome almost like family we could see the poverty she lived in.

Then she started texting my mum, saying her daughter needed a big operation and needed £500. At first we chatted about it with a few friends that had been to tunisia with us and we decided that we would each contribute £100, i would buy her pyjama's, slippers and stuff for her stay in hospital and take them over with me and give her the money then but she didnt want that she wanted me to send it via western union that day not the following week when i was going in the end smelling a rat i gave everyone their money back and didnt give her anything.

Since then she has cooled off the friendship, when we do see her now she always asks for chocolate and perfume. I ignore her requests, I am not a selfish person and will give anyone anything and help anyone but dont take the p*ss.
 
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Caramel

Guest
I have seen this many times, men with european women and their wifes knowing *turning the other cheek* the men get the gifts for his sisters *wife* clothes for their sisters children his mum wants a certain type of perfume, funny how they plead poverty but they know how much a bottle of chanel no5 costs.

We where once friends with a lady that worked in the hotel hairdressers, we would visit her home take things for her little girl, when she got pregnant with her son we filled 2 extra suit cases full of clothes and baby things, not because she asked but because we wanted to, We called a halt to the friendship when she started to ask for whiskey and vodka for her husband then she began ringing and asking my mum for money .... so its not just the men.
You have a good heart Dizzi. I used to do the same.
 
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WouldI

Guest
I used to do similar things with people I met along the way in Tunisia, but it seems that being a giving person sends a message that you are a lifetime resource!! It's really offensive to us I guess because it's culturally unnacceptable to directly ask for things such as money and gifts - soooooo rude!!! Anyway, I'm hardened now (well, not completely...^_^)
 
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the highlander

Well-Known Member
Hi there
Life is wierd and throws things at us all, no matter where we live be it north south east or west,
The reason this happens wether it is in north africa for males or the far east for females (the catalogue brides) its because WE allow it.
by that i mean if the ladies that get caught up by bezness dont wake up and see it for what it is then it will continue
what these guys or even some girls do is wrong but who really is to blame.
ask this simple question ? we are normally not talking of teenagers with no life expeirence here we are talking about so called savvy people
why cant adult females in the case of tunisia and north africa not just go for a holiday, why cant they see it for what it is
to be controversial, do these same ladies go anywhere else ie spain greece and sleep with anybody that spins a line?
believe me i will not stand up for the lowlife that is a tunisian love rat or rattess but if you dont leave the bait laying around the the rats cant nibble
these guys see an easy way to a better life either way they gain (money and gifts sent to them or a better life in the eu)
the main diference between the cat bride and tunisian rat is the cat bride is up front where as the tunisia rat is really not interested in finding a partner just an easy better life
ora best
the hairy one
 
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Veritas

Guest
I used to do similar things with people I met along the way in Tunisia, but it seems that being a giving person sends a message that you are a lifetime resource!! It's really offensive to us I guess because it's culturally unnacceptable to directly ask for things such as money and gifts - soooooo rude!!! Anyway, I'm hardened now (well, not completely...^_^)
I have to be honest I love to take little presents to give to my loved ones, whether I'm going home to Portugal or Tunisia, but if anyone DARES to assume - I have a duty to do so....!!!! Then I think my look says it all <_<....from that moment onwards; I go deaf! :coffee:....Just so - I can spare them my 'bluntness'!! :O The cheek!!!!:mad: Anyway so far so good! :tongue: Otherwise.......:under::ben:
 
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Cita

Guest
Hi there
Life is wierd and throws things at us all, no matter where we live be it north south east or west,
The reason this happens wether it is in north africa for males or the far east for females (the catalogue brides) its because WE allow it.
by that i mean if the ladies that get caught up by bezness dont wake up and see it for what it is then it will continue
what these guys or even some girls do is wrong but who really is to blame.
ask this simple question ? we are normally not talking of teenagers with no life expeirence here we are talking about so called savvy people
why cant adult females in the case of tunisia and north africa not just go for a holiday, why cant they see it for what it is
to be controversial, do these same ladies go anywhere else ie spain greece and sleep with anybody that spins a line?
believe me i will not stand up for the lowlife that is a tunisian love rat or rattess but if you dont leave the bait laying around the the rats cant nibble
these guys see an easy way to a better life either way they gain (money and gifts sent to them or a better life in the eu)
the main diference between the cat bride and tunisian rat is the cat bride is up front where as the tunisia rat is really not interested in finding a partner just an easy better life
ora best
the hairy one
Yes fair comment, although I think these rat guys set a very good believable trap. In my case presents or money didn't come into the picture, although since I discovered the truth about him 1 week ago and have tried to put the puzzle together, I am pretty sure now that in time this may well have been the case. (Although I haven't any spare money for anyone)

Another thought ...this man claimed to be so in love with me and he hoped I would be his love forever, are some dissatisfied with their lives and wives but divorce is really not an option or is it all lies and just a cruel means to an end?
 
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WouldI

Guest
I have to be honest I love to take little presents to give to my loved ones, whether I'm going home to Portugal or Tunisia, but if anyone DARES to assume - I have a duty to do so....!!!! Then I think my look says it all <_<....from that moment onwards; I go deaf! :coffee:....Just so - I can spare them my 'bluntness'!! :O The cheek!!!!:mad: Anyway so far so good! :tongue: Otherwise.......:under::ben:
Completely agree Vera!!! Now, for Christmas, I'd like you to buy me a large bottle of Jean Paul Gaultier Classique please - they'll probably have a special edition out, so that's the one you can give me :whistle::rofl:
 
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the highlander

Well-Known Member
cita

Hi there
what can i say about guys and lies to get what they want. thats not just a man trait lol
but as far as your man is concerned or ex man he may well have been in a loveless marriage or what ever kind of relattionship but if all he wants if female friends then why not come clean instead of playing the game with the love lines?
as i dont know him i can only talk in general terms sorry
the reason as i see it is if they came clean and went around with a begging bowl telling the tourists they were poor and wages were bad and hrs long then they would be told to take a hike
and tunisia would end up with a bad reputation (although some posts on holiday websites dont really give the area a good name anyways)
the only advice is to look to yourself if like my friend you realise you were played then swicth off your phone and have no contact at all with him and then move on
but keeping your wits about you
all the best the hairy one
 
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DizziBlonde

Guest
I had travelled to tunisia for 5 years before i ever got involved with anyone. I had lots of friends but simply wasnt interested..

Myself and my mum had been staying at one hotel for the 5 years and one of the managers there asked me out everytime we visited, every time i said no, he begged my mum to change my mind even she said he was lovely but i wouldnt, the first guy i ever went for coffee was a french guy working there and we where together 9 months :)
 
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Cita

Guest
Hi there
what can i say about guys and lies to get what they want. thats not just a man trait lol
but as far as your man is concerned or ex man he may well have been in a loveless marriage or what ever kind of relattionship but if all he wants if female friends then why not come clean instead of playing the game with the love lines?
as i dont know him i can only talk in general terms sorry
the reason as i see it is if they came clean and went around with a begging bowl telling the tourists they were poor and wages were bad and hrs long then they would be told to take a hike
and tunisia would end up with a bad reputation (although some posts on holiday websites dont really give the area a good name anyways)
the only advice is to look to yourself if like my friend you realise you were played then swicth off your phone and have no contact at all with him and then move on
but keeping your wits about you
all the best the hairy one
Interesting insight and I think you are probably right as difficult as it is to fully "comprehend", and come to terms with, but it makes sense. Many thanks for your point of view.
 

Tunisianbelle

'Don't call me Darling!' Mod
I just have to say that they are not just asking foreigners. Tunisians ask and expect things from their own family anytime they travel.

When hubby was leaving the US the first time, he had so many gifts to take back. I was helping him pack and found it so odd that he would be taking so many gifts back and was suspicious that maybe he had a girlfriend in Tunisia. However, after living here and knowing the culture, I know he was bringing gifts for the family. Everytime him and I travel together, we buy gifts for the family. When hubby travels by himself, he buys gifts for the famly. When I travel by myself, I buy gifts for the family. By the same token though, when one of te family travels, they always bring us gifts as well - it's just something that is done here. It's a gesture to show that you are thinking of your family and that you love them. And honestly, who doesn't like to recieve presents?

Hubby does have one aunt though that takes things too far. She asks hubby to buy certain things when he is Europe that are available here in Tunisia. The reason she wants hubby to buy it thought is because she wants to be able to say she got it from France, or Germany, or somewhere else. Once she asked for a hair curler, and hubby bought her one, but she didn't like it and refused to take it.
 
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WouldI

Guest
Yep, I agree Tb - I love buying gifts for people (more than I enjoy buying for myself in fact), and we always take gifts to Tunisia for hubby's family (usually chocolate and things that they can't source easily or as cheaply there) and return with gifts for my family LOL. If we take big tins of chocolates my MIL always divides them into smaller portions and bags them up to distribute to the neighbours - so our gift stretches even further LOL!! I think it's people with the mentality of the aunt you describe that leave a bad taste in your mouth -that attitude is just plain ugly.
 
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