Why does he hurt me

AmberHeart

Lady Amberheart of Gafsa
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But your instance was different, you thought it was a relationship, you were planning a wedding, you were planning to go and meet him....you thought it was a genuine relationship, so in your instance, I understand more, but with Galetta’s rat, it’s just a friendship, he is a little boy that hasn’t declared love, asked for marriage, promised her a future....this is why I just don’t get it :confused:
And even this was my very embarrassing case :oops: making consciousness it wasn’t real, just an illusion made that next step possible. It’s very important to understand that indeed it doesn’t exist.
Even their supposedly friendship isn’t real it’s just the excuse to ask for favors whenever suits them.
 

Mango Chutney

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And even this was my very embarrassing case :oops: making consciousness it wasn’t real, just an illusion made that next step possible. It’s very important to understand that indeed it doesn’t exist.
Even their supposedly friendship isn’t real it’s just the excuse to ask for favors whenever suits them.
Yes, no love, no friendship albeit online or real life....it’s all about their own personal benefits.

Don’t feel so embarrassed, you thought it was a genuine LDR....these relationships exist and often work...but not in bezness.

Sure, there will be an element of embarrassment....I cringe every time I see the ugly kid I wasted time on...but I don’t feel embarrassed of myself, I loved and trusted, as did you.....I feel embarrassed OF him and FOR him ....he is a shameless prostitute with no prospects....a coffee shop whore.
 

AmberHeart

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Yes, no love, no friendship albeit online or real life....it’s all about their own personal benefits.

Don’t feel so embarrassed, you thought it was a genuine LDR....these relationships exist and often work...but not in bezness.

Sure, there will be an element of embarrassment....I cringe every time I see the ugly kid I wasted time on...but I don’t feel embarrassed of myself, I loved and trusted, as did you.....I feel embarrassed OF him and FOR him ....he is a shameless prostitute with no prospects....a coffee shop whore.
Absolutely right Miss Mango :love: xx
 

Brasilgirl

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So..you honestly think he wouldn’t miss me A bit if I left? Sorry if I sound so naive but I still feel there must be an ounce of humanity in there?
I’m pretty sure he’ll have someone else in your time slot in a matter of a few days.
This is a job to them. You are a mark. That’s it. Even if he hasn’t asked you for money or suggested he needs money. He knows he has you hooked now and his game will start to change.
 

Brasilgirl

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I just kinda realized why she's doing this... and I can only project my assumptions... but, here's this Tunisian rat that love bombs her, is very romantic, and they're so close, BUT there's no TRUE intimacy. Like, she's involved, and he's involved... they're both with or planning to be with other people. This relationship fills some sort of need to be needed, to be loved, to be given romance in a "safe but lacking intimacy" sort of way, while maintaining other areas of her life she is not addressing, like... why she is in such an unhappy situation, and why she has not looked at other areas of her life. I think this rat has become her ESCAPE, and so that's why he's so toxic and potent for her.

He's become her fast avenue to fill the void of her life privately, with full control, while not addressing other areas of her life that need to be looked at, so of course she will have a white knuckle grip on this guy. I'm no psychologist, but I can see why leaving her rat will cause her to not only let go of an easy and potent source of affection (that lacks true and honest intimacy), her feelings of comfort of always being able to return to this source of affection, but also her blindness towards other areas of her life that have caused her to end up in this situation.

So, this has been going on for 5 years. A very long time. We all know how powerful experts Tunisian rats are at "filling an emotional void by love bombing us"... providing affection and love we didn't even notice we wanted and needed, and then pulling the strings of control until they turn into the strategic, manipulative monsters they really are... this guy probably LOVES the fact that he has become such a permanent fixture in her life - it must boost his ego A LOT. And, these guys love the control, they expect the control.

So, anyways. I'm finished analyzing this from an amateur perspective. But, Galleta, if you haven't seen this for yourself, I think this guy is your escape from reality... and reality is calling you to return home now!
I don’t know that he ‘love bombs’ her, but I agree he fills a void. I know my rat filled a void in my life and I would have became friends without the love declarations, I know that. I needed someone to be there for me, even just to talk and listen. It is going to be really hard for her to let go without someone to fill in. I had a really hard time because I had no one to fill in. I became so lonely after and I did go back a couple of times, but each time I felt less. TLR was my vice. It still is especially for those low times.
Leaving the rat started a roller coaster of emotions for me. High ups and really really low downs. It eventually pretty much levelled off, after a year, but it still has a few bumps here and there. After five years, it’s not just leaving him that will be hard for her, it’s a big life style change.
 

Meis

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My feelings for him are more complex than the fact he makes me feel young and attractive ( although I won’t lie, maybe there’s a bit of that too) . I genuinely feel a connection and care for him so much on a non - physical level - maybe as a son ? I feel so protective over him and genuinely care for him on so many levels that I feel that playing a harder game on him and ignoring him completely will feel very uncomfortable for me and will hurt me as well.

I wonder if there’s some way of making him regret even for a moment the fact that he’s treated me like this and is losing me
No there is no way of making him feel like that
He will drop you like a stone
With no regret at all
Only regret he’ll have is that he never got more from you !!
Believe me they feel no empathy
It takes a long time to recover from men like this but you have to be strong now to avoid more pain in the future
 

Amira

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Thanks for this - apart from post it notes ... any practical tips to completely avoid him in evenings/ nights? In the day I’m fine but by now i get withdrawal symptoms - I really miss him and know I will fall again .
It takes a long time to recover from men like this but you have to be strong now to avoid more pain in the future
It is true but one sees things share very happy that I found this site because it has really opened my eyes and no we should not accept all of a man it is wrong.

Unfortunately, I think he makes fun of her as long as he knows she has feelings for him so he is one who exploits this and Tunisian men have no good reputation for what I have read would have been extremely skeptical if I became in love with a tuniser.
 

Mystery

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I really need to ask what are you hoping for the end goal ?
To continue with this man supporting him all his life ?. Your feelings for him is somewhat romantic. I will give you a suggestion, tell him your going to Tunisia to meet him and his family.
Instead of giving him money pay for a flight/hotel go there meet him see who he really is. Then you will have no doubts about this mother and son romantic relationship.
Go on a girls holiday to mahaban beach hotel sit and observe how they work, you will even get more than a mother and son relationship.
This guy been working on you for 5 years he can work on you for another 15 as long as he is getting some thing from you he will invest his time.
Seriously though your days are sat waiting for a message a call from this guy it's the highlight of your days. I don't know what country your from but if your in the UK we could go for a coffee I could show you the true extent of what a north African guy is all about the depth of pain they will put you through your hurting now from this guy but in real life your pain will be 3 fold.
They are con artists they can charm the pants off you. They know what you want to hear, he's a child block unblock Wtf it's a stupid childish game.
 

Amira

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They are con artists they can charm the pants off you.
It is 100% true that they are good players and she met him online, sure he has other women he is trying to get. They do not let them have managed to achieve what they are looking for. Think they can only fall in love with a local girl (not tourist girls) they look at us as easy.
 

Brasilgirl

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It's unreal that they play with us but unfortunately they do
I’m sure they all have victims they prefer to talk to over others. Just like we all have aqaintances we prefer over others. But they won’t drop any of them if they have potential to give. And a visa is a more difficult catch for them. He’s probably thinking five years looks like a good relationship to put on a visa application.
 

Brasilgirl

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I really need to ask what are you hoping for the end goal ?
To continue with this man supporting him all his life ?. Your feelings for him is somewhat romantic. I will give you a suggestion, tell him your going to Tunisia to meet him and his family.
Instead of giving him money pay for a flight/hotel go there meet him see who he really is. Then you will have no doubts about this mother and son romantic relationship.
Go on a girls holiday to mahaban beach hotel sit and observe how they work, you will even get more than a mother and son relationship.
This guy been working on you for 5 years he can work on you for another 15 as long as he is getting some thing from you he will invest his time.
Seriously though your days are sat waiting for a message a call from this guy it's the highlight of your days. I don't know what country your from but if your in the UK we could go for a coffee I could show you the true extent of what a north African guy is all about the depth of pain they will put you through your hurting now from this guy but in real life your pain will be 3 fold.
They are con artists they can charm the pants off you. They know what you want to hear, he's a child block unblock Wtf it's a stupid childish game.
The blocking game is part of the plan. It makes the victim panic. It primes the victim to feel she has to prove her love. I think it gets into the subconscious. These rats are trained at brainwashing and manipulating. If it looks childish, we see it that way and don’t see the underlying control techniques. The rat may not know the science behind what he does, but he does know what works for him. If he follows the rat book, he doesn’t beleive he can fail.
If things are going too well and calm, the rat will even make something up to creste a fight so he can take the blocking step.
If you look at it as a process, you can see the patterns.
 

Galleta

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Thanks for your comments every one , I appreciate it.

Right now I’m hearing what you’re saying but still feel he’s different ( yes I know everybody will say this-)

Jisela pointed out that this is probably me looking for an escape - yes that’s definitely correct.

Right now all this is painful to process plus I’m ill so will be taking all this on board and take some time out to digest

Thanks again everyone
 

Brasilgirl

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Thanks for your comments every one , I appreciate it.

Right now I’m hearing what you’re saying but still feel he’s different ( yes I know everybody will say this-)

Jisela pointed out that this is probably me looking for an escape - yes that’s definitely correct.

Right now all this is painful to process plus I’m ill so will be taking all this on board and take some time out to digest

Thanks again everyone
I completely understand. Just remember that if you’re lonely, TLR is here. We don’t always talk about rats. We have threads on other things too. A few ladies like to talk about food - cakes - travel ( not rat related ). So if you need to vent or just pass some time with non related conversation, you can on a thread or via PM. Recovery from the brainwashing and dependency is a process. It takes time.
:love:
 

Mango Chutney

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Right now I’m hearing what you’re saying but still feel he’s different ( yes I know everybody will say this-)
You are right, once upon a time, we all thought this.
Just remember:
. He manipulates your emotions with talk of other women.
. He blocks you to control you, in the hope you miss him so much, you back down and grant his wish.
. He is brainwashing you.
. He lies to you.
. He asked you for money.

He is typical rat, but of course, you can't see this just yet....none of us could at the beginning.
He is not different, he is textbook rat.

Don't be a stranger. If you are determined to wean yourself away from him and go through the recovery process, you will need us :)
 

Femme Fatale

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You are right, once upon a time, we all thought this.
Just remember:
. He manipulates your emotions with talk of other women.
. He blocks you to control you, in the hope you miss him so much, you back down and grant his wish.
. He is brainwashing you.
. He lies to you.
. He asked you for money.

He is typical rat, but of course, you can't see this just yet....none of us could at the beginning.
He is not different, he is textbook rat.

Don't be a stranger. If you are determined to wean yourself away from him and go through the recovery process, you will need us :)


:love:
This is what I love about TLR. At the end of the day, we will still be here for anyone who needs help. Even if they don’t listen and are going through the transition. I’m hoping that Galleta will come out of this strong and she will live a good life after this rat is long gone.
 

Heidi

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why oh why - when he knows damn well he doesn’t need to - does he always tell me about women he loves and who have hurt him , or how he hopes that soon he will meet the woman of his life ..-and bla bla .
He knows I care about him , even though I know we can only be friends - and he know this talk hurts me so much and make me feel like rubbish .. and why am such an idiot and can’t let go and block
Anyeay sorry for the random useless post - just feeling like crap at the moment and had to let it out
@Galleta, he don't love you and never said that he did. Why do you romanticise as situation which clearly isn't. So you have a crush on him and he don't respond to that. Just give it up. He don't even bother to play the "rat in love" game with you. If you send him money, he'll take it. If not, he'll try to get it from his other victims - simple....
 

Going for the limit

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I am confused and yep i know its easy to confuse me :)
But i dont get whats going on. @Galleta you say that you look at him as a son then the next he is a crush.
I personally dont see this as a rat situation just only a friend situation, he has asked for money only once in this time? He may have fallen on hard times and had no where else to turn, i have had friends and family in the past ask me for financial help.
Just because he is tunisian doesnt make him a rat because i am sure if money was his goal he would of jumped on that band waggon a very long time ago.
I think you do have feelings for him in a romantic way and not a son way otherwise his conversations of meeting someone would not bother you.
You really do need to distance yourself from him because you will get hurt as his feelings for you is not returned in the same way.
 

Amira

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Something is not right . Why would he ask her for money? It doesn't work well even though he's a friend or not. No I don't think this man is good for you. He knows you have feelings for him and he exploits this situation to the worst. It's disgusting
 

Going for the limit

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Something is not right . Why would he ask her for money? It doesn't work well even though he's a friend or not. No I don't think this man is good for you. He knows you have feelings for him and he exploits this situation to the worst. It's disgusting
Possibly he is exploiting the situation but maybe he isnt.
It seems they have been friends for a long time and in my opinion the money would of come a long time ago
 

Amira

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Possibly he is exploiting the situation but maybe he isnt.
It seems they have been friends for a long time and in my opinion the money would of come a long time ago
He knows where he has her and now he has asked for money that is a bad sign? What does she really know about this man nothing but a data screen. I think he has behind thoughts with her. It is not impossible that he is actually a love rat but that he plays very well?
 

Going for the limit

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I dont know there could be possibly 2 sides to this story.
He is manipulating her or he is just literally a friend.
As far as i am aware he doesnt know she has feelings for him?
I just feel if it was money he would of tested the water with this a very long time ago.
I dont know enough of this story to deem him a bezness boy but i do think this friendship has become unhealthy regardless
He has no romantic interest in her and hasnt claimed to either and if he is bezness then he will know now after the blocking situation that he has her in his grip.
She needs to walk away
 

Amira

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I dont know there could be possibly 2 sides to this story.
He is manipulating her or he is just literally a friend.
As far as i am aware he doesnt know she has feelings for him?
I just feel if it was money he would of tested the water with this a very long time ago.
I dont know enough of this story to deem him a bezness boy but i do think this friendship has become unhealthy regardless
He has no romantic interest in her and hasnt claimed to either and if he is bezness then he will know now after the blocking situation that he has her in his grip.
She needs to walk away
Yes she must realize the truth it is right. If he is not a bezness, why is he online? That is strange . After what I've read, have asked for money once? If he is a love ratI i think he hides a lot for her and I also think he is old in this game. He knows 100% what he's doing?
 

Going for the limit

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But he is not a love rat towards her as he hasnt declared any love interest in her.
I cant even recall how they met on line to be honest and how it started but things like on line games can bring people to meet.
Has he any other facebooks? This is possible but i dont know.
He has in my shitty opinion not played a love rat game with her. Does he have other women? Possibly!
But i am certain he would of asked for money a very long time ago to test her regardless if he had a pocket full of money or not. Only generally visa hunters are in it for the long game
 
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