Why does he hurt me

Brasilgirl

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Feb 28, 2018
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It's unreal that they play with us but unfortunately they do
I’m sure they all have victims they prefer to talk to over others. Just like we all have aqaintances we prefer over others. But they won’t drop any of them if they have potential to give. And a visa is a more difficult catch for them. He’s probably thinking five years looks like a good relationship to put on a visa application.
 

Brasilgirl

Senior Rat Expert
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Feb 28, 2018
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I really need to ask what are you hoping for the end goal ?
To continue with this man supporting him all his life ?. Your feelings for him is somewhat romantic. I will give you a suggestion, tell him your going to Tunisia to meet him and his family.
Instead of giving him money pay for a flight/hotel go there meet him see who he really is. Then you will have no doubts about this mother and son romantic relationship.
Go on a girls holiday to mahaban beach hotel sit and observe how they work, you will even get more than a mother and son relationship.
This guy been working on you for 5 years he can work on you for another 15 as long as he is getting some thing from you he will invest his time.
Seriously though your days are sat waiting for a message a call from this guy it's the highlight of your days. I don't know what country your from but if your in the UK we could go for a coffee I could show you the true extent of what a north African guy is all about the depth of pain they will put you through your hurting now from this guy but in real life your pain will be 3 fold.
They are con artists they can charm the pants off you. They know what you want to hear, he's a child block unblock Wtf it's a stupid childish game.
The blocking game is part of the plan. It makes the victim panic. It primes the victim to feel she has to prove her love. I think it gets into the subconscious. These rats are trained at brainwashing and manipulating. If it looks childish, we see it that way and don’t see the underlying control techniques. The rat may not know the science behind what he does, but he does know what works for him. If he follows the rat book, he doesn’t beleive he can fail.
If things are going too well and calm, the rat will even make something up to creste a fight so he can take the blocking step.
If you look at it as a process, you can see the patterns.
 

Jane

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Dec 4, 2017
Messages
174
Thanks for your comments every one , I appreciate it.

Right now I’m hearing what you’re saying but still feel he’s different ( yes I know everybody will say this-)

Jisela pointed out that this is probably me looking for an escape - yes that’s definitely correct.

Right now all this is painful to process plus I’m ill so will be taking all this on board and take some time out to digest

Thanks again everyone
 

Brasilgirl

Senior Rat Expert
Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
2,826
Thanks for your comments every one , I appreciate it.

Right now I’m hearing what you’re saying but still feel he’s different ( yes I know everybody will say this-)

Jisela pointed out that this is probably me looking for an escape - yes that’s definitely correct.

Right now all this is painful to process plus I’m ill so will be taking all this on board and take some time out to digest

Thanks again everyone
I completely understand. Just remember that if you’re lonely, TLR is here. We don’t always talk about rats. We have threads on other things too. A few ladies like to talk about food - cakes - travel ( not rat related ). So if you need to vent or just pass some time with non related conversation, you can on a thread or via PM. Recovery from the brainwashing and dependency is a process. It takes time.
:love:
 

Mango Chutney

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Right now I’m hearing what you’re saying but still feel he’s different ( yes I know everybody will say this-)
You are right, once upon a time, we all thought this.
Just remember:
. He manipulates your emotions with talk of other women.
. He blocks you to control you, in the hope you miss him so much, you back down and grant his wish.
. He is brainwashing you.
. He lies to you.
. He asked you for money.

He is typical rat, but of course, you can't see this just yet....none of us could at the beginning.
He is not different, he is textbook rat.

Don't be a stranger. If you are determined to wean yourself away from him and go through the recovery process, you will need us :)
 

Femme Fatale

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Mar 31, 2018
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You are right, once upon a time, we all thought this.
Just remember:
. He manipulates your emotions with talk of other women.
. He blocks you to control you, in the hope you miss him so much, you back down and grant his wish.
. He is brainwashing you.
. He lies to you.
. He asked you for money.

He is typical rat, but of course, you can't see this just yet....none of us could at the beginning.
He is not different, he is textbook rat.

Don't be a stranger. If you are determined to wean yourself away from him and go through the recovery process, you will need us :)


:love:
This is what I love about TLR. At the end of the day, we will still be here for anyone who needs help. Even if they don’t listen and are going through the transition. I’m hoping that Galleta will come out of this strong and she will live a good life after this rat is long gone.
 

Heidi

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Dec 9, 2009
Messages
14,166
why oh why - when he knows damn well he doesn’t need to - does he always tell me about women he loves and who have hurt him , or how he hopes that soon he will meet the woman of his life ..-and bla bla .
He knows I care about him , even though I know we can only be friends - and he know this talk hurts me so much and make me feel like rubbish .. and why am such an idiot and can’t let go and block
Anyeay sorry for the random useless post - just feeling like crap at the moment and had to let it out
@Galleta, he don't love you and never said that he did. Why do you romanticise as situation which clearly isn't. So you have a crush on him and he don't respond to that. Just give it up. He don't even bother to play the "rat in love" game with you. If you send him money, he'll take it. If not, he'll try to get it from his other victims - simple....
 
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I am confused and yep i know its easy to confuse me :)
But i dont get whats going on. @Galleta you say that you look at him as a son then the next he is a crush.
I personally dont see this as a rat situation just only a friend situation, he has asked for money only once in this time? He may have fallen on hard times and had no where else to turn, i have had friends and family in the past ask me for financial help.
Just because he is tunisian doesnt make him a rat because i am sure if money was his goal he would of jumped on that band waggon a very long time ago.
I think you do have feelings for him in a romantic way and not a son way otherwise his conversations of meeting someone would not bother you.
You really do need to distance yourself from him because you will get hurt as his feelings for you is not returned in the same way.
 

Amira

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Something is not right . Why would he ask her for money? It doesn't work well even though he's a friend or not. No I don't think this man is good for you. He knows you have feelings for him and he exploits this situation to the worst. It's disgusting
 
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Something is not right . Why would he ask her for money? It doesn't work well even though he's a friend or not. No I don't think this man is good for you. He knows you have feelings for him and he exploits this situation to the worst. It's disgusting
Possibly he is exploiting the situation but maybe he isnt.
It seems they have been friends for a long time and in my opinion the money would of come a long time ago
 

Amira

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Possibly he is exploiting the situation but maybe he isnt.
It seems they have been friends for a long time and in my opinion the money would of come a long time ago
He knows where he has her and now he has asked for money that is a bad sign? What does she really know about this man nothing but a data screen. I think he has behind thoughts with her. It is not impossible that he is actually a love rat but that he plays very well?
 
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I dont know there could be possibly 2 sides to this story.
He is manipulating her or he is just literally a friend.
As far as i am aware he doesnt know she has feelings for him?
I just feel if it was money he would of tested the water with this a very long time ago.
I dont know enough of this story to deem him a bezness boy but i do think this friendship has become unhealthy regardless
He has no romantic interest in her and hasnt claimed to either and if he is bezness then he will know now after the blocking situation that he has her in his grip.
She needs to walk away
 

Amira

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I dont know there could be possibly 2 sides to this story.
He is manipulating her or he is just literally a friend.
As far as i am aware he doesnt know she has feelings for him?
I just feel if it was money he would of tested the water with this a very long time ago.
I dont know enough of this story to deem him a bezness boy but i do think this friendship has become unhealthy regardless
He has no romantic interest in her and hasnt claimed to either and if he is bezness then he will know now after the blocking situation that he has her in his grip.
She needs to walk away
Yes she must realize the truth it is right. If he is not a bezness, why is he online? That is strange . After what I've read, have asked for money once? If he is a love ratI i think he hides a lot for her and I also think he is old in this game. He knows 100% what he's doing?
 
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But he is not a love rat towards her as he hasnt declared any love interest in her.
I cant even recall how they met on line to be honest and how it started but things like on line games can bring people to meet.
Has he any other facebooks? This is possible but i dont know.
He has in my shitty opinion not played a love rat game with her. Does he have other women? Possibly!
But i am certain he would of asked for money a very long time ago to test her regardless if he had a pocket full of money or not. Only generally visa hunters are in it for the long game
 

Amira

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Possibly he is exploiting the situation but maybe he isnt.
It seems they have been friends for a long time and in my opinion the money would of come a long time ago
If I understand right then she hasn't sent him money, thinking he's angry with her because of this. He has two different faces I think and yes I think 100% that he is a love rat
 
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He shouldnt be asking and i still stand by that but my point is could he not of possibly hit on hard times and is asking literally because he cant ask anyone else?
I.just think if this was bezness he would of asked a really long time ago
 

Heidi

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He shouldnt be asking and i still stand by that but my point is could he not of possibly hit on hard times and is asking literally because he cant ask anyone else?
I.just think if this was bezness he would of asked a really long time ago
....or his more promising victim sprung the coop and he had to fall back on good old Galleta ;)
 
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You could also be right heidi who the hell knows i just think he would of at least tested the water long ago.
Does anyone know who he is and looked to see if he has multible facebooks etc?
 
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Either way this is a toxic frienship. If hes bezness he has her in his grip if no then it wont go anywhere anyway by her own admission she has fallen for him and the feelings isnt returned and if he does return the feelings its because he has got her where he wants her
 

AmberHeart

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You could also be right heidi who the hell knows i just think he would of at least tested the water long ago.
Does anyone know who he is and looked to see if he has multible facebooks etc?
He has her as a groupie or loyal friend while he needs her, has spent 5 years in constant contact, hasn’t promised love but they have had some moments they so call as “relief” wich means he is indeed using her for that and also could be used to make pressure at some time. Hasn’t happened yet but who invests so many years just to have some “relief”. He has expressed his desire to migrate plus asked her for money..... with that age difference how can he be a serious honest friend? If they have been into other line already?
 
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These threads get mixed around i am totally lost off. I have only read this thread from what i recall i never read anything to do with releif or age differences.
So that is my mistake
 

AmberHeart

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These threads get mixed around i am totally lost off. I have only read this thread from what i recall i never read anything to do with releif or age differences.
So that is my mistake
She admitted it at some point. The thing of “like a son” came recently. Haven’t checked if it has been edited for privacy purposes. Age difference is about 20 years.
 
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