Why does he hurt me

Discussion in 'Rat Behavior' started by Galleta, Feb 14, 2019.

  1. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Strange isn’t it. I am a mother to four cracking boys, and when they leave home, I will miss them dreadfully....but I will not be expecting them to message me frequently throughout the day, I would not expect them to ask me for extortionate volumes of cash....and I hope I’ve raised them right, so that they enter adult life and independence with pride, morals and a healthy work ethic.

    I would not expect them to block me, because I refused to give them cash they were too bone idle to work for....and these are my sons, my blood, my everything!

    Of course I am maternal, and I love my boys, but no maternal instinct would make me tolerate the control and manipulation, that this silly little coffee shop dossing rodent has over Galleta! He is just a stranger.

    When I left my rat, I felt like I’d let him down, that I’d failed in my duty of care....because I had taken on quite a maternal role for this pathetic, useless, scamming kid.....but I lived with the freak....he didn’t just live in my phone.
    I just don’t get it really.
     
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  2. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    Of course you brought them up to be good honest men. Sometimes they fall on bad luck and just maybe they will ask for a tenna or twenty and you will give it because your their mother.
    That being said I have no doubt they would pay it back. This guy will never pay anything back, he's using her and laughing his head off about it.
    I can picture it now with a swanky walk head up with the biggest grin on his face boasting to his mates. It's so sad when we know what they do.
    We have lived it seen it first hand.
    If she blocked him he will already have his next victim waiting therefore he won't even miss her.
    Sad really.
     
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  3. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    :( Truly a hell, Hope you can get rid of him soon.
    :Evil: It’s ok if someone beats him for not sending him money. You owe him 0 too bad we know that ain’t gonna happen it’s all part of their tricks. Big hug xx
     
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  4. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    I don’t know how it works in our minds but the struggle is real. All of us that were or are online victims have been trough it, doubts, fear, serious co dependence, pain, sadness...
     
  5. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    But your instance was different, you thought it was a relationship, you were planning a wedding, you were planning to go and meet him....you thought it was a genuine relationship, so in your instance, I understand more, but with Galetta’s rat, it’s just a friendship, he is a little boy that hasn’t declared love, asked for marriage, promised her a future....this is why I just don’t get it :confused:
     
  6. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    And even this was my very embarrassing case :oops: making consciousness it wasn’t real, just an illusion made that next step possible. It’s very important to understand that indeed it doesn’t exist.
    Even their supposedly friendship isn’t real it’s just the excuse to ask for favors whenever suits them.
     
  7. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Yes, no love, no friendship albeit online or real life....it’s all about their own personal benefits.

    Don’t feel so embarrassed, you thought it was a genuine LDR....these relationships exist and often work...but not in bezness.

    Sure, there will be an element of embarrassment....I cringe every time I see the ugly kid I wasted time on...but I don’t feel embarrassed of myself, I loved and trusted, as did you.....I feel embarrassed OF him and FOR him ....he is a shameless prostitute with no prospects....a coffee shop whore.
     
  8. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Absolutely right Miss Mango :love: xx
     
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  9. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    I’m pretty sure he’ll have someone else in your time slot in a matter of a few days.
    This is a job to them. You are a mark. That’s it. Even if he hasn’t asked you for money or suggested he needs money. He knows he has you hooked now and his game will start to change.
     
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  10. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    The point is you've invested 5 years in this... so, expect it to be painful, regardless if you stay or go, there's going to be pain. At least with leaving, you have the expectation of recovery. You're delaying your recovery by staying with him. Staying with a rat = pain indefinitely.
     
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  11. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    He did ask for money :thumbsup:
     
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  12. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    I just kinda realized why she's doing this... and I can only project my assumptions... but, here's this Tunisian rat that love bombs her, is very romantic, and they're so close, BUT there's no TRUE intimacy. Like, she's involved, and he's involved... they're both with or planning to be with other people. This relationship fills some sort of need to be needed, to be loved, to be given romance in a "safe but lacking intimacy" sort of way, while maintaining other areas of her life she is not addressing, like... why she is in such an unhappy situation, and why she has not looked at other areas of her life. I think this rat has become her ESCAPE, and so that's why he's so toxic and potent for her.

    He's become her fast avenue to fill the void of her life privately, with full control, while not addressing other areas of her life that need to be looked at, so of course she will have a white knuckle grip on this guy. I'm no psychologist, but I can see why leaving her rat will cause her to not only let go of an easy and potent source of affection (that lacks true and honest intimacy), her feelings of comfort of always being able to return to this source of affection, but also her blindness towards other areas of her life that have caused her to end up in this situation.

    So, this has been going on for 5 years. A very long time. We all know how powerful experts Tunisian rats are at "filling an emotional void by love bombing us"... providing affection and love we didn't even notice we wanted and needed, and then pulling the strings of control until they turn into the strategic, manipulative monsters they really are... this guy probably LOVES the fact that he has become such a permanent fixture in her life - it must boost his ego A LOT. And, these guys love the control, they expect the control.

    So, anyways. I'm finished analyzing this from an amateur perspective. But, Galleta, if you haven't seen this for yourself, I think this guy is your escape from reality... and reality is calling you to return home now!
     
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  13. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    I don’t know that he ‘love bombs’ her, but I agree he fills a void. I know my rat filled a void in my life and I would have became friends without the love declarations, I know that. I needed someone to be there for me, even just to talk and listen. It is going to be really hard for her to let go without someone to fill in. I had a really hard time because I had no one to fill in. I became so lonely after and I did go back a couple of times, but each time I felt less. TLR was my vice. It still is especially for those low times.
    Leaving the rat started a roller coaster of emotions for me. High ups and really really low downs. It eventually pretty much levelled off, after a year, but it still has a few bumps here and there. After five years, it’s not just leaving him that will be hard for her, it’s a big life style change.
     
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  14. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    I'm thankful that I don't have that white knuckle grip on this place like I did before. Somehow, after asking for the divorce and ending things, I felt big relief. But, I also had been grieving inside of my marriage. In fact, I think it was in the the fall of 2017 that I was really mourning my rat's loss already. So, I'm honestly THANKFUL that I was able to go through that pain secretly and while I was still with my husband. He didn't realize the intense pain I was going through when we were together, but I was saying goodbye every single step.

    I think that's why now I'm still recovering, but it's much faster than other women here. I had the benefit and the misfortune in a way of finding out my first year of marriage. I wouldn't change that, at all. Honestly, it was good to be with my rat and silently grieving. I can't explain how that was so healing for me. So, 4-5 months after leaving Tunisia now, I don't feel that connection with my rat, at all. But, I still have the habit of TLR... and I still have some sort of dream of destroying Bezness (which is probably residual problems there) :D Regardless, I'm not in that PAIN all the time, thinking about him and wanting him back. I actually don't even care what he does in his future, at all.
     
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  15. Meis

    Meis Member

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    No there is no way of making him feel like that
    He will drop you like a stone
    With no regret at all
    Only regret he’ll have is that he never got more from you !!
    Believe me they feel no empathy
    It takes a long time to recover from men like this but you have to be strong now to avoid more pain in the future
     
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  16. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    It is true but one sees things share very happy that I found this site because it has really opened my eyes and no we should not accept all of a man it is wrong.

    Unfortunately, I think he makes fun of her as long as he knows she has feelings for him so he is one who exploits this and Tunisian men have no good reputation for what I have read would have been extremely skeptical if I became in love with a tuniser.
     
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  17. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    I really need to ask what are you hoping for the end goal ?
    To continue with this man supporting him all his life ?. Your feelings for him is somewhat romantic. I will give you a suggestion, tell him your going to Tunisia to meet him and his family.
    Instead of giving him money pay for a flight/hotel go there meet him see who he really is. Then you will have no doubts about this mother and son romantic relationship.
    Go on a girls holiday to mahaban beach hotel sit and observe how they work, you will even get more than a mother and son relationship.
    This guy been working on you for 5 years he can work on you for another 15 as long as he is getting some thing from you he will invest his time.
    Seriously though your days are sat waiting for a message a call from this guy it's the highlight of your days. I don't know what country your from but if your in the UK we could go for a coffee I could show you the true extent of what a north African guy is all about the depth of pain they will put you through your hurting now from this guy but in real life your pain will be 3 fold.
    They are con artists they can charm the pants off you. They know what you want to hear, he's a child block unblock Wtf it's a stupid childish game.
     
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  18. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    It is 100% true that they are good players and she met him online, sure he has other women he is trying to get. They do not let them have managed to achieve what they are looking for. Think they can only fall in love with a local girl (not tourist girls) they look at us as easy.
     
  19. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    It's unreal that they play with us but unfortunately they do
     
  20. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    I’m sure they all have victims they prefer to talk to over others. Just like we all have aqaintances we prefer over others. But they won’t drop any of them if they have potential to give. And a visa is a more difficult catch for them. He’s probably thinking five years looks like a good relationship to put on a visa application.
     
  21. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    The blocking game is part of the plan. It makes the victim panic. It primes the victim to feel she has to prove her love. I think it gets into the subconscious. These rats are trained at brainwashing and manipulating. If it looks childish, we see it that way and don’t see the underlying control techniques. The rat may not know the science behind what he does, but he does know what works for him. If he follows the rat book, he doesn’t beleive he can fail.
    If things are going too well and calm, the rat will even make something up to creste a fight so he can take the blocking step.
    If you look at it as a process, you can see the patterns.
     
  22. Galleta

    Galleta Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your comments every one , I appreciate it.

    Right now I’m hearing what you’re saying but still feel he’s different ( yes I know everybody will say this-)

    Jisela pointed out that this is probably me looking for an escape - yes that’s definitely correct.

    Right now all this is painful to process plus I’m ill so will be taking all this on board and take some time out to digest

    Thanks again everyone
     
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  23. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    I completely understand. Just remember that if you’re lonely, TLR is here. We don’t always talk about rats. We have threads on other things too. A few ladies like to talk about food - cakes - travel ( not rat related ). So if you need to vent or just pass some time with non related conversation, you can on a thread or via PM. Recovery from the brainwashing and dependency is a process. It takes time.
    :love:
     
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  24. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Take care of yourself, Galetta. This Tunisian rat or any man for that matter will not give you what you’re looking for, like fix whatever is broken and you’re running from, but you CAN figure out how to heal that on your own... it’s painful but you can survive!
    Good luck :love:
     
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  25. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    You are right, once upon a time, we all thought this.
    Just remember:
    . He manipulates your emotions with talk of other women.
    . He blocks you to control you, in the hope you miss him so much, you back down and grant his wish.
    . He is brainwashing you.
    . He lies to you.
    . He asked you for money.

    He is typical rat, but of course, you can't see this just yet....none of us could at the beginning.
    He is not different, he is textbook rat.

    Don't be a stranger. If you are determined to wean yourself away from him and go through the recovery process, you will need us :)
     
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